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Nikki Glaser: Bangin'

I wanted to say I had had sex,but I didn't want to experience it, and that's what would...

[crowd laughs] I wanted to say I had had sex,
but I didn't want to experience it, and that's what would be perfect.
I would just be like "I feel like getting fucked."
And so, I would just blackout drink, hone in on a guy and then like
kind of Cosby myself into this situation where

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.998
[crowd laughs]
00:00:03.294 --> 00:00:06.214
I wanted to say I had had sex, but I didn't want to experience it,
00:00:06.297 --> 00:00:08.675
and that's what would be perfect. I would just be like
00:00:08.758 --> 00:00:11.553
"I feel like getting fucked." And so, I would just blackout drink,
00:00:11.636 --> 00:00:14.514
hone in on a guy and then like kind of Cosby myself
00:00:14.597 --> 00:00:15.932
into this situation where...
Duration
16 seconds
Views
28
Timestamp in Movie
00:26:44
Uploaded
Jun 13, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
Den of Thieves

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Movie Summary

Nikki Glaser bares all in a blistering stand-up special about sex, sobriety and getting over her own insecurities. And she won't spare you the details.
I would be penetrated that night - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:07
I would be penetrated that night
Did I do anal or is that bronzer?" - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:06
Did I do anal or is that bronzer?"
Where you're like, "Did I have sex? I don't know. I should know that." - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:06
Where you're like, "Did I have sex? I don't k...
I'd be like, "Okay, I probably had sex." - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:07
I'd be like, "Okay, I probably had sex."
'Cause I don't like to go to bed with a soggy vag, - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:04
'Cause I don't like to go to bed with a soggy vag,
And so, I tuck and release, and I don't get yeast infections, girls. - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:05
And so, I tuck and release, and I don't get yeast infec...
Like, it's a good plan if you don't want to get a yeasty, - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:15
Like, it's a good plan if you don't want to get a ...
You leave behind a paper mache stalagmite on his duvet. - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:04
You leave behind a paper mache stalagmite on his duvet.
It's not a nice way to be remembered. - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:04
It's not a nice way to be remembered.
There are embarrassing moments like that, - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:11
There are embarrassing moments like that,
And sometimes when I'm sober, I got with a guy and I'm like, - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:08
And sometimes when I'm sober, I got with a guy and I�...
Just to be like, "Maybe I'll make some mistakes and..." - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:12
Just to be like, "Maybe I'll make some mistakes an...
Your body, as a woman, when there's a penis in you, - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:10
Your body, as a woman, when there's a penis in you,
Wait for him. He's going to provide for you." - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:10
Wait for him. He's going to provide for you."
Like, that's the best I can give you, body." - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:06
Like, that's the best I can give you, body."
It was double scary. It was in a haunted house and I... - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:04
It was double scary. It was in a haunted house and I...
A woman like jumped out in a bloody sheet and I was like, - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:10
A woman like jumped out in a bloody sheet and I was like,
When you use the pull-out method, - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:07
When you use the pull-out method,
No, the morning after pill, - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:05
No, the morning after pill,
They need to change the name, - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:10
They need to change the name,