I shoulda read the baby books. Why didn't you read the baby books? 'Cause then it's real,...

[while tripping on mushrooms] Ben Stone: [sadly] I shoulda read the baby books. Pete: Why didn't you read the baby books? Ben Stone: 'Cause then it's real, you know? Pete: Dude, it's real whether or not you read those books, that baby's comin'. [he moves to another chair] Pete: Oh, man. Ben Stone: Think they'll take us back? Pete: Yes. But I don't know why. Do you ever wonder how somebody could even like you? Ben Stone: All the time, man, like every day. I wonder how YOU like me. Pete: How can Debbie like me? She likes me. I m - she LOVES me. The biggest problem in our marriage is that she wants me around. She loves me so much that she wants me around all the time. That's our biggest problem, and I can't even accept that - like, that upsets me? Ben Stone: What? Pete: She's the one. She loves me. Ben Stone: You can't believe people love you? We love you, man! Debbie loves you! Pete: I don't think I can accept her love. There's something wrong with me. Ben Stone: You can't accept love? Pete: [choking up] I don't know what it is. Ben Stone: Love, the most beautiful, shiny, warming thing in the world? You can't accept it? Pete: I have to go to this other chair. [he moves] Pete: Oh, this is a better energy. Ben Stone: You can't accept pure love? You can't accept Debbie? She's chosen to give you her life. She's picked you as her life partner! But you play fantasy baseball because you can't accept her love? [he belches and groans] Ben Stone: I could accept it, man! [Pete grimaces and sticks his hand in his mouth] Ben Stone: And Debbie's amazing, man. She's cool, and she's funny, and she smells good, and she's nice, and her hair always looks different... she's too good for you, man. [Pete takes his hand out of his mouth and stares at it in amazement] Pete: Tastes like a rainbow. Ben Stone: You're disgusting, you're an urchin. And she busts your balls 'cause you're a little bitch! You're a filthy bitch, and I'd bust your balls! [Pete puts his hand back in his mouth and groans] Ben Stone: [miserably] Debbie wants to give her life to you, and Alison doesn't want to do that with me, and it makes me sad all day. I wanna go home. Pete: [muffled by his fingers] I wanna go home too.