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"MASH" quotes

MASH poster
The staff of a Korean War field hospital use humor and high jinks to keep their sanity in the face of the horror of war.

Director: Robert Altman
Writer: Richard Hooker, Ring Lardner Jr.
Production: N/A
Genre: comedy, drama, war
Year: 1970
MetaScore: 80/100
ImdbRating: 7.4
BoxOffice: $81,600,000
Released: 18 Mar 1970
Awards: Won 1 Oscar. 14 wins & 24 nominations total
Attention Captain Mclntyre will give a lecture on blood and fluid replacement - MASH 00:14 Attention Captain Mclntyre will give a lecture on blood and... There's no competition to the Painless Pole but it's pretty healthy - MASH 00:06 There's no competition to the Painless Pole but... I don't drink - MASH 00:06 I don't drink Attention Attention May I have the camp's attention - MASH 00:25 Attention Attention May I have the camp's attention Look Dago he is not committing suicide only intending to - MASH 00:06 Look Dago he is not committing suicide only intending to Right we're not here to sell lemonade we're here to practise - MASH 00:16 Right we're not here to sell lemonade we're here... What kind of team is this - MASH 00:06 What kind of team is this You can't blame Henry because Hot Lips Houlihan can't stand her name - MASH 00:06 You can't blame Henry because Hot Lips Houlihan... I would have invited you back to share my little bed with me and you might have come - MASH 00:07 I would have invited you back to share my little bed with me... There you are sir The officers' mess Perhaps you would like to take a small repas - MASH 00:28 There you are sir The officers' mess Perhaps you would... What is it Henry's got our orders We can go home - MASH 00:26 What is it Henry's got our orders We can go home Finished work for the day Yes Why - MASH 00:26 Finished work for the day Yes Why I wasn't gonna fool around out here because I got these - MASH 00:28 I wasn't gonna fool around out here because I got these Sir ever since the dark days before Pearl Harbor I've been proud to wear this uniform - MASH 00:08 Sir ever since the dark days before Pearl Harbor I've... Schermerhorn Get that son of a bitch He just stole my jeep - MASH 00:08 Schermerhorn Get that son of a bitch He just stole my jeep Attention Captain Bandi Captain Bandini - MASH 00:22 Attention Captain Bandi Captain Bandini Attention camp compound Urine specimens will be required from all pers - MASH 00:10 Attention camp compound Urine specimens will be required... Attention Attention - MASH 00:32 Attention Attention Why didn't you tell me about the papers I tried to - MASH 00:05 Why didn't you tell me about the papers I tried to I got an idea how we can make some money - MASH 00:17 I got an idea how we can make some money Now we're going to begin with the three basic principles - MASH 00:14 Now we're going to begin with the three basic... I wanna make sure the oozing is checked Damn perfectionist - MASH 00:07 I wanna make sure the oozing is checked Damn perfectionist Doctor Doctor You forgot your shingle Doctor - MASH 00:06 Doctor Doctor You forgot your shingle Doctor You can't go in the colonel's office That's who we're lookin' for - MASH 00:06 You can't go in the colonel's office That's... Lieutenant you look terrible Captain look at his eyes Let me see your tongue - MASH 01:10 Lieutenant you look terrible Captain look at his eyes Let me... Frank Burns does not know his way around an operating theatre - MASH 00:13 Frank Burns does not know his way around an operating... I wish they wouldn't land these things when we're playing golf - MASH 00:06 I wish they wouldn't land these things when we're... Frank were you on this religious kick at home or did you crack up over here - MASH 00:15 Frank were you on this religious kick at home or did you... Attention camp compound Corporal Judson has informed the colonel's office - MASH 00:21 Attention camp compound Corporal Judson has informed the... All noncommissioned Attention Attention - MASH 00:13 All noncommissioned Attention Attention What's that That's a martini Frank - MASH 00:51 What's that That's a martini Frank Shall follow What's this here - MASH 00:26 Shall follow What's this here Attention Attention Friday night's movie will be The Glory Brigade - MASH 00:26 Attention Attention Friday night's movie will be The... Goddamn army - MASH 00:14 Goddamn army I don't know I must have lost my punch I never expected the son of a bitch to get up - MASH 00:06 I don't know I must have lost my punch I never expected... Right we're not here to sell lemonade we're here to practise - MASH 00:16 Right we're not here to sell lemonade we're here... There was nothing I could do - MASH 00:20 There was nothing I could do If this guy knew the clowns who are operating on him he'd faint - MASH 00:05 If this guy knew the clowns who are operating on him... Anybody know if he's an officer or an enlisted man - MASH 00:08 Anybody know if he's an officer or an enlisted man Well you know Man o'War - MASH 00:30 Well you know Man o'War Goddamn army - MASH 00:03 Goddamn army Suicide is painless - MASH 00:05 Suicide is painless I'm tired of you trying to run this outfit There's going to be disciplinary action - MASH 00:26 I'm tired of you trying to run this outfit There's... Who are you - MASH 00:15 Who are you It's a good thing you have a nice body nurse or we'd get rid of you - MASH 00:05 It's a good thing you have a nice body nurse or... All right I demand an explanation - MASH 00:19 All right I demand an explanation Bastard 88 called me a coon - MASH 00:17 Bastard 88 called me a coon Oh Frank Oh Frank my lips are hot - MASH 00:08 Oh Frank Oh Frank my lips are hot Oh Frank Oh yes Is this the Bickersons I love them - MASH 00:10 Oh Frank Oh yes Is this the Bickersons I love them Is that true what I hear about you Duke back to the kidney Come on - MASH 01:02 Is that true what I hear about you Duke back to the kidney... Dish let me have a long needle holder - MASH 00:40 Dish let me have a long needle holder Are you a beer drinker or would you like to share a martini - MASH 00:39 Are you a beer drinker or would you like to share a martini Due to a possible camp infection Arlene Chu's Hollywood Grill is now off limits - MASH 00:09 Due to a possible camp infection Arlene Chu's Hollywood... And if you don't turn them over to the MP this minute - MASH 00:33 And if you don't turn them over to the MP this minute Radar what's the general trying to say Didn't bring him in in the first half - MASH 00:16 Radar what's the general trying to say Didn't... A football game - MASH 00:16 A football game God meant us to find each other - MASH 00:09 God meant us to find each other He does not know his way around a body - MASH 01:06 He does not know his way around a body I didn't hear What colour was her hair - MASH 00:52 I didn't hear What colour was her hair I wonder how such a degenerate - MASH 00:09 I wonder how such a degenerate You idiot I said a cardiac needle - MASH 00:11 You idiot I said a cardiac needle Dammit Henry Frank Burns is a menace - MASH 00:14 Dammit Henry Frank Burns is a menace What are you two hoodlums doing here Ma'am we are surgeons here to operate - MASH 00:45 What are you two hoodlums doing here Ma'am we are... This isn't a hospital It's an insane asylum - MASH 00:06 This isn't a hospital It's an insane asylum No no No food No food - MASH 00:16 No no No food No food Henry you gotta do something We have stuck it out for a week Pretty girl - MASH 01:12 Henry you gotta do something We have stuck it out for a week... Radar Oh I'm Corporal O'Reilly They call me Radar - MASH 00:14 Radar Oh I'm Corporal O'Reilly They call me Radar Oh by the way I have a report here Henry from your chief nurse Major O'Houlihan - MASH 00:16 Oh by the way I have a report here Henry from your chief... Oh and I had another idea I think we should have some plays - MASH 00:23 Oh and I had another idea I think we should have some plays Captain Hawkeye Pierce I had a TWX about you Seems you stole ajeep at headquarters - MASH 00:11 Captain Hawkeye Pierce I had a TWX about you Seems you stole... My God They've shot him - MASH 00:09 My God They've shot him Attention Tonight's movie has been MASH - MASH 01:06 Attention Tonight's movie has been MASH Colonel fair's fair If I nail Hot Lips and punch Hawkeye can I go home - MASH 00:07 Colonel fair's fair If I nail Hot Lips and punch... He's formulating the answer - MASH 01:06 He's formulating the answer All right bub your fuckin' head is comin' right off - MASH 00:05 All right bub your fuckin' head is comin' right... It brings on many changes - MASH 00:23 It brings on many changes If that's OK with you then we got a deal - MASH 00:29 If that's OK with you then we got a deal 4077th MASH This is the jeep here - MASH 00:20 4077th MASH This is the jeep here Who are those men Friends of yours Murrhardt - MASH 00:31 Who are those men Friends of yours Murrhardt

Cast

Hawkeye Pierce - Donald Sutherland
Trapper John McIntyre - Elliott Gould
Duke Forrest - Tom Skerritt
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' O'Houlihan - Sally Kellerman
Maj. Frank Burns - Robert Duvall