It doesn't matter, mum. Neither do I

[Spoilers] Nitram:
Why didn't you cry? Mum:
What? Nitram:
When the police found him, you didn't cry. How come? Mum:
Just because I don't cry doesn't mean I'm not hurting. Mum:
What about you. Why didn't you cry? Mum:
Do you even miss him? Nitram:
No. Mum:
He really loved you. Nitram:
Not enough to stick around, though. Mum:
Yeah, he was so unwell. Nitram:
So? Nitram:
Everyone else feels shitty all the time, walks around feeling fucking sad. Why couldn't he? Mum:
I don't know Nitram:
If anyone should have walked into that dam, it was me. I'm the one no-one listens to. I'm the retard. Mum:
Oh, don't say that. Nitram:
You and dad would always argue about it, wouldn't you? Mum:
No, we didn't. Nitram:
Slow means the same thing, mum. You're not different than all them kids who call me Nitram at school. Mum:
Well... that's not true. I'm your mother. Nitram:
No. Mum:
Yes, I gave birth to you. Nitram:
Sometimes I watch myself. But I don't know who- who it is that I'm looking at. Like... I can't get to him. If I could- I could just change him so that he was like Everyone else, but I don't know how. So instead, I'm- I'm here. Stuck here... like this. Eating this shit. Talking to you all because I'm not a coward like him. Mum:
I really- I don't- understand what you're... talking about. Nitram:
It doesn't matter, mum. Neither do I