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"Mortdecai" quotes

Mortdecai poster
Juggling angry Russians, the British Mi5, and an international terrorist, debonair art dealer and part-time rogue Charlie Mortdecai races to recover a stolen painting rumored to contain a code that leads to lost gold.

Director: David Koepp
Writer: Eric Aronson, Kyril Bonfiglioli
Production: N/A
Genre: action, adventure, comedy
Year: 2015
MetaScore: 27/100
ImdbRating: 5.5
BoxOffice: $7,696,134
Released: 23 Jan 2015
Awards: 1 win & 9 nominations

89 video clips

MartlandMortdecaiJockJohannaMauriceHotel ClerkSpinoza
That kissing a man without a moustache - Mortdecai 00:11 That kissing a man without a moustache Your mother and father only met once And money changed hands - Mortdecai 00:17 Your mother and father only met once And money changed hands The fact that you're as drunk as a fiddler's bitch - Mortdecai 00:29 The fact that you're as drunk as a fiddler's bitch Have you heard the expression Open your balls - Mortdecai 00:18 Have you heard the expression Open your balls I had no idea I was so deep in Her Majesty's hole - Mortdecai 00:10 I had no idea I was so deep in Her Majesty's hole I think this woman has need of a chiropractor - Mortdecai 00:25 I think this woman has need of a chiropractor Oh my darling I tried desperately to be unfaithful to you I really did - Mortdecai 00:27 Oh my darling I tried desperately to be unfaithful to you I... What is that infernal thing on your lip - Mortdecai 00:08 What is that infernal thing on your lip Of all sad words of tongue or pen - Mortdecai 00:15 Of all sad words of tongue or pen How I long for the rain and indifference of Europe - Mortdecai 00:06 How I long for the rain and indifference of Europe Jock Dear sweet sperm heavy Jock - Mortdecai 01:10 Jock Dear sweet sperm heavy Jock What's the matter with you - Mortdecai 00:16 What's the matter with you What should I do now Run sir - Mortdecai 00:07 What should I do now Run sir I should probably mention that this was not the first time I had shot Jock - Mortdecai 00:14 I should probably mention that this was not the first time I... Can you think of a good reason why I shouldn't arrest you right now - Mortdecai 00:10 Can you think of a good reason why I shouldn't arrest... Hello American - Mortdecai 00:24 Hello American Quite a conundrum this I shall need a moment to think this through I'm afraid - Mortdecai 00:14 Quite a conundrum this I shall need a moment to think this... You know remarkably this is not the first time I've shot Jock - Mortdecai You know remarkably this is not the first time I've... A beast... A beast... - Mortdecai 00:20 A beast... A beast... A bit of noise, sir! - Mortdecai 00:07 A bit of noise, sir! At least my focus at university wasn't plagiarism! - Mortdecai 00:28 At least my focus at university wasn't plagiarism! Better out than in. All right. - Mortdecai 00:28 Better out than in. All right. Bloody good show, Jock! - Mortdecai 00:30 Bloody good show, Jock! Can you think of a good reason why I shouldn't arrest you right now - Mortdecai 00:08 Can you think of a good reason why I shouldn't arrest... Foreigner! - Mortdecai 00:07 Foreigner! Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. - Mortdecai 00:26 Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Goodness, that's awkward. - Mortdecai 00:12 Goodness, that's awkward. Have you heard the expression Open your balls - Mortdecai 00:09 Have you heard the expression Open your balls Have me. - Mortdecai 00:13 Have me. Hello, American? - Mortdecai 00:26 Hello, American? - Hello, pookie. - Hello, darling. - Mortdecai 00:19 - Hello, pookie. - Hello, darling. Hello - Mortdecai 01:06 Hello Hi. - Mortdecai 00:15 Hi. Hold it. - Mortdecai 00:13 Hold it. How I long for the rain and indifference of Europe. - Mortdecai 00:09 How I long for the rain and indifference of Europe. How I long for the rain and indifference of Europe - Mortdecai 00:06 How I long for the rain and indifference of Europe I believe he still owes me a finger. - Mortdecai 00:06 I believe he still owes me a finger. I met a beast... - Mortdecai 00:17 I met a beast... I had no idea I was so deep in Her Majesty's hole - Mortdecai 00:06 I had no idea I was so deep in Her Majesty's hole I had the painting in my hand. Someone must have known I was coming. - Mortdecai 00:22 I had the painting in my hand. Someone must have known I was... I think this woman has need of a chiropractor - Mortdecai 00:25 I think this woman has need of a chiropractor I will have you two know that I had a firm grasp on things before you showed up. - Mortdecai 00:16 I will have you two know that I had a firm grasp on things b... I would like to humbly and unreservedly offer my deepest... - Mortdecai 00:18 I would like to humbly and unreservedly offer my deepest... I'll meet you inside, sir. - Mortdecai 00:13 I'll meet you inside, sir. I'm deeply, deeply flattered, young man. - Mortdecai 00:25 I'm deeply, deeply flattered, young man. Interested now? - Mortdecai 00:24 Interested now? It's like listening to bloody orangutans! - Mortdecai 00:08 It's like listening to bloody orangutans! It's very difficult for me as well, you know, - Mortdecai 00:10 It's very difficult for me as well, you know, Jock Come here - Mortdecai 02:19 Jock Come here Jock, please! - Mortdecai 00:11 Jock, please! Jock! - Mortdecai 00:12 Jock! Jockie! Advise? - Mortdecai 00:07 Jockie! Advise? Johanna, my darling. - Mortdecai 00:20 Johanna, my darling. Keep the Englishman busy. I create distraction. - Mortdecai 00:08 Keep the Englishman busy. I create distraction. Ladies and gentlemen, if you would please remain in your seats, I would be grateful. - Mortdecai 00:06 Ladies and gentlemen, if you would please remain in your sea... Lady Mortdecai, the Duke is expecting you. - Mortdecai 00:07 Lady Mortdecai, the Duke is expecting you. Lot Five. Smiling Woman in a Chair. - Mortdecai 00:06 Lot Five. Smiling Woman in a Chair. Lucky saddle. - Mortdecai 00:19 Lucky saddle. Miss Bronwen? Everything all right? - Mortdecai 00:06 Miss Bronwen? Everything all right? My first stop was to see Sir Graham Archer, - Mortdecai 00:19 My first stop was to see Sir Graham Archer, My, my, look at the time! - Mortdecai 00:09 My, my, look at the time! My Sheik - Mortdecai 00:43 My Sheik Never mind. I've found a cold Latour which we might enjoy... - Mortdecai 00:31 Never mind. I've found a cold Latour which we might enj... Nobody make a move. - Mortdecai 00:15 Nobody make a move. Of all sad words of tongue or pen - Mortdecai 00:08 Of all sad words of tongue or pen Oh my darling I tried desperately to be unfaithful to you I really did - Mortdecai 00:25 Oh my darling I tried desperately to be unfaithful to you I... Oh, dear. - Mortdecai 00:08 Oh, dear. Oh, it's burning... I... I can't go on... - Mortdecai 00:29 Oh, it's burning... I... I can't go on... - Oh, Jock! - Yeah. - Mortdecai 00:13 - Oh, Jock! - Yeah. Oh, Jock! - Mortdecai 00:10 Oh, Jock! Please don't be sick! Please don't be sick! - Mortdecai 00:24 Please don't be sick! Please don't be sick! Questionable attack, Jock. Spirited, though. - Mortdecai 00:07 Questionable attack, Jock. Spirited, though. Quite a conundrum this I shall need a moment to think this through I'm afraid - Mortdecai 00:11 Quite a conundrum this I shall need a moment to think this... Sold for 210,000 pounds. - Mortdecai 00:13 Sold for 210,000 pounds. Stealthy, man, stealthy. - Mortdecai 00:23 Stealthy, man, stealthy. That kissing a man without a moustache - Mortdecai 00:11 That kissing a man without a moustache The fact that you're as drunk as a fiddler's bitch - Mortdecai 00:24 The fact that you're as drunk as a fiddler's bitch The local authorities were displeased. - Mortdecai 00:28 The local authorities were displeased. - There's their car! - Where? - Mortdecai 00:15 - There's their car! - Where? Thirty-five thousand pounds... - Mortdecai 00:15 Thirty-five thousand pounds... - Well, I think our work here is done. - Time to go, sir. - Mortdecai 00:06 - Well, I think our work here is done. - Time to go, sir. Well then, Mr. Krampf. - Mortdecai 00:09 Well then, Mr. Krampf. What should I do now Run sir - Mortdecai 00:07 What should I do now Run sir What is that infernal thing on your lip? - Mortdecai 00:25 What is that infernal thing on your lip? What is that infernal thing on your lip - Mortdecai 00:04 What is that infernal thing on your lip Where is Mortdecai? - Mortdecai 00:07 Where is Mortdecai? Yes... Right. - Mortdecai 00:11 Yes... Right. I should probably mention that this was not the first time I had shot Jock - Mortdecai 00:05 I should probably mention that this was not the first time I... Your mother and father only met once And money changed hands - Mortdecai 00:15 Your mother and father only met once And money changed hands

Cast

Mortdecai - Johnny Depp
Johanna - Gwyneth Paltrow
Jock - Paul Bettany
Martland - Ewan McGregor
Georgina - Olivia Munn
All Cast