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Knocked Up quotes

Knocked Up poster
When Alison Scott is promoted in E! Television, she goes to a night-club to celebrate with her older married sister Debbie. Alison meets the pothead reckless Ben Stone and while having a small talk with Ben, Debbie's husband Pete calls her to tell that their daughter has chicken pox. Debbie leaves the place but Allison stays with Ben, drinking and dancing along all night; completely wasted, they end up having a one night stand. Ben does not use a condom and eight weeks later, Allison discovers that she is pregnant. She calls Ben and they decide to try to stay together and have the baby. However, Ben needs to grow up first to raise a family of his own.

Director: Judd Apatow
Writer: Judd Apatow
Production: Apatow Productions
Genre: comedy, romance
Year: 2007
MetaScore: 85/100
ImdbRating: 6.9
BoxOffice: $148,768,917
Released: 01 Jun 2007
Awards: 8 wins & 26 nominations.


96 Clips & Quotes

I'm not gonna go to the end of the fucking line - Knocked Up 03:35 I'm not gonna go to the end of the fucking line I'm not going anywhere - Knocked Up 03:35 I'm not going anywhere Unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond - Knocked Up 00:30 Unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond Do you want to do it doggie style - Knocked Up 00:37 Do you want to do it doggie style Life doesn't care about your vision - Knocked Up 00:20 Life doesn't care about your vision Just do it already - Knocked Up 00:47 Just do it already And then your Mommy said - Knocked Up 00:47 And then your Mommy said Just don't ask me to lend you any money - Knocked Up 00:20 Just don't ask me to lend you any money My balls are shaved - Knocked Up 01:01 My balls are shaved Where do babies come from - Knocked Up 01:16 Where do babies come from Never do what they did - Knocked Up 00:21 Never do what they did I'm gonna do it - Knocked Up 00:21 I'm gonna do it You do look like your sister - Knocked Up 00:13 You do look like your sister There's gonna be some things that you are going to be able to get - Knocked Up 01:56 There's gonna be some things that you are going to be able... You're the best thing that ever happened to me - Knocked Up 00:35 You're the best thing that ever happened to me We just want you to be healthy - Knocked Up 00:40 We just want you to be healthy Ben Stone calling - Knocked Up 01:37 Ben Stone calling Was your vagina drunk - Knocked Up 00:11 Was your vagina drunk It was really awkward - Knocked Up 00:36 It was really awkward If it grows from the ground - Knocked Up 00:16 If it grows from the ground It still clicks - Knocked Up 00:26 It still clicks Sadie might have the chicken pox - Knocked Up 00:42 Sadie might have the chicken pox I was so surprised too - Knocked Up 00:20 I was so surprised too You get it from poo particles making their way into your ocular cavities - Knocked Up 01:50 You get it from poo particles making their way into your... I have a really good idea - Knocked Up 00:35 I have a really good idea That's not funny - Knocked Up 00:40 That's not funny This isn't funny - Knocked Up 00:40 This isn't funny Don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out - Knocked Up 00:18 Don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out But this isn't up to you - Knocked Up 01:35 But this isn't up to you Your face looks like Robin Williams' knuckles - Knocked Up 00:16 Your face looks like Robin Williams' knuckles I'm glad I'm not a Jew - Knocked Up 00:18 I'm glad I'm not a Jew You're not mean - Knocked Up 00:17 You're not mean You look like Babe Ruth's gay brother - Knocked Up 00:15 You look like Babe Ruth's gay brother I think he's doing the dice thing too much - Knocked Up 00:21 I think he's doing the dice thing too much But its not funny - Knocked Up 00:42 But its not funny Nothing is fine - Knocked Up 00:34 Nothing is fine I'm gonna go make a protein shake - Knocked Up 00:14 I'm gonna go make a protein shake That's not your vagina - Knocked Up 00:16 That's not your vagina What'd you do last Wednesday night when you said you went to see a band - Knocked Up 02:53 What'd you do last Wednesday night when you said you went to... The best thing for a hangover is weed - Knocked Up 00:37 The best thing for a hangover is weed I hope your apartment's big enough for the three of us - Knocked Up 00:59 I hope your apartment's big enough for the three of us I love your curly hair - Knocked Up 00:21 I love your curly hair Now that's how you get pink eye - Knocked Up 00:13 Now that's how you get pink eye I live in your phone - Knocked Up 00:11 I live in your phone Thanks for the free money - Knocked Up 00:12 Thanks for the free money I'm going to be there to rear your child - Knocked Up 00:26 I'm going to be there to rear your child You must be angry at the baby whenever it steals your food - Knocked Up 00:30 You must be angry at the baby whenever it steals your food You wanna trade boyfriends - Knocked Up 00:12 You wanna trade boyfriends You're embarrassing me in company - Knocked Up 00:18 You're embarrassing me in company I didn't go to Yale to work 24 hours a day - Knocked Up 00:25 I didn't go to Yale to work 24 hours a day You're an asshole - Knocked Up 00:29 You're an asshole I'm sorry I told you to fuck your bong - Knocked Up 00:15 I'm sorry I told you to fuck your bong What do you think - Knocked Up 00:22 What do you think He's playing fetch - Knocked Up 00:22 He's playing fetch You just stare at your balls - Knocked Up 00:21 You just stare at your balls I can't believe you did this - Knocked Up 01:35 I can't believe you did this Fuck me in the beard - Knocked Up 00:11 Fuck me in the beard What time is it - Knocked Up 00:34 What time is it I'm actually doing my first on air interview today - Knocked Up 00:29 I'm actually doing my first on air interview today I'm only gonna start to show when I'm like - Knocked Up 00:43 I'm only gonna start to show when I'm like He spelled coming wrong - Knocked Up 00:12 He spelled coming wrong Just stop talking - Knocked Up 00:17 Just stop talking Because your face looks like a vagina - Knocked Up 00:15 Because your face looks like a vagina She is such a prissy little high school cu - Knocked Up 00:16 She is such a prissy little high school cu Tell him not to jerk off with a noose around his neck it's dangerous - Knocked Up 00:21 Tell him not to jerk off with a noose around his neck it's... You're going to be embarrassed when you realize I'm Wilmer Valderama - Knocked Up 00:21 You're going to be embarrassed when you realize I'm Wilmer... Buy some pink shit - Knocked Up 00:11 Buy some pink shit I wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles - Knocked Up 00:32 I wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles You sound like Jabba the Hut dying - Knocked Up 00:14 You sound like Jabba the Hut dying We're not married - Knocked Up 00:29 We're not married How long you kids been married - Knocked Up 00:29 How long you kids been married She like a the way your dick taste - Knocked Up 00:14 She like a the way your dick taste Martin why didn't you just listen when I was explaining the rules - Knocked Up 00:52 Martin why didn't you just listen when I was explaining the... Gynecology is only a hobby of mine - Knocked Up 00:22 Gynecology is only a hobby of mine This is Hollywood - Knocked Up 00:15 This is Hollywood Think they'll take us back - Knocked Up 01:12 Think they'll take us back I was surprised - Knocked Up 00:33 I was surprised We did some research - Knocked Up 00:33 We did some research Until her water breaks all over Robert De Niro's shoes - Knocked Up 00:38 Until her water breaks all over Robert De Niro's shoes If this is one of those fucking joke shows - Knocked Up 00:20 If this is one of those fucking joke shows I'm going to murderball you - Knocked Up 00:13 I'm going to murderball you There are five different types of chairs in this hotel room - Knocked Up 00:27 There are five different types of chairs in this hotel room You still have a little dick - Knocked Up 00:13 You still have a little dick That's because Steely Dan Gargles my balls - Knocked Up 00:16 That's because Steely Dan Gargles my balls Our baby is going to be French Canadian - Knocked Up 00:26 Our baby is going to be French Canadian Is that Ben's Rabbi - Knocked Up 00:26 Is that Ben's Rabbi Did we have sex - Knocked Up 00:10 Did we have sex He hollowed out a penis and put it on - Knocked Up 00:26 He hollowed out a penis and put it on Ever since I saw Transamerica - Knocked Up 00:31 Ever since I saw Transamerica What are you doing - Knocked Up 00:19 What are you doing Is she camera ready - Knocked Up 00:11 Is she camera ready These guys can honk all they want - Knocked Up 00:29 These guys can honk all they want You're supposed to be tempted into shaving - Knocked Up 00:19 You're supposed to be tempted into shaving That was brutal - Knocked Up 00:10 That was brutal Why didn't you read the baby books - Knocked Up 04:50 Why didn't you read the baby books I shoulda read the baby books - Knocked Up 04:50 I shoulda read the baby books

Cast

Ben Stone - Seth Rogen
Alison Scott - Katherine Heigl
Pete - Paul Rudd
Debbie - Leslie Mann
Jason - Jason Segel
Jay - Jay Baruchel
Jonah - Jonah Hill
Martin - Martin Starr
Jodi - Charlyne Yi
Charlotte - Iris Apatow
Sadie - Maude Apatow
Alison's Mom - Joanna Kerns
Ben's Dad - Harold Ramis
Jack - Alan Tudyk
Jill - Kristen Wiig
Brent - Bill Hader
Dr. Kuni - Ken Jeong
Club Doorman - Craig Robinson
Dr. Pellagrino - Tim Bagley
Dr. Howard - Loudon Wainwright III
Dr. Howard's Nurse - Stephanie Mnookin
Samuel - Male nurse - Adam Scott
Dr. Angelo - J.P. Manoux
Female Doctor - Mo Collins
Young Doctor - B.J. Novak
Wardrobe Lady - Tami Sagher
Alison's Friend - Brianna Brown
Alison's Friend - Catherine Reitman
Alison's Friend - Nick Thune
Fantasy Baseball Guy - Paul Feig
Fantasy Baseball Guy - Ben Meyerson
Fantasy Baseball Guy - Wayne Federman
Dr. Pellagrino's Nurse - Melinda Bennett
Club Bartender - Matt McKane
Ben's Boss - Steven Brill
Maria - Ana Mercedes
Maternity Nurse at Desk - Nadine Griffith
Delivery Nurse - Diane Schaller
Jonah's Girlfriend - Emersen Riley
Lap Dancer - Stormy Daniels
Lap Dancer - Nautica Thorn
Real Estate Agent - Mary Brill
Daughter in Waiting Room - Lolita Mastrolia
Father in Waiting Room - Joseph T. Mastrolia
Lamaze Instructor - Tracy Hartley
Record Store Customer - Jeffrey L. Wilson
Playground child - Vanessa Howard
Self - Jessica Alba
Party Kid - Remy Beland
Self - Steve Carell
Self - Andy Dick
Sol - James Franco
Waiting Room Twin Baby - Aidan Gonzales
Waiting Room Twin Baby - Andrew Gonzales
Waiting Room Mom - Kathy Gonzales
Mystere Audience Member - Lindsay Hamilton
Mrs. Baker - Samantha Kelly
Nigel Baker - Brent Kinsman
Kyle Baker - Shane Kinsman
Strip Club Patron - Raul Limon
Hostess - Natalie Lipka
Club dancer - Joseph Luckay
Theater Goer - Shawn McDaniel
Girl at the Bar - Julia Melim
Self - Eva Mendes
Theatergoer - Roy C. Peterson
Ryan Seacrest - Ryan Seacrest
Self - Dax Shepard
Bar Patron - Rose Day Stuart
Clinic Patron - Jerome Villaluz
Waitress - Michelle Woods