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But you have three days
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Nikki Glaser: Bangin'

But you have three days, and I've used them all before,and it's not 'cause I'm like, "Oh,...

But you have three days, and I've used them all before,
and it's not 'cause I'm like, "Oh, I'm lazy." It's 'cause I'm just waiting
till I need to get toilet paper, too

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.418
But you have three days,
00:00:02.501 --> 00:00:04.795
and I've used them all before, and it's not 'cause I'm like,
00:00:04.878 --> 00:00:06.046
"Oh, I'm lazy."
00:00:06.013 --> 00:00:08.632
It's 'cause I'm just waiting till I need to get toilet paper, too.
Duration
9 seconds
Views
19
Timestamp in Movie
00:30:32
Uploaded
Jun 13, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
Den of Thieves

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Movie Summary

Nikki Glaser bares all in a blistering stand-up special about sex, sobriety and getting over her own insecurities. And she won't spare you the details.
I'm like, "I'll kill two birds or three, twins run in my family. - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:04
I'm like, "I'll kill two birds or three, twin...
I don't really know how this thing works, but..." - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:10
I don't really know how this thing works, but..."
I'll always... I'll do it, especially if he pays. - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:04
I'll always... I'll do it, especially if he pays.
And I'm like, "Yeah, if you give me fifty bucks." - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:05
And I'm like, "Yeah, if you give me fifty bucks.&q...
[crowd laughing] - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:13
[crowd laughing]
Dude, I would abort your child so soon, like you don't even... - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:04
Dude, I would abort your child so soon, like you don't ...
Oh my God, huh." - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:12
Oh my God, huh."
It's going to be on the house for this lady." - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:08
It's going to be on the house for this lady."
[crowd laughs] - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:06
[crowd laughs]
Only in cases of tank tops with motivational words on them. - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:05
Only in cases of tank tops with motivational words on them.
"Oh, he raped you. Never mind, you have to keep it." - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:07
"Oh, he raped you. Never mind, you have to keep it.&quo...
[claps from the audience] - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:10
[claps from the audience]
I kept sleeping with guys I liked, 'cause I liked them, - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:10
I kept sleeping with guys I liked, 'cause I liked them,
I'm just tired of screenshotting conversations - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:11
I'm just tired of screenshotting conversations
None of these are delivered, we kind of think he blocked you, so..." - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:09
None of these are delivered, we kind of think he blocked you...
I was like, "Oh, I'll only have sex with guys - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:07
I was like, "Oh, I'll only have sex with guys
So, I pick a guy with like a necklace, right, like a dangly outer necklace. - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:07
So, I pick a guy with like a necklace, right, like a dangly ...
[crowd laughing] - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:05
[crowd laughing]
Girls, we've all slept with guys with necklaces, - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:10
Girls, we've all slept with guys with necklaces,
[crowd laughs] - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:05
[crowd laughs]