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The best hook up scenario I can imagine
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Nikki Glaser: Bangin'

The best hook up scenario I can imagine, and I think you guys will like this, too,is that...

The best hook up scenario I can imagine, and I think you guys will like this, too,
is that I get fingered to completion, and then I get out of the Uber

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.794
The best hook up scenario I can imagine,
00:00:02.877 --> 00:00:05.088
and I think you guys will like this, too, is that I get fingered to completion,
00:00:06.999 --> 00:00:09.467
and then I get out of the Uber.
Duration
9 seconds
Views
27
Timestamp in Movie
00:51:27
Uploaded
Jun 13, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
Den of Thieves

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Movie Summary

Nikki Glaser bares all in a blistering stand-up special about sex, sobriety and getting over her own insecurities. And she won't spare you the details.
I'll throw a tip on there - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:05
I'll throw a tip on there
I would love that to be a part of the Uber app, Uber finger. - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:04
I would love that to be a part of the Uber app, Uber finger.
It just... It's like you pay more, you pay double, - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:06
It just... It's like you pay more, you pay double,
So, there's a guy in the back seat, it's not even a guy, it's maybe a girl. - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:04
So, there's a guy in the back seat, it's not even ...
It's a tie-in with Sony for a promotional stunt. I don't know.... - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:05
It's a tie-in with Sony for a promotional stunt. I don&...
It has to be a two-man op, you're going to pay extra - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:06
It has to be a two-man op, you're going to pay extra
As soon as there are self-fingering cars, I mean, you'll never hear from me again. - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:05
As soon as there are self-fingering cars, I mean, you'l...
[crowd laughing] - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:09
[crowd laughing]
And I bristle at even saying this word, but I need more foreplay. - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:04
And I bristle at even saying this word, but I need more fore...
And I hate saying that, I never wanted to be a female comic - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:23
And I hate saying that, I never wanted to be a female comic
And then the girls would be like, "Tee-he, we relate." - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:13
And then the girls would be like, "Tee-he, we relate.&q...
I should just be happy this guy wants to stick his dick in my ugly head." - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:06
I should just be happy this guy wants to stick his dick in m...
I was like, "I'm never gonna complain about foreplay." - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:15
I was like, "I'm never gonna complain about forepl...
I have been fingered when I'm dry so many times this year, - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:07
I have been fingered when I'm dry so many times this ye...
You should not ever finger a dry vagina. Ever! - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:04
You should not ever finger a dry vagina. Ever!
When you get fingered, when you're dry, as a woman, it's the same as if we took - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:11
When you get fingered, when you're dry, as a woman, it&...
I don't even look at a limp dick. Like, I wouldn't touch one. - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:06
I don't even look at a limp dick. Like, I wouldn't...
So, I'm like, "I won't look at it until he's ready for me to see it, - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:06
So, I'm like, "I won't look at it until he�...
I treat it like your wedding dress. I'm just like, "I'll let him show it to me - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:13
I treat it like your wedding dress. I'm just like, &quo...
But if I could, oh, I'd do this, and I'd stretch it. - Nikki Glaser: Bangin' 00:04
But if I could, oh, I'd do this, and I'd stretch i...