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Killing Hasselhoff

A struggling nightclub owner resorts to desperate measures in order to pay off a loan shark.

Director

Darren Grant

Year

Genre

Box Office

N/A

Production

Lotus Pictures,WWE Studios,Hyde Park Entertainment

Awards

N/A

Homepage

http://www.hydeparkentertainment.com/projects/killing-hasselhoff/

Cast information not available.

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Explore 380 Clips

So, Grace Jones,
stop making out with white Grace Jones. - Killing Hasselhoff

So, Grace Jones, stop making out with white Grace Jones.

Pack up your dildos,
batten down your anal beads - Killing Hasselhoff

Pack up your dildos, batten down your anal beads

This party ain't over
till I say it's over, bitch. - Killing Hasselhoff

This party ain't over till I say it's over, bitch.

Insanity outside
a Hollywood nightclub last night. - Killing Hasselhoff

Insanity outside a Hollywood nightclub last night.

I mean, seriously,
I feel like this is a bad dream. - Killing Hasselhoff

I mean, seriously, I feel like this is a bad dream.

Really? So you weren't doing coke
and groping an underage girl? - Killing Hasselhoff

Really? So you weren't doing coke and groping an undera...

- My mom called me crying last night.
- Fuck. Your mom saw it. - Killing Hasselhoff

- My mom called me crying last night. - Fuck. Your mom saw i...

This is a ridiculous misunderstanding.
You gotta believe me. - Killing Hasselhoff

This is a ridiculous misunderstanding. You gotta believe me.

You know, I'm a teacher, Chris.
My students watch her show. - Killing Hasselhoff

You know, I'm a teacher, Chris. My students watch her s...

I'm broke, lost my fiancée
and the Hoff just won't die. - Killing Hasselhoff

I'm broke, lost my fiancée and the Hoff just won't...

- Fine. Go ahead.
- Sorry. Just doing my job, guy. - Killing Hasselhoff

- Fine. Go ahead. - Sorry. Just doing my job, guy.

Hey! Hey! Is your job supposed to be checking - Killing Hasselhoff

Hey! Hey! Is your job supposed to be checking

- In a sense, that's exactly what it is.
- Fantastic. - Killing Hasselhoff

- In a sense, that's exactly what it is. - Fantastic.

- Your mother must be very proud.
- Yeah, she is, actually. - Killing Hasselhoff

- Your mother must be very proud. - Yeah, she is, actually.

I'm her favourite. Where do you fall
in your family's pecking order? - Killing Hasselhoff

I'm her favourite. Where do you fall in your family...

- I saw you on TV this morning.
- I didn't do it. Not any of it. - Killing Hasselhoff

- I saw you on TV this morning. - I didn't do it. Not a...

Popular phrase in this town.
Unfortunately it doesn't always work. - Killing Hasselhoff

Popular phrase in this town. Unfortunately it doesn't a...

Mr Wasserstein,
I'm actually asking for an extension. - Killing Hasselhoff

Mr Wasserstein, I'm actually asking for an extension.

I call it the parable of the loaves. - Killing Hasselhoff

I call it the parable of the loaves.

Years ago there was a ten-year-old boy
living in Brooklyn. - Killing Hasselhoff

Years ago there was a ten-year-old boy living in Brooklyn.

His mother was crazy. His father a drunk. - Killing Hasselhoff

His mother was crazy. His father a drunk.

So naturally he had
to fend for himself most of the time - Killing Hasselhoff

So naturally he had to fend for himself most of the time

They knew and it was no big deal.
But soon enough, the boy got cocky. - Killing Hasselhoff

They knew and it was no big deal. But soon enough, the boy g...

Now, the baker had a son
around the same age as this little boy - Killing Hasselhoff

Now, the baker had a son around the same age as this little ...

I'm sure you would agree an entire loaf,
well, that's another matter entirely. - Killing Hasselhoff

I'm sure you would agree an entire loaf, well, that...

So for three months
the baker's son beat the boy bloody, - Killing Hasselhoff

So for three months the baker's son beat the boy bloody...

You owe me $400,000 - Killing Hasselhoff

You owe me $400,000

Mr Kim, you should consider
your breathing room - Killing Hasselhoff

Mr Kim, you should consider your breathing room

Now you gave me your word
that you would give me the 400K - Killing Hasselhoff

Now you gave me your word that you would give me the 400K

If one man cannot take another
man's word, all order is lost. - Killing Hasselhoff

If one man cannot take another man's word, all order is...

And still, Mr Kim, I'm rooting for you.
Nick, however, not so much. - Killing Hasselhoff

And still, Mr Kim, I'm rooting for you. Nick, however, ...

You could have supported me just
a little bit more with the bread story. - Killing Hasselhoff

You could have supported me just a little bit more with the ...

Yes! It's a whole loaf that he's
stuffing into a pair of drawstring... - Killing Hasselhoff

Yes! It's a whole loaf that he's stuffing into a p...

That's the whole point of the story.
It starts nice with a little scrap. - Killing Hasselhoff

That's the whole point of the story. It starts nice wit...

I mean, he's looking at me like,
"Then what, then what?" - Killing Hasselhoff

I mean, he's looking at me like, "Then what, then ...

I'm accused of dealing drugs,
serving alcohol to a minor, - Killing Hasselhoff

I'm accused of dealing drugs, serving alcohol to a mino...

Plus, I owe 400 grand to a goddamn psychopath - Killing Hasselhoff

Plus, I owe 400 grand to a goddamn psychopath

- Ah, Fish.
- Yeah, Fish. His brain melted. - Killing Hasselhoff

- Ah, Fish. - Yeah, Fish. His brain melted.

A 5150. A 72-hour psychiatric hold. - Killing Hasselhoff

A 5150. A 72-hour psychiatric hold.

- Why'd you go to Wasserstein?
- Because I'm desperate, Tommy. - Killing Hasselhoff

- Why'd you go to Wasserstein? - Because I'm despe...

I would love to give you the money
but I don't have the money, okay? - Killing Hasselhoff

I would love to give you the money but I don't have the...

Work's not going great.
The last two shows failed. - Killing Hasselhoff

Work's not going great. The last two shows failed.

Look, if Redneck Atheist works out,
then we're good, - Killing Hasselhoff

Look, if Redneck Atheist works out, then we're good,

Thanks. It's my shit storm
so I'll take care of it. - Killing Hasselhoff

Thanks. It's my shit storm so I'll take care of it...

I'll tell you what I can do.
I can talk to Ann. She trusts me. - Killing Hasselhoff

I'll tell you what I can do. I can talk to Ann. She tru...

I'll go over there and explain
that you don't touch kids... any more. - Killing Hasselhoff

I'll go over there and explain that you don't touc...

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck you! Fuck! - Killing Hasselhoff

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck you! Fuck!

Even the hobo loves the Hoff.
Let me guess. German. - Killing Hasselhoff

Even the hobo loves the Hoff. Let me guess. German.

I feel like the whole world
is taking a gigantic piss on my head. - Killing Hasselhoff

I feel like the whole world is taking a gigantic piss on my ...

I can relate to this so hard. Just this
morning a Schnauzer pissed on my face. - Killing Hasselhoff

I can relate to this so hard. Just this morning a Schnauzer ...

Because two days ago
I was urinating on his face. What? - Killing Hasselhoff

Because two days ago I was urinating on his face. What?

When life shits on you, you shit right back. - Killing Hasselhoff

When life shits on you, you shit right back.

Yes. That actually makes
a lot of sense right now. - Killing Hasselhoff

Yes. That actually makes a lot of sense right now.

I know, right? It's why I fling faeces
at people I don't like. - Killing Hasselhoff

I know, right? It's why I fling faeces at people I don&...

You're like a Mr Miyagi with a toupee
minus 20 years and 20 pounds. - Killing Hasselhoff

You're like a Mr Miyagi with a toupee minus 20 years an...

You're, like, waxing on and off
all day long! I love you! - Killing Hasselhoff

You're, like, waxing on and off all day long! I love yo...

You eyeing me now? You want a go?
You judge me all you want! - Killing Hasselhoff

You eyeing me now? You want a go? You judge me all you want!

It ain't my fault Mama's Family
was cancelled in 1986. - Killing Hasselhoff

It ain't my fault Mama's Family was cancelled in 1...

And like the Dark Knight said,
it is always darkest before the dawn. - Killing Hasselhoff

And like the Dark Knight said, it is always darkest before t...

I'm a good person
and I'm stronger than you know - Killing Hasselhoff

I'm a good person and I'm stronger than you know

I really need to talk to you.
Shit's gone really bad. - Killing Hasselhoff

I really need to talk to you. Shit's gone really bad.

Jesus Christ! Really, you chose
to come out of the shower right now? - Killing Hasselhoff

Jesus Christ! Really, you chose to come out of the shower ri...

- What are you doing here?
- What am I doing here? What...? - Killing Hasselhoff

- What are you doing here? - What am I doing here? What...?

- Do you want a grilled cheese sandwich?
- No, I'm fine. - Killing Hasselhoff

- Do you want a grilled cheese sandwich? - No, I'm fine...

You sure?
I had the nurse make it. It's Colby. - Killing Hasselhoff

You sure? I had the nurse make it. It's Colby.

I'm actually in the middle
of a very exciting experiment. - Killing Hasselhoff

I'm actually in the middle of a very exciting experimen...

Every day I get a different sandwich
with the same cheese in it. - Killing Hasselhoff

Every day I get a different sandwich with the same cheese in...

Because I'm telling you now,
Sebastian will not touch it. - Killing Hasselhoff

Because I'm telling you now, Sebastian will not touch i...

He's over there. Look.
Lifting weights. Look at him. - Killing Hasselhoff

He's over there. Look. Lifting weights. Look at him.

I don't think I've lost it.
I think it's been misplaced. - Killing Hasselhoff

I don't think I've lost it. I think it's been...

While we're on the subject of losing minds, - Killing Hasselhoff

While we're on the subject of losing minds,

I just found out that Ann is fucking Tommy. - Killing Hasselhoff

I just found out that Ann is fucking Tommy.

- Ann is actually Tommy?
- No, no, no. No. - Killing Hasselhoff

- Ann is actually Tommy? - No, no, no. No.

You can see it. They're never
in the same room at the same time. - Killing Hasselhoff

You can see it. They're never in the same room at the s...

I am not! You know what?
You get out! Security! - Killing Hasselhoff

I am not! You know what? You get out! Security!

- Yep. Two eyes. One pointer.
- Not you. Tommy! - Killing Hasselhoff

- Yep. Two eyes. One pointer. - Not you. Tommy!

Good. Okay. That's more like it. - Killing Hasselhoff

Good. Okay. That's more like it.

In fact, that's classic
second-best-friend behaviour. - Killing Hasselhoff

In fact, that's classic second-best-friend behaviour.

Exactly. I'm not a murderer. I don't
want to do this. I'm not like Dexter. - Killing Hasselhoff

Exactly. I'm not a murderer. I don't want to do th...

- He plans things out. He's meticulous.
- Thank you. - Killing Hasselhoff

- He plans things out. He's meticulous. - Thank you.

Just keep things on the down.
Before Sebastian and I became buddies - Killing Hasselhoff

Just keep things on the down. Before Sebastian and I became ...

"Hey, look at these funny berries
I found in your garden. - Killing Hasselhoff

"Hey, look at these funny berries I found in your garde...

I've had a couple. They're fine." - Killing Hasselhoff

I've had a couple. They're fine."

Anyway, it's all in there. You take it.
It's out of my hands now, see? - Killing Hasselhoff

Anyway, it's all in there. You take it. It's out o...

I know what you're thinking.
I've mended my bridges. - Killing Hasselhoff

I know what you're thinking. I've mended my bridge...

It says do not mix with grapefruit
juice. Could cause fatal reaction. - Killing Hasselhoff

It says do not mix with grapefruit juice. Could cause fatal ...

All right. Time to kill Hasselhoff. - Killing Hasselhoff

All right. Time to kill Hasselhoff.

David Hasselhoff!
I come bearing wonderful gifts. - Killing Hasselhoff

David Hasselhoff! I come bearing wonderful gifts.

Eight fantastic scripts. - Killing Hasselhoff

Eight fantastic scripts.

Not interested. What, you didn't
get my email last night? - Killing Hasselhoff

Not interested. What, you didn't get my email last nigh...

Killing Hasselhoff poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

A struggling nightclub owner resorts to desperate measures in order to pay off a loan shark.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Darren Grant

Writer: Peter Hoare, Mike O'Connell

Production: Lotus Pictures,WWE Studios,Hyde Park Entertainment

Genre: comedy

Year: 2017

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: 4.5

BoxOffice: N/A

Released: 29 Aug 2017

Awards: N/A

Homepage: http://www.hydeparkentertainment.com/projects/killing-hasselhoff/