Once upon a time in China, some believe, around the year one double-aught three, head...

Bill: Once upon a time in China, some believe, around the year one double-aught three, head priest of the White Lotus Clan, Pai Mei, was walking down the road, contemplating whatever it is that a man of Pai Mei's infinite power contemplates - which is another way of saying "who knows?" - when a Shaolin monk appeared, traveling in the opposite direction. As the monk and the priest crossed paths, Pai Mei, in a practically unfathomable display of generosity, gave the monk the slightest of nods. The nod was not returned. Now was it the intention of the Shaolin monk to insult Pai Mei? Or did he just fail to see the generous social gesture? The motives of the monk remain unknown. What is known, are the consequences. The next morning Pai Mei appeared at the Shaolin Temple and demanded of the Temple's head abbot that he offer Pai Mei his neck to repay the insult. The Abbot at first tried to console Pai Mei, only to find Pai Mei was inconsolable. So began the massacre of the Shaolin Temple and all sixty of the monks inside at the fists of the White Lotus. And so began the legend of Pai Mei's five-point-palm-exploding-heart technique. The Bride: And what, pray tell, is the five-point-palm-exploding-heart technique? Bill: Quite simply, the deadliest blow in all of martial arts. He hits you with his fingertips at five different pressure points on your body. And then he lets you walk away. But after you've taken five steps, your heart explodes inside your body, and you fall to the floor, dead.

Once upon a time in China, some believe around the year one, double aught, three, head priest of the White Lotus Clan, Pai Mei, was walking down a road contemplating whatever it is that a man of Pai Mei's infinite powers would contemplate - which is another way of saying "Who knows?" - when a Shaolin monk appeared on the road, traveling in the opposite direction. As the monk and the priest crossed paths, Pai Mei, in a practically unfathomable display of generosity, gave the monk the slightest of nods. The nod was not returned. Now, was it the intention of the Shaolin monk to insult Pai Mei? Or did he just fail to see the generous social gesture? The motives of the monk remain unknown. What is known were the consequences. The next morning, Pai Mei appeared at the Shaolin temple and demanded of the temple's head abbot that he offer Pai Mei his neck to repay the insult. The abbot, at first, tried to console Pai Mei, only to find Pai Mei was inconsolable. So began the Massacre of the Shaolin Temple and all sixty of the monks inside, at the fists of the White Lotus. And so began the legend of Pai Mei's Five-Point-Palm Exploding-Heart Technique. And what, pray tell, is the Five-Point-Palm Exploding-Heart Technique? Quite simply, the deadliest blow in all of martial arts. He hits you with his fingertips at five different pressure points on your body, and then lets you walk away. But once you've taken five steps your heart explodes inside your body and you fall to the floor, dead. Did he teach you that? No. He teaches no one the Five-Point-Palm Exploding-Heart Technique. Now, one of the things I've always liked about you, Kiddo, is you appear wise beyond your years. So, allow me to impart a word to the wise. Whatever... Whatever Pai Mei says, obey. If you flash him, even for an instant, a defiant eye, he'll pluck it out. And if you throw any American sass his way, he'll snap your back and your neck like they were twigs. And that will be the story of you. He'll accept you as his student. What happened to you? Nothin'. Get in a fight? Friendly contest. Why did he accept me? Because he's a very, very, very old man. And, like all rotten bastards, when they become old, they get lonely.