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On the Count of Three

Jerrod Carmichael makes his directorial debut and stars in On the Count of Three, a darkly comic feature about two best friends, Val (Carmichael) and Kevin (Christopher Abbott), on the last day of their lives.

Director

Jerrod Carmichael

Year

Genre

Box Office

$54,515

Production

Valparaiso Pictures,Werner Entertainment,Morningside Entertainment

Awards

1 win & 2 nominations

Homepage

https://annapurna.pictures/film/on-the-count-of-three/

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Val

Jerrod Carmichael

Kevin

Christopher Abbott

Natasha

Tiffany Haddish

Donny

Lavell Crawford

Lyndell

Dr. Brenner

Brian

Leah

Todd

Lori

Wyatt

Jared Abrahamson

Andre

Beth

Sydney Van Delft

Janitor

Dennis

Eddie

Mr. Ritchie

Nurse

Sharon Forrester

Police Officer

Jimmy

Addison

Girl Motocross Employee

Young Kevin

Gryffin Hanvelt

Meth Head Woman

Security Guard

Richard Anderson

Police Officer

Gun Range Expert

Psychiatric Care Patient

Police Officer

Eric Peter Larson

Mental Health Worker

Police Officer

Police Officer

View All Cast

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Explore 260 Clips

Kevin Val Kevin Val Kevin Val

I mean, like, once he goes, we go. - On the Count of Three

I mean, like, once he goes, we go.

[music playing faintly]
[woman humming along] - On the Count of Three

[music playing faintly] [woman humming along]

[door closes] - On the Count of Three

Oh. You couldn't have come
to a better place. [laughs] - On the Count of Three

Oh. You couldn't have come to a better place. [laughs]

A-Actually, my friend was
an old patient of Dr. Brenner's - On the Count of Three

A-Actually, my friend was an old patient of Dr. Brenner'...

Oh. Well, that is fun. - On the Count of Three

Oh. Well, that is fun.

I'm sure he'd love to see
an old patient of his all grown up. - On the Count of Three

I'm sure he'd love to see an old patient of his al...

Really appreciate this.
[woman chuckles] - On the Count of Three

Really appreciate this. [woman chuckles]

[exhales heavily] - On the Count of Three

[exhales heavily]

I'm-a be real pissed off
if they lump us up - On the Count of Three

I'm-a be real pissed off if they lump us up

Yeah, but you know the fucking media, - On the Count of Three

Yeah, but you know the fucking media,

But it's not-not even that they're corny - On the Count of Three

But it's not-not even that they're corny

It's the fact that they take
innocent lives for no reason - On the Count of Three

It's the fact that they take innocent lives for no reas...

This isn't for attention. This is someone - On the Count of Three

This isn't for attention. This is someone

Remember when we were kids and,
like, I'd be in a dark place - On the Count of Three

Remember when we were kids and, like, I'd be in a dark ...

[Val exhales heavily] - On the Count of Three

[Val exhales heavily]

[groans] - On the Count of Three

Dr. Brenner's noon patient canceled, - On the Count of Three

Dr. Brenner's noon patient canceled,

Oh, yeah, I can check his schedule. - On the Count of Three

Oh, yeah, I can check his schedule.

Looks like his next appointment
isn't until 6:00. - On the Count of Three

Looks like his next appointment isn't until 6:00.

About 15 minutes before his appointments, - On the Count of Three

About 15 minutes before his appointments,

You point, you fire
at the thing you want dead. - On the Count of Three

You point, you fire at the thing you want dead.

Goddamn. [laughing] - On the Count of Three

Goddamn. [laughing]

Yo, fuck Zoloft.
[Val laughing] - On the Count of Three

Yo, fuck Zoloft. [Val laughing]

Why isn't America
the happiest place on Earth - On the Count of Three

Why isn't America the happiest place on Earth

- Yeah, boy.
- You didn't hit it once. - On the Count of Three

- Yeah, boy. - You didn't hit it once.

- No, look. See? I did hit it.
- That don't count. - On the Count of Three

- No, look. See? I did hit it. - That don't count.

That's the goddamn...
[phone vibrating] - On the Count of Three

That's the goddamn... [phone vibrating]

[vibrating stops] - On the Count of Three

[vibrating stops]

AUTOMATED VOICE: [over speaker]
One new voice message. - On the Count of Three

AUTOMATED VOICE: [over speaker] One new voice message.

[gasps] - On the Count of Three

I saw that ring on display at
the jewelry store the other day. - On the Count of Three

I saw that ring on display at the jewelry store the other da...

Just knew it was gonna be the thing - On the Count of Three

Just knew it was gonna be the thing

Made dinner reservations,
got her flowers, - On the Count of Three

Made dinner reservations, got her flowers,

But then Oh - On the Count of Three

[zips bag] - On the Count of Three

I come home from work, my girl's there, - On the Count of Three

I come home from work, my girl's there,

I got nothing new or interesting to say, - On the Count of Three

I got nothing new or interesting to say,

You can't just disappear
on someone like that - On the Count of Three

You can't just disappear on someone like that

Look her in the eye and tell her I think - On the Count of Three

Look her in the eye and tell her I think

Yeah, or maybe you're just depressed. - On the Count of Three

Yeah, or maybe you're just depressed.

Maybe you haven't gotten help for yourself - On the Count of Three

Maybe you haven't gotten help for yourself

You've had a rough, abusive childhood, - On the Count of Three

You've had a rough, abusive childhood,

You know, you weren't allowed to
have any mental health issues, - On the Count of Three

You know, you weren't allowed to have any mental health...

Can you stop... A, stop yelling at me, - On the Count of Three

Can you stop... A, stop yelling at me,

[imitating dirt bike revving] - On the Count of Three

[imitating dirt bike revving]

[imitating dirt bike revving] - On the Count of Three

[imitating dirt bike revving]

[continues imitating dirt bike] - On the Count of Three

[continues imitating dirt bike]

- Yeah, and all of them terrible.
- No, that's not true. - On the Count of Three

- Yeah, and all of them terrible. - No, that's not true...

Remember on slow days,
we used to log on the computer - On the Count of Three

Remember on slow days, we used to log on the computer

From the bottom of my heart, - On the Count of Three

From the bottom of my heart,

I call you faggot out of love. Huh? - On the Count of Three

I call you faggot out of love. Huh?

You the one giving the word all the power, - On the Count of Three

You the one giving the word all the power,

Look, he-he...
he don't understand the nuances. - On the Count of Three

Look, he-he... he don't understand the nuances.

You come to beat his ass?
[imitating dirt bike revving] - On the Count of Three

You come to beat his ass? [imitating dirt bike revving]

Two! Pussy!
- Hey! Don't call me a pussy, - On the Count of Three

Two! Pussy! - Hey! Don't call me a pussy,

[panting] - On the Count of Three

[electronic entry bell chimes]
[music playing over speakers] - On the Count of Three

[electronic entry bell chimes] [music playing over speakers]

We just need some of that
medical stuff that you got - On the Count of Three

We just need some of that medical stuff that you got

I got to switch over this register, - On the Count of Three

I got to switch over this register,

So if you could just chill the fuck out, - On the Count of Three

So if you could just chill the fuck out,

Now I got to start over. All right? - On the Count of Three

Now I got to start over. All right?

Fucking ramen-noodle-headed
motherfucker. - On the Count of Three

Fucking ramen-noodle-headed motherfucker.

And some ointment, too, Neosporin, - On the Count of Three

And some ointment, too, Neosporin,

VAL: Come on, nigga!
- When a customer is talking, - On the Count of Three

VAL: Come on, nigga! - When a customer is talking,

Let's go. [panting]
[grunts] - On the Count of Three

Let's go. [panting] [grunts]

Read your Constitution Shit Shit - On the Count of Three

Read your Constitution Shit Shit

[tires screeching] - On the Count of Three

[tires screeching]

I just... I'm... just surprised. - On the Count of Three

I just... I'm... just surprised.

To forgive is to set a prisoner free - On the Count of Three

To forgive is to set a prisoner free

[door opens] - On the Count of Three

[whooshing stops]
[tool clanks] - On the Count of Three

[whooshing stops] [tool clanks]

[laughs] - On the Count of Three

Sad little white boy
riding around on that dirt bike - On the Count of Three

Sad little white boy riding around on that dirt bike

[R&B music playing quietly
over speakers] - On the Count of Three

[R&B music playing quietly over speakers]

How about that mean son of a bitch
who's always bruising her? - On the Count of Three

How about that mean son of a bitch who's always bruisin...

You know, been a long time - On the Count of Three

You know, been a long time

Yeah, about since when
you stole $2,300 from me. - On the Count of Three

Yeah, about since when you stole $2,300 from me.

See, uh, back then, I was a mess. - On the Count of Three

See, uh, back then, I was a mess.

I'm cleaner than angel pubic hair. - On the Count of Three

I'm cleaner than angel pubic hair.

Yeah, getting myself back together. - On the Count of Three

Yeah, getting myself back together.

How about I take you boys
over to Five Guys - On the Count of Three

How about I take you boys over to Five Guys

Come on, Val. I don't walk around - On the Count of Three

Come on, Val. I don't walk around

[chuckling softly] - On the Count of Three

[chuckling softly]

Whew. Wow. - On the Count of Three

Didn't I just tell you that
I ain't got your fucking money? - On the Count of Three

Didn't I just tell you that I ain't got your fucki...

You and dirt bike boy
should get the fuck out of here. - On the Count of Three

You and dirt bike boy should get the fuck out of here.

Could've had a nice Double-Double, - On the Count of Three

Could've had a nice Double-Double,

Getting me a little pissed, boy.
[music begins] - On the Count of Three

Getting me a little pissed, boy. [music begins]

♪ Gimme that fish... ♪ - On the Count of Three

♪ Gimme that fish... ♪

On the Count of Three poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Jerrod Carmichael makes his directorial debut and stars in On the Count of Three, a darkly comic feature about two best friends, Val (Carmichael) and Kevin (Christopher Abbott), on the last day of their lives.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Jerrod Carmichael

Writer: Ari Katcher, Ryan Welch

Production: Valparaiso Pictures,Werner Entertainment,Morningside Entertainment

Genre: comedy, drama

Year: 2021

MetaScore: 74/100

ImdbRating: 7.0

BoxOffice: $54,515

Released: 13 May 2022

Awards: 1 win & 2 nominations

Homepage: https://annapurna.pictures/film/on-the-count-of-three/

Also watch: How It Ends, Dirty Pretty Things, Jungle Fever, We're All Going to the World's Fair, John and the Hole, Cinderella, The Novice, In the Earth, Billie Eilish: The World's a Little Blurry, Vengeance, Pleasure, CODA, Marcel the Shell with Shoes On, Pig, The Worst Person in the World, Basic Instinct, Carrie