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Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

A goatherd seeks help from a witch to break a curse that prevents him from taking a wife, so she sets upon him a series of impossible tasks.

Director

Michael Hines

Year

Genre

adventure, comedy, family

Box Office

N/A

Production

Paper Canoe

Awards

N/A

Homepage

https://www.manandwitch.com/

Witch

Goatherd

Greg Steinbruner

Dog

Donkey

Sheep

The Mother

The Wisewoman

Shohreh Aghdashloo

Alchemist

Christopher Lloyd

Holy Woman

King

Soldier

Thomas Bradfield

Gummy the Ogre

King's Guard

Katharine Edwards

Evil Wizard

Michael Emerson

Bonny Prince Bonnybottom

Ogre King

The Neighbor

Reginald D. Hunter

Prince Jerry the Jester

Soldier

Prince Brad The Muscular

Gareth Morrison

Dance Master

Giovanni Pernice

Captain of the Guard

Goose

Jennifer Saunders

Ogre

Ogre

Princess

Blacksmith

View All Cast

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Explore 271 Clips

-And henceforth let
this land be plagued By Ogres! - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-And henceforth let this land be plagued By Ogres!

-It was the Green-eyed Lady
of Banebower - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-It was the Green-eyed Lady of Banebower

-I guess most people know that. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-I guess most people know that.

The land had been known
far and wide - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

The land had been known far and wide

For years the Kingdom
had been plagued by Ogres - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

For years the Kingdom had been plagued by Ogres

-When he arose, - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-When he arose,

-Ugh, and smells like something
the cat pooped in. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-Ugh, and smells like something the cat pooped in.

-When the Plague
of a Thousand Ogres is ended, - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-When the Plague of a Thousand Ogres is ended,

I should explain. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

I should explain.

-Which said that as long
as the Ogre's lived - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-Which said that as long as the Ogre's lived

For no good reason I've
never had a single sweetheart, - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

For no good reason I've never had a single sweetheart,

-All his life, - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

That night his dreams were dark
and full of terrors. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

That night his dreams were dark and full of terrors.

-This child shall never take
a wife... - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-This child shall never take a wife...

No, not even an enjoyable picnic
with a maid shall he have! - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

No, not even an enjoyable picnic with a maid shall he have!

-Nevertheless,
in his heart - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-Nevertheless, in his heart

For if he could
but undo the curse, - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

For if he could but undo the curse,

"He'll never take a wife."
That's what he said. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

"He'll never take a wife." That's what h...

If you get to
the Ogre King's Keep, - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

If you get to the Ogre King's Keep,

And you'll be betrothed
to the Princess - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

And you'll be betrothed to the Princess

-And so with his Mother's
fond encouragement -- - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-And so with his Mother's fond encouragement --

She fit me like this hand
fits this glove! - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

She fit me like this hand fits this glove!

They pulled her right out
from under me - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

They pulled her right out from under me

-I'm the Captain
of the King's Guard - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-I'm the Captain of the King's Guard

-Can you move the foot? - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-Can you move the foot?

You're very brave to venture
thus far into the hinterland. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

You're very brave to venture thus far into the hinterla...

I'm a fighter not a lover, - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

I'm a fighter not a lover,

Call at the Castle for
the Captain of the King's Guard. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

Call at the Castle for the Captain of the King's Guard.

Why have you come? - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

Why have you come?

-I seek the Hag -- - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-I seek the Hag --

I wish -- - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

If you want to live a long life, - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

If you want to live a long life,

Leave payment on the table - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

Leave payment on the table

And I warn you,
the more wishes you make, - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

And I warn you, the more wishes you make,

-No! You want a maidservant!
A trophy! - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-No! You want a maidservant! A trophy!

A baby oven! A mother!
That's what you want! - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

A baby oven! A mother! That's what you want!

You don't even know - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

You don't even know

That thing where you
just look at someone, - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

That thing where you just look at someone,

That know what's
inside each other's heart, - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

That know what's inside each other's heart,

Can never take a wife, eh. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

Can never take a wife, eh.

Mirror, mirror,
old and grey, - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

Mirror, mirror, old and grey,

But first you will accomplish
three tasks of my devising. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

But first you will accomplish three tasks of my devising.

It shall be done before thirteen
moons have waxed and waned. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

It shall be done before thirteen moons have waxed and waned.

For this service,
you shall give me, - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

For this service, you shall give me,

I shall give to you
my first born child - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

I shall give to you my first born child

And you don't think
this wife of yours - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

And you don't think this wife of yours

Just blithely
promised away - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

Just blithely promised away

Nine months of nausea,
stretch marks, - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

Nine months of nausea, stretch marks,

Hubby just grabs the little
bean, head all steaming, - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

Hubby just grabs the little bean, head all steaming,

Weensy bit
man-centric thinking - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

Weensy bit man-centric thinking

-You will lift
the Sacred Caber of Tam Lin. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-You will lift the Sacred Caber of Tam Lin.

-Ten thousand liftings
of the Caber. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-Ten thousand liftings of the Caber.

You will lift it
by the strength - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

You will lift it by the strength

Return the instant it is done. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

Return the instant it is done.

Here's looking at you, kid. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

Here's looking at you, kid.

Firstborn child.
What a cliché. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

Firstborn child. What a cliché.

-10,000?!
-You won't lift it once. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-10,000?! -You won't lift it once.

-No, there is no "try."
Only "do." - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-No, there is no "try." Only "do."

-Should we go with him, - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-Should we go with him,

-And as a function
of fiscal policy, - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-And as a function of fiscal policy,

Okay, so, anyway, - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

Okay, so, anyway,

Of course, I took good care
of the body the gods gave me. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

Of course, I took good care of the body the gods gave me.

A donkey, a mule, and a horse
go in a bar. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

A donkey, a mule, and a horse go in a bar.

So, imagine, right, - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

So, imagine, right,

The barman says to the donkey, - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

The barman says to the donkey,

A mule works -- is working
at a monastery. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

A mule works -- is working at a monastery.

A goatherd who possesses
the ogre stone? - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

A goatherd who possesses the ogre stone?

The barman says,
"Why the long face?" - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

The barman says, "Why the long face?"

-A gopher?
Imagine that. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-A gopher? Imagine that.

-She thinks it's the one
the Evil Wizard had. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-She thinks it's the one the Evil Wizard had.

-Is it the one
the Evil Wizard had? - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-Is it the one the Evil Wizard had?

Imagine it falling
into the hands of a gopher! - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

Imagine it falling into the hands of a gopher!

To transmute the power
locked within is trivial! - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

To transmute the power locked within is trivial!

Simply channel the plasmic
radiance of a thousand suns - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

Simply channel the plasmic radiance of a thousand suns

To think, this divine power
hiding for years - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

To think, this divine power hiding for years

Be done in a jiffy
if I go then, alright. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

Be done in a jiffy if I go then, alright.

-The Sultan offered a hundred
goats for your hand, darling. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-The Sultan offered a hundred goats for your hand, darling.

-Darling, have you
met someone recently? - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-Darling, have you met someone recently?

He had the ogre stone. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

He had the ogre stone.

Sometimes he disguises himself
as a -- - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

Sometimes he disguises himself as a --

I think I would know Zeus
if I saw Zeus naked. - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

I think I would know Zeus if I saw Zeus naked.

-You saw the goatherd naked? - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-You saw the goatherd naked?

-Mother, he is just an ordinary,
garden variety goatherd! - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-Mother, he is just an ordinary, garden variety goatherd!

-Fire in the hole! - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-Fire in the hole!

No! He's -- - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

If the goatherd has
a lot of goats, or a castle, - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

If the goatherd has a lot of goats, or a castle,

-Only 9,999 to go! - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-Only 9,999 to go!

-11 months.
First task of three! - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-11 months. First task of three!

-I thought you'd be impressed
that I -- - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-I thought you'd be impressed that I --

-Probably think
it's a big accomplishment, - Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps

-Probably think it's a big accomplishment,

Man and Witch: The Dance of a Thousand Steps poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

A goatherd seeks help from a witch to break a curse that prevents him from taking a wife, so she sets upon him a series of impossible tasks.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Michael Hines

Writer: Greg Steinbruner

Production: Paper Canoe

Genre: adventure, comedy, family

Year: 2024

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: 5.5

BoxOffice: N/A

Released: 27 Sep 2024

Awards: N/A

Homepage: https://www.manandwitch.com/