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Life of Brian

Born on the original Christmas in the stable next door to Jesus Christ, Brian of Nazareth spends his life being mistaken for a messiah.

Director

Terry Jones

Year

Genre

Box Office

$20,206,622

Production

Handmade Films,Python (Monty) Pictures Limited

Awards

N/A

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Wise Man #2

Wise Man #1

Man Even Further Forward

Mr. Cheeky

Mandy Cohen

Wise Man #3

Gregory

Mrs. Gregory

Carol Cleveland

Jesus

A Weedy Samaritan

False Prophet

Charles McKeown

Matthias, Son of Deuteronomy of Gath

Mrs. Big Nose

Judith

Sue Jones-Davies

Pilate's Wife

Alfonso

Another Official Stoners Helper

Andrew MacLachlan

Parvus

Bernard McKenna

Spike

Man

Mr. Papadopolous

George Harrison

Passer-by

Themselves

View All Cast

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Mrs. Gregory Gregory Wise Man #1 Mr. Cheeky Wise Man #2 Judith Mr. Big Nose Wise Man #3 False Prophet Mrs. Big Nose Parvus Passer-by

What We are three wise menWell what are you doing creeping around a cow shed at 2 00 in the morningThat doesn't sound very wise to me - Life of Brian

What We are three wise menWell what are you doing creeping...

We were led by a star Led by a bottle more like Go on out - Life of Brian

We were led by a star Led by a bottle more like Go on out

Hmm What star sign is heWell Capricorn Capricorn eh What are they likeHe is the Son of God our MessiahKing of the JewsThat's Capricorn is it No that's just himOh I was gonna say otherwise there would be a lot of them - Life of Brian

Hmm What star sign is heWell Capricorn Capricorn eh What are...

Well if you're dropping by again do pop inAnd thanks a lot for the gold and frankincenseBut don't worry too much about the myrrh next time all rightThank you GoodbyeWell weren't they niceOut of their bloody minds but still Iook at that - Life of Brian

Well if you're dropping by again do pop inAnd thanks a...

- Shut up! - Life of Brian

And he started to shave And have one off the wrist And want to see girls And go out and get pissed A man called Brian This man called Brian The man they called Brian This man called Bri - Aah! - Life of Brian

And he started to shave And have one off the wrist And want...

Don't pick your noseI wasn't picking my nose I was scratchingYou was picking it while you was talking to that ladyI wasn't Leave it alone Give it a restDo you mind I can't hear a word he's sayingDon't you do you mind me I was talking to my husbandWell go - Life of Brian

Don't pick your noseI wasn't picking my nose I was...

I think it was Blessed are the cheese makersWhat's so special about the cheese makersWell obviously it's not meant to be taken literallyIt refers to any manufacturers of dairy products - Life of Brian

I think it was Blessed are the cheese makersWhat's so...

Blessed are the meek Oh that's nice isn't itI'm glad they're getting something 'cause they have a hell of a time - Life of Brian

Blessed are the meek Oh that's nice isn't...

Listen I'm only telling the truth You have got a very big noseHey your nose gonna be three foot wide across your face when I'm finished - Life of Brian

Listen I'm only telling the truth You have got a very...

Well what Jesus fails to appreciate is it's the meek who are the problem - Life of Brian

Well what Jesus fails to appreciate is it's the meek...

Oh I hate wearing these beardsWhy aren't women allowed to go to stonings MumIt's written that's whyBeard madame - Life of Brian

Oh I hate wearing these beardsWhy aren't women allowed...

And all I said to my wife wasThat piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah - Life of Brian

And all I said to my wife wasThat piece of halibut was good...

Very well. - Life of Brian

Look I don't think it ought to be blasphemy just saying JehovahYou're only making it worse for yourselfMaking it worse How could it be worseJehovah Jehovah JehovahI'm warning you if you say Jehovah once moreRight Who threw thatCome on Who threw thatHim - Life of Brian

Look I don't think it ought to be blasphemy just saying...

Stop! Will you stop that? Stop it! Now, look! No one is to stone anyone... until I blow this whistle - Life of Brian

Stop! Will you stop that? Stop it! Now, look! No one is to...

- Have I got a big nose, Mum? - Life of Brian

- Have I got a big nose, Mum?

Bless you sir Alms for the poorAlms for a leper Alms for an exleper - Life of Brian

Bless you sir Alms for the poorAlms for a leper Alms for an...

- All right. - Life of Brian

Well why don't you go and tell him that you want to be a leper againI could do that sir Yeah I could do that I supposeI was gonna ask him if he'd make me a bit lame in one leg during the middle of the weekYou know something beggable but not leprosy which - Life of Brian

Well why don't you go and tell him that you want to be...

Half a denary Me bloody life storyThere's no pleasing some peopleThat's just what Jesus said sir - Life of Brian

Half a denary Me bloody life storyThere's no pleasing...

Well I suppose I should've told you a long time agoWhat Well Brianyour father isn't Mr CohenWell I never thought he was None of your cheekHe was a Roman BrianHe was a centurion in the Roman armyYou mean you were raped Well at first yes - Life of Brian

Well I suppose I should've told you a long time agoWhat...

I'm not a Roman Mum And I never will beI'm a kike a Yid a hebe a hooknoseI'm kosher Mum I'm a Red Sea pedestrian and proud of it - Life of Brian

I'm not a Roman Mum And I never will beI'm a kike...

Sex, sex, sex. - Life of Brian

Why are you always on about women StanI want to be oneWhat I want to be a womanFrom now on I want you all to call me LorettaWhat It's my right as a manWell why do you want to be Loretta StanI want to have babiesYou want to have babiesIt's every man's - Life of Brian

Why are you always on about women StanI want to be oneWhat I...

It's every man's right to have babies if he wants themBut you can't have babies Don't you oppress meI'm not oppressing you You haven't got a wombWhere is the fetus gonna gestateYou're gonna keep it in a box - Life of Brian

It's every man's right to have babies if he wants...

Here, I've got an idea. - Life of Brian

Here, I've got an idea.

All right bag of otters noses then Make it two - Life of Brian

All right bag of otters noses then Make it two

Are you the Judean People's Front Fuck offWhat Judean People's FrontWe're the People's Front of JudeaJudean People's Front Wankers - Life of Brian

Are you the Judean People's Front Fuck offWhat Judean...

Listen if you wanted to join the P F Jyou'd have to really hate the RomansI do Oh yeah How muchA lotRight You're in - Life of Brian

Listen if you wanted to join the P F Jyou'd have to...

Listen The only people we hate more than the Romansare the fuckin' Judean People's FrontYeah SplittersAnd the Judean Popular People's Front Oh yeah SplittersAnd the People's Front of Judea SplittersWhat The People's Front of JudeaWe're the People's Front - Life of Brian

Listen The only people we hate more than the Romansare the...

Oh! I think I'm about to have a cardiac arrest. - Absolutely dreadful. - Life of Brian

Oh! I think I'm about to have a cardiac arrest. -...

Brother! - Life of Brian

What's this then Romanes eunt domusPeople called Romanes they go the houseIlt says Romans go homeNo it doesn't What's Latin for RomanCome on RomanesGoes like AnnusVocative plural of annus is AnniRomaniEunt What is eunt GoConjugate the verb to golre eo is - Life of Brian

What's this then Romanes eunt domusPeople called...

Finished! - Life of Brian

We're gettin' in through the underground heating system hereup through into the main audience chamber hereand Pilate's wife's bedroom is hereHaving grabbed his wife we inform Pilate that she is in our custodyand forthwith issue our demandsAny questions - Life of Brian

We're gettin' in through the underground heating...

They bled us white the bastards They've taken everything we hadAnd not just from us From our fathers and from our fathers' fathersAnd from our fathers' fathers' fathers YeahAnd from our fathers' fathers' fathers' fathers Don't labor the pointAnd what have - Life of Brian

They bled us white the bastards They've taken...

I'm a poor man. - Life of Brian

I'm a poor man.

From now on you shall be called Brian that is called Brian - Life of Brian

From now on you shall be called Brian that is called Brian

- Right. Where were we? - You were gonna punch me. - Life of Brian

- Right. Where were we? - You were gonna punch me.

What Quite the little jailer's pet are weWhat do you mean You must've slipped him a few shekelsSlipped him a few shekels You saw him spit in my faceOh what wouldn't I give to be spat at in the faceI sometimes hang awake at night dreaming of being spat at - Life of Brian

What Quite the little jailer's pet are weWhat do you...

Oh lay off me I've had a hard timeYou've had a hard time I've been here five yearsThey only hung me the right way up yesterday so don't you - Life of Brian

Oh lay off me I've had a hard timeYou've had a...

They must think you're Lord God AlmightyWhat will they do to me Oh you'll probably get away with crucifixionCrucifixion Yeah first offenseGet away with crucifixion It'sBest thing the Romans ever did for us WhatOh yeah if we didn't have crucifixion this - Life of Brian

They must think you're Lord God AlmightyWhat will they...

What will they do to me Oh you'll probably get away with crucifixionCrucifixion Yeah first offense - Life of Brian

What will they do to me Oh you'll probably get away...

Guard Nail him up I sayGuard Nail some sense into him - Life of Brian

Guard Nail him up I sayGuard Nail some sense into him

Now take my case. - Life of Brian

Now take my case.

Stwike him centurion very woughly - Life of Brian

Stwike him centurion very woughly

So your father was a Woman Who was heHe was a centurion in the Jerusalem garrison sirReally What was his nameNaughtius MaximusCenturion do you have anyone of that name in the garrisonWell no sirWell you sound very sure Have you checkedWell no sir I think - Life of Brian

So your father was a Woman Who was heHe was a centurion in...

Centurion, do you have anyone of that name in the garrison? - Life of Brian

Centurion, do you have anyone of that name in the garrison?

I will not have my friends "widiculed" by the common "soldiewy." Anyone else feel like a little giggle... - Life of Brian

I will not have my friends "widiculed" by the...

He has a wife, you know? - Life of Brian

He has a wife, you know?

And the bezan shall be huge and blackAnd the eyes thereof red with the blood of living creaturesAnd the whore of Babylonshall ride forth on a threeheaded serpentAnd throughout the lands there'll be a great rubbing of partsThe demon shall bear a ninebladed - Life of Brian

And the bezan shall be huge and blackAnd the eyes thereof...

There shall in that time be rumors of things going astrayum and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really areAnd nobody will really know where lieththose little thingswith the sort of raffia work base that has an attachmentAt this time a - Life of Brian

There shall in that time be rumors of things going astrayum...

You're supposed to argue Ten for that You must be mad - Life of Brian

You're supposed to argue Ten for that You must be mad

One total catastrophe like thisis just the beginning - Life of Brian

One total catastrophe like thisis just the beginning

Hello? Matthias? - Reg? - Go away. Reg, it's me, Brian. Get off! Get off out of it! - Stan! - Piss o - Life of Brian

Hello? Matthias? - Reg? - Go away. Reg, it's me, Brian....

Yea, verily at that time it is written in the book of Obadiah, a man shall strike his donkey and his nephew's donkey. - Life of Brian

Yea, verily at that time it is written in the book of...

Quiet Silly person - Life of Brian

Quiet Silly person

You know the penalty laid down by Roman lawfor harboring a known criminalNo CrucifixionOhNasty eh Could be worseWhat do you mean Could be worseWell you could be stabbedStabbed Takes a second Crucifixion lasts hoursIt's a slow horrible deathWell at least - Life of Brian

You know the penalty laid down by Roman lawfor harboring a...

No, sir. - Life of Brian

I'm sorry, Reg. - Life of Brian

I'm sorry, Reg.

My legs are old and bentMy ears are grizzled YesThere's one place we didn't look GuardsI'm just a poor old manMy nose is knackeredHave you ever seen anyone crucifiedCrucifixion's a doddleDon't keep saying thatFound this spoon sirWell done sergeantWe'll be - Life of Brian

My legs are old and bentMy ears are grizzled YesThere's...

Crucifixion's a doddleDon't keep saying that - Life of Brian

Crucifixion's a doddleDon't keep saying that

Found this spoon, sir. - Life of Brian

Found this spoon, sir.

Found this spoon, sir. - Life of Brian

Found this spoon, sir.

Open up! - Life of Brian

- ln that time - The serpent, he shall strike you - Holes from every bitch you got germs from - Jumbo jets - Life of Brian

- ln that time - The serpent, he shall strike you - Holes...

Don't pass judgement on other peopleor you might get judged yourselfWhat I said don't pass judgement on other peopleor else you might get judged tooWho me YesThank you very much Not just you All of you - Life of Brian

Don't pass judgement on other peopleor you might get...

Now hear this Blessed are theyThree who convert their neighbor's assesFor they shall inhibit their girth RubbishAnd to them only shall be givento them onlyshall be givenWhat HmmShall be given what Oh nothingWhat were you going to say NothingYes you were - Life of Brian

Now hear this Blessed are theyThree who convert their...

Look! Oh! Oh! He has given us a sign. He has given us his shoe! The shoe is the sign. Let us follow - Life of Brian

Look! Oh! Oh! He has given us a sign. He has given us his...

Come back! - Life of Brian

Master! Master! - Life of Brian

Master! Master!

Hey! ls there another way down? - Life of Brian

Hey! ls there another way down?

Hail Messiah I'm not the MessiahI say you are Lord and I should know I've followed a few - Life of Brian

Hail Messiah I'm not the MessiahI say you are Lord and...

I'm not the Messiah Will you please listenI'm not the Messiah Do you understand HonestlyOnly the true Messiah denies his divinityWhat Well what sort of chance does that give meAll right I am the MessiahHe is He is the MessiahNow fuck offHow shall we fuck - Life of Brian

I'm not the Messiah Will you please listenI'm not...

How shall we fuck off, O Lord? - Life of Brian

How shall we fuck off, O Lord?

I think they must have popped by for somethingPopped by Swarmed by more likeThere's a multitude out there - Life of Brian

I think they must have popped by for somethingPopped by...

The Messiah The Messiah Show us the MessiahThe who The MessiahThere's no messiah in hereThere's a mess all right but no messiah Now go away - Life of Brian

The Messiah The Messiah Show us the MessiahThe who The...

Now you listen here He's not the MessiahHe's a very naughty boy Now go away - Life of Brian

Now you listen here He's not the MessiahHe's a...

No no Please Please please listenI've got one or two things to sayTell us Tell us both of themLook you've got it all wrongYou don't need to follow meYou don't need to follow anybodyYou've got to think for yourselvesYou're all individualsYes we're all - Life of Brian

No no Please Please please listenI've got one or two...

Yes we are all difterent - Life of Brian

Yes we are all difterent

Excuse me YesAre you a virgin I beg your pardonWell if it's not a personal question are you a virginIf it's not a personal questionHow much more personal can you getNow piss offShe is Yeah definitely - Life of Brian

Excuse me YesAre you a virgin I beg your pardonWell if...

You're fuckin' nicked me old beauty - Life of Brian

You're fuckin' nicked me old beauty

Let me come with you PontiusI may be of thome athistance if there is a thudden crithis - Life of Brian

Let me come with you PontiusI may be of thome athistance if...

Next? Crucifixion? - Yes. - Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each. Next? Crucifixi - Life of Brian

Next? Crucifixion? - Yes. - Good. Out of the door, line on...

Next CrucifixionYes GoodOut of the door line on the left one cross eachNext CrucifixionUh no freedom Mmm WhatUh freedom for me They said I hadn't done anythingso I could go free and live on an island somewhereOh Well that's jolly good Well off you go - Life of Brian

Next CrucifixionYes GoodOut of the door line on the left one...

People of "Jewusalem," "Wome" is your "fwiend." - Life of Brian

People of "Jewusalem," "Wome" is your...

To "pwove" our "fwiendship," it is "customawy" at this time... - Life of Brian

To "pwove" our "fwiendship," it is...

Whom would you have me "welease"? - Life of Brian

Whom would you have me "welease"?

Was it something I said? - Life of Brian

Was it something I said?

Life of Brian poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Born on the original Christmas in the stable next door to Jesus Christ, Brian of Nazareth spends his life being mistaken for a messiah.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Terry Jones

Writer: Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam

Production: Handmade Films,Python (Monty) Pictures Limited

Genre: comedy

Year: 1979

MetaScore: 77/100

ImdbRating: 8.0

BoxOffice: $20,206,622

Released: 17 Aug 1979

Awards: N/A

Homepage:

Also watch: Monty Python and the Holy Grail, The Meaning of Life, Three Days of the Condor, And Now for Something Completely Different, Stir Crazy, Jaws, This Is Spinal Tap, Casablanca, Pleasure, Four Lions, Alien, A Fish Called Wanda, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Mad Max, The Right Stuff, The Jerk, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom