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Members Club

Wet Dreams, a middle aged male stripper group, take one last gig at a rural working mens club only to discover they are to become sacrifices in a plot to raise a murderous 16th century witch from the dead.

Director

Marc Coleman

Year

Genre

Box Office

N/A

Production

Blackwater Pictures

Awards

N/A

Alan

Neil

Deano

Ratboy

Carly

David Alexander

Daisy

Joanne

Trish

Blind Brian

Christine

Adonis

Cheese and Pineapple Hedgehog

Geoff

Officer

Agnes

Charley Burling

Police Officer

DJ Goldfish

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Explore 174 Clips

To be fair, we probably should
have stopped after the first dance. - Members Club

To be fair, we probably should have stopped after the first ...

Alright, now listen, before you have a
pop at me, I've got dyslexia, all right? - Members Club

Alright, now listen, before you have a pop at me, I've ...

Lily's mum says she
wants us off the premises - Members Club

Lily's mum says she wants us off the premises

The only thing Charlene's
hitting, Neil, is your cousin's cock. - Members Club

The only thing Charlene's hitting, Neil, is your cousin...

Come on, lads, quick as you
like, before we end up on a register. - Members Club

Come on, lads, quick as you like, before we end up on a regi...

I didn't want to do
this today, but um... - Members Club

I didn't want to do this today, but um...

Yeah, well, nip round the
office on Wednesday and I'll - Members Club

Yeah, well, nip round the office on Wednesday and I'll

Should we be the most popular
stripper duo in Zanty for three seasons? - Members Club

Should we be the most popular stripper duo in Zanty for thre...

Company phone, keys to the van. - Members Club

Company phone, keys to the van.

Anything you get, I want 20%
and if you haven't got anything - Members Club

Anything you get, I want 20% and if you haven't got any...

Evening ladies, welcome to
another evening of pensioner passion. - Members Club

Evening ladies, welcome to another evening of pensioner pass...

I'm here to 6 a.m., so take
those teeth out and let's party. - Members Club

I'm here to 6 a.m., so take those teeth out and let...

Just stay out of
Daisy's life, okay? - Members Club

Just stay out of Daisy's life, okay?

Oi, stripper man.
Show us your winkle. - Members Club

Oi, stripper man. Show us your winkle.

I mean, Wet Dreams,
fulfilling fantasies since '94. - Members Club

I mean, Wet Dreams, fulfilling fantasies since '94.

Absolutely riddled
with asbestos. - Members Club

Absolutely riddled with asbestos.

641, can you confirm you're making
the 10:45am drop off the Downing Road? - Members Club

641, can you confirm you're making the 10:45am drop off...

...you lazy bastard. - Members Club

...you lazy bastard.

Who you callin'
Fat Neck? You chubby prick! - Members Club

Who you callin' Fat Neck? You chubby prick!

Hempie, this Friday, at in
Essex, one dance, 800 quid. - Members Club

Hempie, this Friday, at in Essex, one dance, 800 quid.

No, the best part is, free booze,
buffet and cash in hand on the night. - Members Club

No, the best part is, free booze, buffet and cash in hand on...

Right, lads, shave your
backs, clean your teeth, - Members Club

Right, lads, shave your backs, clean your teeth,

Alright darling, it's me. - Members Club

Alright darling, it's me.

Your other senses get turned up to 11,
making you sharper than a wasp's prick. - Members Club

Your other senses get turned up to 11, making you sharper th...

-Right, we'll just make our way then, yeah?
-Yeah, yeah, go on it. Yeah, go on in. - Members Club

-Right, we'll just make our way then, yeah? -Yeah, yeah...

Oh, lads, I heard it's
gonna be a riot tonight. - Members Club

Oh, lads, I heard it's gonna be a riot tonight.

Right, so, which one of
you is "Double-Dip-Deano"? - Members Club

Right, so, which one of you is "Double-Dip-Deano"?

I'm the organizer
of tonight's event. - Members Club

I'm the organizer of tonight's event.

And I would just like you to know that my
client is very, very particular about the - Members Club

And I would just like you to know that my client is very, ve...

We have got nibbles
for you in the green room. - Members Club

We have got nibbles for you in the green room.

Oh, and please, do not leave
the green room once you're - Members Club

Oh, and please, do not leave the green room once you're

Do you want us to get the full-on
balls out for extra 200 quid? - Members Club

Do you want us to get the full-on balls out for extra 200 qu...

Uh, no, I don't think you'll be
needing to get those out tonight. - Members Club

Uh, no, I don't think you'll be needing to get tho...

Oh, come on, boys. Come
with me, I'll get you a drink. - Members Club

Oh, come on, boys. Come with me, I'll get you a drink.

Go on, knock yourself out, boys.
Don't forget, 4.3 show limit, yeah? - Members Club

Go on, knock yourself out, boys. Don't forget, 4.3 show...

Ah, thanks, but I've seen enough
screaming middle-aged women in my time. - Members Club

Ah, thanks, but I've seen enough screaming middle-aged ...

Oh, no, no, no, no. No, you can't
leave. You can have a kip here. - Members Club

Oh, no, no, no, no. No, you can't leave. You can have a...

I've slept in my van for seven months
when my second marriage broke up in '96. - Members Club

I've slept in my van for seven months when my second ma...

Then deal with the fat
grunt sat outside in the van. - Members Club

Then deal with the fat grunt sat outside in the van.

After that, I don't want
to see you until dawn. - Members Club

After that, I don't want to see you until dawn.

Remember, nobody comes
in, and nothing gets out. - Members Club

Remember, nobody comes in, and nothing gets out.

-I'm gonna tear the ass out of that buffet.
-That is a lovely spread. - Members Club

-I'm gonna tear the ass out of that buffet. -That is a ...

So I was going at it
for like the third time - Members Club

So I was going at it for like the third time

I thought, hold on a minute,
she's just after my baby back. - Members Club

I thought, hold on a minute, she's just after my baby b...

So I'm about to leave and in the doorway
appears her old man with a table leg. - Members Club

So I'm about to leave and in the doorway appears her ol...

I say, come on
in, let's have it! - Members Club

I say, come on in, let's have it!

No, I'm serious!
Your full of shit, mate. - Members Club

No, I'm serious! Your full of shit, mate.

Honestly though. Thanks, mate. I
ain't cried like that in ages. - Members Club

Honestly though. Thanks, mate. I ain't cried like that ...

Um, sorry, love, I think it's been some
sort of mix-up. We bring our own outfits. - Members Club

Um, sorry, love, I think it's been some sort of mix-up....

No, apparently
in the contract, - Members Club

No, apparently in the contract,

What's you mean robes?
Bath robes? - Members Club

What's you mean robes? Bath robes?

I just thought I'd let you know
the others are arriving soon. - Members Club

I just thought I'd let you know the others are arriving...

Sorry, I'm new to all
this witchy role play stuff. - Members Club

Sorry, I'm new to all this witchy role play stuff.

Did you at least bring your
mask for the sacrificial circle? - Members Club

Did you at least bring your mask for the sacrificial circle?

Now, the only problem is, I couldn't
find any sticks because I live in a flat, - Members Club

Now, the only problem is, I couldn't find any sticks be...

Save the planet, that kind
of thing. Don't ya think? - Members Club

Save the planet, that kind of thing. Don't ya think?

Oh, all that food and I've
plain had it with my guts. - Members Club

Oh, all that food and I've plain had it with my guts.

To what will be the most
important night in our history. - Members Club

To what will be the most important night in our history.

And murdered in front of
her entire village in 1576. - Members Club

And murdered in front of her entire village in 1576.

As we stand on the same ground from
which you were taken from us, Mother, - Members Club

As we stand on the same ground from which you were taken fro...

These four, pathetic, weak
men that sit before you today, - Members Club

These four, pathetic, weak men that sit before you today,

Crush their masculinity,
and they will obey you. - Members Club

Crush their masculinity, and they will obey you.

Your pilgrimage of revenge
against those who have - Members Club

Your pilgrimage of revenge against those who have

Joanne, - Members Club

Sister, we want to thank you for your
service as the Coven's vessel, - Members Club

Sister, we want to thank you for your service as the Coven&#...

First off, I thought there
was going to be cocktails. - Members Club

First off, I thought there was going to be cocktails.

Our sister who lies within the earth,
hear this call, this is your rebirth. - Members Club

Our sister who lies within the earth, hear this call, this i...

Use this vessel to pass
through our mortal threshold. - Members Club

Use this vessel to pass through our mortal threshold.

Oh, thank you. - Members Club

She will rise up and take
what is rightfully hers. - Members Club

She will rise up and take what is rightfully hers.

I know you like them old, but
that that is fucking ancient. - Members Club

I know you like them old, but that that is fucking ancient.

Al, you won't let that
thing take my knob, will ya? - Members Club

Al, you won't let that thing take my knob, will ya?

What the actual fuck
is wrong with everyone today!? - Members Club

What the actual fuck is wrong with everyone today!?

Trish, why don't you fill us all in on how
you've managed to get two people killed - Members Club

Trish, why don't you fill us all in on how you've ...

Christine said she wanted some
horrible men for a ceremonial circle. - Members Club

Christine said she wanted some horrible men for a ceremonial...

Your herbs just got
my mate killed back there. - Members Club

Your herbs just got my mate killed back there.

This is what you get when you
don't read the contract Alan. - Members Club

This is what you get when you don't read the contract A...

So if you'd like to follow
me, I can't wait to show you - Members Club

So if you'd like to follow me, I can't wait to sho...

Maybe we'll just take another look at
the kitchen diner downstairs, shall we? - Members Club

Maybe we'll just take another look at the kitchen diner...

I don't suppose either of you
two can witch me up a pickaxe - Members Club

I don't suppose either of you two can witch me up a pic...

When I first got into witchcraft,
I was going through a breakup, - Members Club

When I first got into witchcraft, I was going through a brea...

If we had her book, we could
do like an all-encompassing spell. - Members Club

If we had her book, we could do like an all-encompassing spe...

It's like a reset button, knocks out
any magic powers in a 50-foot radius. - Members Club

It's like a reset button, knocks out any magic powers i...

Well, I can't say I'm relying
on those tunnel, can we? - Members Club

Well, I can't say I'm relying on those tunnel, can...

You know, some of us
actually care about the - Members Club

You know, some of us actually care about the

As soon as I'm gone, make
sure it's secure again. - Members Club

As soon as I'm gone, make sure it's secure again.

I'm going to carry on with my
tunnel, just to cover all bases. - Members Club

I'm going to carry on with my tunnel, just to cover all...

Because if she isn't, she
will embody your worst fears. - Members Club

Because if she isn't, she will embody your worst fears.

You love her so much, why don't
you go over there and give her a kiss? - Members Club

You love her so much, why don't you go over there and g...

There were complications
with the resurrection. - Members Club

There were complications with the resurrection.

Members Club poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Wet Dreams, a middle aged male stripper group, take one last gig at a rural working mens club only to discover they are to become sacrifices in a plot to raise a murderous 16th century witch from the dead.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Marc Coleman

Writer: Marc Coleman

Production: Blackwater Pictures

Genre: comedy, horror

Year: 2024

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: N/A

BoxOffice: N/A

Released: 21 Oct 2024

Awards: N/A

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