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Bless you sir Alms for the poorAlms for a leper Alms for an exleper
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Life of Brian

Alms for an ex-leper!

Leper 1:Alms for a leper!Leper 2:Alms for a leper!Ex-Leper:Alms for an ex-leper!

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.017
Bless you sir Alms for the poor
00:00:03.025 --> 00:00:06.063
Alms for a leper Alms for an exleper
Available in 6 languages
Duration
8 seconds
Views
609
Timestamp in Movie
00:14:30
Uploaded
Mar 09, 2026
Genres
comedy
Production
Handmade Films,Python (Monty) Pictures Limited

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Movie Summary

Born on the original Christmas in the stable next door to Jesus Christ, Brian of Nazareth spends his life being mistaken for a messiah.

Actors

John Cleese
Wise Man #1
John Cleese
- All right. - Life of Brian 00:58
- All right.
Well why don't you go and tell him that you want to be a leper againI could do that sir Yeah I could do that I supposeI was gonna ask him if he'd make me a bit lame in one leg during the middle of the weekYou know something beggable but not leprosy which - Life of Brian 00:22
Well why don't you go and tell him that you want to be...
Half a denary Me bloody life storyThere's no pleasing some peopleThat's just what Jesus said sir - Life of Brian 00:10
Half a denary Me bloody life storyThere's no pleasing...
Well I suppose I should've told you a long time agoWhat Well Brianyour father isn't Mr CohenWell I never thought he was None of your cheekHe was a Roman BrianHe was a centurion in the Roman armyYou mean you were raped Well at first yes - Life of Brian 00:24
Well I suppose I should've told you a long time agoWhat...
I'm not a Roman Mum And I never will beI'm a kike a Yid a hebe a hooknoseI'm kosher Mum I'm a Red Sea pedestrian and proud of it - Life of Brian 00:13
I'm not a Roman Mum And I never will beI'm a kike...
Sex, sex, sex. - Life of Brian 00:09
Sex, sex, sex.
Why are you always on about women StanI want to be oneWhat I want to be a womanFrom now on I want you all to call me LorettaWhat It's my right as a manWell why do you want to be Loretta StanI want to have babiesYou want to have babiesIt's every man's - Life of Brian 00:42
Why are you always on about women StanI want to be oneWhat I...
It's every man's right to have babies if he wants themBut you can't have babies Don't you oppress meI'm not oppressing you You haven't got a wombWhere is the fetus gonna gestateYou're gonna keep it in a box - Life of Brian 00:16
It's every man's right to have babies if he wants...
Here, I've got an idea. - Life of Brian 00:36
Here, I've got an idea.
All right bag of otters noses then Make it two - Life of Brian 00:10
All right bag of otters noses then Make it two
Are you the Judean People's Front Fuck offWhat Judean People's FrontWe're the People's Front of JudeaJudean People's Front Wankers - Life of Brian 00:15
Are you the Judean People's Front Fuck offWhat Judean...
Listen if you wanted to join the P F Jyou'd have to really hate the RomansI do Oh yeah How muchA lotRight You're in - Life of Brian 00:18
Listen if you wanted to join the P F Jyou'd have to...
Listen The only people we hate more than the Romansare the fuckin' Judean People's FrontYeah SplittersAnd the Judean Popular People's Front Oh yeah SplittersAnd the People's Front of Judea SplittersWhat The People's Front of JudeaWe're the People's Front - Life of Brian 00:35
Listen The only people we hate more than the Romansare the...
Oh! I think I'm about to have a cardiac arrest. - Absolutely dreadful. - Life of Brian 00:11
Oh! I think I'm about to have a cardiac arrest. -...
Brother! - Life of Brian 00:13
Brother!
What's this then Romanes eunt domusPeople called Romanes they go the houseIlt says Romans go homeNo it doesn't What's Latin for RomanCome on RomanesGoes like AnnusVocative plural of annus is AnniRomaniEunt What is eunt GoConjugate the verb to golre eo is - Life of Brian 01:25
What's this then Romanes eunt domusPeople called...
Finished! - Life of Brian 00:11
Finished!
We're gettin' in through the underground heating system hereup through into the main audience chamber hereand Pilate's wife's bedroom is hereHaving grabbed his wife we inform Pilate that she is in our custodyand forthwith issue our demandsAny questions - Life of Brian 00:27
We're gettin' in through the underground heating...
They bled us white the bastards They've taken everything we hadAnd not just from us From our fathers and from our fathers' fathersAnd from our fathers' fathers' fathers YeahAnd from our fathers' fathers' fathers' fathers Don't labor the pointAnd what have - Life of Brian 01:24
They bled us white the bastards They've taken...
I'm a poor man. - Life of Brian 00:11
I'm a poor man.