Knocked Up quotes
When Alison Scott is promoted in E! Television, she goes to a night-club to celebrate with her older married sister Debbie. Alison meets the pothead reckless Ben Stone and while having a small talk with Ben, Debbie's husband Pete calls her to tell that their daughter has chicken pox. Debbie leaves the place but Allison stays with Ben, drinking and dancing along all night; completely wasted, they end up having a one night stand. Ben does not use a condom and eight weeks later, Allison discovers that she is pregnant. She calls Ben and they decide to try to stay together and have the baby. However, Ben needs to grow up first to raise a family of his own.
Director: Judd Apatow
Writer: Judd Apatow
Production: Apatow Productions
Year: 2007
MetaScore: 85/100
ImdbRating: 6.9
BoxOffice: $148,768,917
Released: 01 Jun 2007
Awards: 8 wins & 26 nominations.
96 Clips & Quotes
03:35
I'm not gonna go to the end of the fucking line
03:35
I'm not going anywhere
00:30
Unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond
00:37
Do you want to do it doggie style
00:20
Life doesn't care about your vision
00:47
Just do it already
00:47
And then your Mommy said
00:20
Just don't ask me to lend you any money
01:01
My balls are shaved
01:16
Where do babies come from
00:21
Never do what they did
00:21
I'm gonna do it
00:13
You do look like your sister
01:56
There's gonna be some things that you are going to be able...
00:35
You're the best thing that ever happened to me
00:40
We just want you to be healthy
01:37
Ben Stone calling
00:11
Was your vagina drunk
00:36
It was really awkward
00:16
If it grows from the ground
00:26
It still clicks
00:42
Sadie might have the chicken pox
00:20
I was so surprised too
01:50
You get it from poo particles making their way into your...
00:35
I have a really good idea
00:40
That's not funny
00:40
This isn't funny
00:18
Don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out
01:35
But this isn't up to you
00:16
Your face looks like Robin Williams' knuckles
00:18
I'm glad I'm not a Jew
00:17
You're not mean
00:15
You look like Babe Ruth's gay brother
00:21
I think he's doing the dice thing too much
00:42
But its not funny
00:34
Nothing is fine
00:14
I'm gonna go make a protein shake
00:16
That's not your vagina
02:53
What'd you do last Wednesday night when you said you went to...
00:37
The best thing for a hangover is weed
00:59
I hope your apartment's big enough for the three of us
00:21
I love your curly hair
00:13
Now that's how you get pink eye
00:11
I live in your phone
00:12
Thanks for the free money
00:26
I'm going to be there to rear your child
00:30
You must be angry at the baby whenever it steals your food
00:12
You wanna trade boyfriends
00:18
You're embarrassing me in company
00:25
I didn't go to Yale to work 24 hours a day
00:29
You're an asshole
00:15
I'm sorry I told you to fuck your bong
00:22
What do you think
00:22
He's playing fetch
00:21
You just stare at your balls
01:35
I can't believe you did this
00:11
Fuck me in the beard
00:34
What time is it
00:29
I'm actually doing my first on air interview today
00:43
I'm only gonna start to show when I'm like
00:12
He spelled coming wrong
00:17
Just stop talking
00:15
Because your face looks like a vagina
00:16
She is such a prissy little high school cu
00:21
Tell him not to jerk off with a noose around his neck it's...
00:21
You're going to be embarrassed when you realize I'm Wilmer...
00:11
Buy some pink shit
00:32
I wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles
00:14
You sound like Jabba the Hut dying
00:29
We're not married
00:29
How long you kids been married
00:14
She like a the way your dick taste
00:52
Martin why didn't you just listen when I was explaining the...
00:22
Gynecology is only a hobby of mine
00:15
This is Hollywood
01:12
Think they'll take us back
00:33
I was surprised
00:33
We did some research
00:38
Until her water breaks all over Robert De Niro's shoes
00:20
If this is one of those fucking joke shows
00:13
I'm going to murderball you
00:27
There are five different types of chairs in this hotel room
00:13
You still have a little dick
00:16
That's because Steely Dan Gargles my balls
00:26
Our baby is going to be French Canadian
00:26
Is that Ben's Rabbi
00:10
Did we have sex
00:26
He hollowed out a penis and put it on
00:31
Ever since I saw Transamerica
00:19
What are you doing
00:11
Is she camera ready
00:29
These guys can honk all they want
00:19
You're supposed to be tempted into shaving
00:10
That was brutal
04:50
Why didn't you read the baby books
04:50
I shoulda read the baby books
Cast
Ben Stone - Seth Rogen
Alison Scott - Katherine Heigl
Pete - Paul Rudd
Debbie - Leslie Mann
Jason - Jason Segel
Jay - Jay Baruchel
Jonah - Jonah Hill
Martin - Martin Starr
Jodi - Charlyne Yi
Charlotte - Iris Apatow
Sadie - Maude Apatow
Alison's Mom - Joanna Kerns
Ben's Dad - Harold Ramis
Jack - Alan Tudyk
Jill - Kristen Wiig
Brent - Bill Hader
Dr. Kuni - Ken Jeong
Club Doorman - Craig Robinson
Dr. Pellagrino - Tim Bagley
Dr. Howard - Loudon Wainwright III
Dr. Howard's Nurse - Stephanie Mnookin
Samuel - Male nurse - Adam Scott
Dr. Angelo - J.P. Manoux
Female Doctor - Mo Collins
Young Doctor - B.J. Novak
Wardrobe Lady - Tami Sagher
Alison's Friend - Brianna Brown
Alison's Friend - Catherine Reitman
Alison's Friend - Nick Thune
Fantasy Baseball Guy - Paul Feig
Fantasy Baseball Guy - Ben Meyerson
Fantasy Baseball Guy - Wayne Federman
Dr. Pellagrino's Nurse - Melinda Bennett
Club Bartender - Matt McKane
Ben's Boss - Steven Brill
Maria - Ana Mercedes
Maternity Nurse at Desk - Nadine Griffith
Delivery Nurse - Diane Schaller
Jonah's Girlfriend - Emersen Riley
Lap Dancer - Stormy Daniels
Lap Dancer - Nautica Thorn
Real Estate Agent - Mary Brill
Daughter in Waiting Room - Lolita Mastrolia
Father in Waiting Room - Joseph T. Mastrolia
Lamaze Instructor - Tracy Hartley
Record Store Customer - Jeffrey L. Wilson
Playground child - Vanessa Howard
Self - Jessica Alba
Party Kid - Remy Beland
Self - Steve Carell
Self - Andy Dick
Sol - James Franco
Waiting Room Twin Baby - Aidan Gonzales
Waiting Room Twin Baby - Andrew Gonzales
Waiting Room Mom - Kathy Gonzales
Mystere Audience Member - Lindsay Hamilton
Mrs. Baker - Samantha Kelly
Nigel Baker - Brent Kinsman
Kyle Baker - Shane Kinsman
Strip Club Patron - Raul Limon
Hostess - Natalie Lipka
Club dancer - Joseph Luckay
Theater Goer - Shawn McDaniel
Girl at the Bar - Julia Melim
Self - Eva Mendes
Theatergoer - Roy C. Peterson
Ryan Seacrest - Ryan Seacrest
Self - Dax Shepard
Bar Patron - Rose Day Stuart
Clinic Patron - Jerome Villaluz
Waitress - Michelle Woods