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Quiet There are ways of telling whether she is a witchAre there What are they Tell us Do they hurtTell me what do you do with witchesBurn themWhat do you burn apart from witches More witchesWood So
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Sir Bedevere:There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.Peasant 1:Are there? Oh well, tell us.Sir Bedevere:Tell me. What do you do with witches?Peasant 1:Burn them.Sir Bedevere:And what do you burn, apart from witches?Peasant 1:More witches.Peasant 2:Wood.Sir Bedevere:Good. Now, why do witches burn?Peasant 3:...because they're made of... wood?Sir Bedevere:Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?Peasant 1:Build a bridge out of her.Sir Bedevere:But can you not also build bridges out of stone?Peasant 1:Oh yeah.Sir Bedevere:Does wood sink in water?Peasant 1:No, no, it floats!... It floats! Throw her into the pond!Sir Bedevere:No, no. What else floats in water?Peasant 1:Bread.Peasant 2:Apples.Peasant 3:Very small rocks.Peasant 1:Cider.Peasant 2:Gravy.Peasant 3:Cherries.Peasant 1:Mud.Peasant 2:Churches.Peasant 3:Lead! Lead!King Arthur:A Duck.Sir Bedevere:...Exactly. So, logically...Peasant 1:If she weighed the same as A Duck... she's made of wood.Sir Bedevere:And therefore...Peasant 2:...A witch!

Full Transcript

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Quiet There are ways of telling whether she is a witch
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Are there What are they Tell us Do they hurt
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Tell me what do you do with witches
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Burn them
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What do you burn apart from witches More witches
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Wood So why do witches burn
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'Cause they're made of wood Good
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So how do we tell whether she is made of wood
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Build a bridge out of her Can you not also make bridges of stone
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Oh yeah
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Does wood sink in water
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No It floats
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Throw her into the pond
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What also floats in water Bread
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Apples Very small rocks
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Cider Cherries Gravy Mud
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Churches Lead
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A duck
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Exactly
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So logically
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If she
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weighs the same as a duck
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She's made of wood
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And therefore
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A witch A witch
Available in 6 languages
Duration
100 seconds
Views
2,709
Timestamp in Movie
00:18:32
Uploaded
Feb 22, 2026
Genres
adventure, comedy, fantasy
Production
Python (Monty) Pictures Limited,Michael White Productions,National Film Trustee Company

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Movie Summary

King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table embark on a surreal, low-budget search for the Holy Grail, encountering many, very silly obstacles.

Actors

Graham Chapman
King Arthur
Graham Chapman
John Cleese
Second Swallow-savvy Guard
John Cleese
- 'Cause they're made of wood? - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 00:27
- 'Cause they're made of wood?
- What also floats in water? - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 00:36
- What also floats in water?
Right. Remove the supports! - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 00:06
Right. Remove the supports!
Remove the supports! - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 00:13
Remove the supports!
- A witch! - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 00:06
- A witch!
That my liege is how we know the Earth to be banana shapedThis new learning amazes me Sir BedevereExplain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 00:12
That my liege is how we know the Earth to be banana...
Certainly sir Look my liegeCamelot CamelotCamelot It's only a model - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 00:12
Certainly sir Look my liegeCamelot CamelotCamelot It's...
- Camelot. - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 00:25
- Camelot.
We're knights of the Round Table We dance whene'er we're ableWe do routines and chorus scenes With footwork impeccableWe dine well here in Camelot We eat ham and jam and Spam a lotWe're knights of the Round Table Our shows are formidableBut many times - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 01:03
We're knights of the Round Table We dance whene'er...
♪We're knights of the Round Table Our shows are formidable ♪But many times We're given rhymes ♪That are quite unsingable We're opera mad in Camelot ♪We sing from the diaphragm a lot - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 00:14
♪We're knights of the Round Table Our shows are...
♪In war we're tough and able ♪Quite indefatigable ♪Between our quests We sequin vests ♪And impersonate Clark Gable It's a busy life in Camelot ♪I have to push the pram a lot - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 00:20
♪In war we're tough and able ♪Quite indefatigable...
In war we're tough and able - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 00:27
In war we're tough and able
No, on second thoughts, let's not go to Camelot. - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 00:07
No, on second thoughts, let's not go to Camelot.
Don't grovel If there's one thing I can't stand it's people groveling - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 00:06
Don't grovel If there's one thing I can't...
Every time I talk to someone it's sorry this and forgive me thatand I'm not worthy - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 00:07
Every time I talk to someone it's sorry this and...
What are you doing now I'm averting my eyes Oh LordDon't It's like those miserable psalms They're so depressingNow knock it off Yes Lord - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 00:11
What are you doing now I'm averting my eyes Oh...
Right Arthur King of the BritonsYour knights of the Round Table shall have a taskto make them an example in these dark timesGood idea Oh Lord Course it's a good idea - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 00:14
Right Arthur King of the BritonsYour knights of the Round...
- A blessing from the Lord. - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 00:06
- A blessing from the Lord.
Go and tell your master that we have been charged by Godwith a sacred quest If he will give us food and shelter for the nighthe can join us in our quest for the Holy GrailWell I'll ask him but I don't think he'll be very keenHe's already got one you - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 00:29
Go and tell your master that we have been charged by Godwith...
Can we come up and have a look Of course not You are English typesWell what are you then I'm FrenchWhy do you think I have this outrageous accent you silly kingWhat are you doing in England Mind your own business - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 00:18
Can we come up and have a look Of course not You are English...