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On the Count of Three

Val has reached a place where he feels the only way out is to end things. But he considers himself a bit of a failure—his effectiveness lacking—so he figures he could use some help. As luck would have it, Val’s best friend, Kevin, is recovering from a failed suicide attempt, so he seems like the perfect partner for executing this double suicide plan. But before they go, they have some unfinished business to attend to.

Director

Jerrod Carmichael

Year

Genre

Comedy, Crime, Drama

Box Office

$54,515

Production

N/A

Awards

1 win & 8 nominations

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Kevin Val Kevin Val Kevin Val

Do you know that I have been
going to doctors - On the Count of Three

Do you know that I have been going to doctors

And if any of you knew
how to help me by now, - On the Count of Three

And if any of you knew how to help me by now,

And why... why the fuck are you guys - On the Count of Three

And why... why the fuck are you guys

'Cause if you lived in my head
for one minute, - On the Count of Three

'Cause if you lived in my head for one minute,

♪ I got rice cooking in the microwave ♪ - On the Count of Three

♪ I got rice cooking in the microwave ♪

[coughs] - On the Count of Three

Uh, they're really trying
to crack the whip - On the Count of Three

Uh, they're really trying to crack the whip

Used them up already, huh? [chuckles] - On the Count of Three

Used them up already, huh? [chuckles]

What I find works for me is - On the Count of Three

What I find works for me is

That way, if something unforeseen comes up - On the Count of Three

That way, if something unforeseen comes up

Again, just 'cause they're
really cracking the whip - On the Count of Three

Again, just 'cause they're really cracking the whi...

[knock on door] - On the Count of Three

[knock on door]

[shells cracking] - On the Count of Three

[shells cracking]

That's why, starting next week, - On the Count of Three

That's why, starting next week,

You'll be overseeing the mulch. - On the Count of Three

You'll be overseeing the mulch.

[chuckles softly] - On the Count of Three

[chuckles softly]

And he does have a good solid - On the Count of Three

And he does have a good solid

A couple years,
at the rate you're growing... - On the Count of Three

A couple years, at the rate you're growing...

Like I said, you got
some kind of shine to you. - On the Count of Three

Like I said, you got some kind of shine to you.

[breathes deeply] - On the Count of Three

[breathes deeply]

[belt creaking]
[grunting] - On the Count of Three

[belt creaking] [grunting]

TODD: ♪ I got rice cooking
in the microwave ♪ - On the Count of Three

TODD: ♪ I got rice cooking in the microwave ♪

Thought that was you.
[toilet flushes] - On the Count of Three

Thought that was you. [toilet flushes]

We got to get you out of here.
- No, I can't leave. - On the Count of Three

We got to get you out of here. - No, I can't leave.

They're not gonna clear me
for at least... I don't know. - On the Count of Three

They're not gonna clear me for at least... I don't...

- What?
- When you're a kid, - On the Count of Three

- What? - When you're a kid,

No better feeling in the world - On the Count of Three

No better feeling in the world

The-the fire alarm goes off, - On the Count of Three

The-the fire alarm goes off,

Stop. Put that shit out.
[door thumps] - On the Count of Three

Stop. Put that shit out. [door thumps]

[beep]
[muttering angrily] - On the Count of Three

[beep] [muttering angrily]

If a guest can't follow
the rules of the facility, - On the Count of Three

If a guest can't follow the rules of the facility,

All right, so what are we gonna do? - On the Count of Three

All right, so what are we gonna do?

[bag unzipping] - On the Count of Three

[bag unzipping]

What's going on?
[engine stops] - On the Count of Three

What's going on? [engine stops]

Did you want to die, or was it
just some cry for attention? - On the Count of Three

Did you want to die, or was it just some cry for attention?

Y... Don't question... [stammers] - On the Count of Three

Y... Don't question... [stammers]

I think you and I should
kill ourselves, Kevin. - On the Count of Three

I think you and I should kill ourselves, Kevin.

And a strip club happens to be a place - On the Count of Three

And a strip club happens to be a place

What... Jesus Christ. - On the Count of Three

What... Jesus Christ.

I mean, I-I get that
y-you've been in, like, - On the Count of Three

I mean, I-I get that y-you've been in, like,

Well, we are in two
very different situations, okay? - On the Count of Three

Well, we are in two very different situations, okay?

I've tried CBT, DBT, ECT, - On the Count of Three

I've tried CBT, DBT, ECT,

I have earned the right to say
that there's no other way out. - On the Count of Three

I have earned the right to say that there's no other wa...

The other night,
I got a phone call that said - On the Count of Three

The other night, I got a phone call that said

No, no, I mean
it made perfect sense to me. - On the Count of Three

No, no, I mean it made perfect sense to me.

I have those thoughts - On the Count of Three

I have those thoughts

You tried it, Kevin,
and you ended up in a hospital - On the Count of Three

You tried it, Kevin, and you ended up in a hospital

One.
- One. Sorry. - On the Count of Three

One. - One. Sorry.

Look I think I I need - On the Count of Three

Look I think I I need

God, you have to admit, this is a lot - On the Count of Three

God, you have to admit, this is a lot

I'm sorry, I didn't know
I had to send a "save the date" - On the Count of Three

I'm sorry, I didn't know I had to send a "sav...

Just... end of the day. - On the Count of Three

Just... end of the day.

Wouldn't want to have a gun accident - On the Count of Three

Wouldn't want to have a gun accident

♪ Cut my life into pieces ♪ - On the Count of Three

♪ Cut my life into pieces ♪

♪ Cut my life into... ♪
[music stops] - On the Count of Three

♪ Cut my life into... ♪ [music stops]

You can't listen to music that exactly describes - On the Count of Three

You can't listen to music that exactly describes

["Drops of Jupiter" by Train
playing quietly over speakers] - On the Count of Three

["Drops of Jupiter" by Train playing quietly over ...

♪ She acts like summer
and walks like rain ♪ - On the Count of Three

♪ She acts like summer and walks like rain ♪

If I had any ideas,
I wouldn't have asked you - On the Count of Three

If I had any ideas, I wouldn't have asked you

We're playing with house money here, - On the Count of Three

We're playing with house money here,

You can... you can
reconcile with your dad. - On the Count of Three

You can... you can reconcile with your dad.

Forgive him for beating
the hell out of you and your mom - On the Count of Three

Forgive him for beating the hell out of you and your mom

♪ Now that she's back
from that soul vacation ♪ - On the Count of Three

♪ Now that she's back from that soul vacation ♪

Holy shit! It's been so long.
- Mm. - On the Count of Three

Holy shit! It's been so long. - Mm.

I mean, don't get me wrong, - On the Count of Three

I mean, don't get me wrong,

Hey, you got to meet my wife, Leah. - On the Count of Three

Hey, you got to meet my wife, Leah.

[Leah chuckles]
- So crazy - On the Count of Three

[Leah chuckles] - So crazy

This is the one that me and the boys - On the Count of Three

This is the one that me and the boys

So did he really hit you with his car?
[chuckles] - On the Count of Three

So did he really hit you with his car? [chuckles]

We weren't going that fast.
[Leah chuckles] - On the Count of Three

We weren't going that fast. [Leah chuckles]

He'd get all red in the face, - On the Count of Three

He'd get all red in the face,

[Leah laughs] - On the Count of Three

Fuck's the point of asking for a last day - On the Count of Three

Fuck's the point of asking for a last day

Fucking... fucking asshole. - On the Count of Three

Fucking... fucking asshole.

You stupid fuck! You stupid fuck! - On the Count of Three

You stupid fuck! You stupid fuck!

Big fucking deal. Thank you.
[keys clink] - On the Count of Three

Big fucking deal. Thank you. [keys clink]

- Huh?
- I know it's real fucked-up - On the Count of Three

- Huh? - I know it's real fucked-up

Like you said,
there's no point in a last day - On the Count of Three

Like you said, there's no point in a last day

We're not gonna see tomorrow,
which means today we get to do - On the Count of Three

We're not gonna see tomorrow, which means today we get ...

So let's use that opportunity
to do some good. - On the Count of Three

So let's use that opportunity to do some good.

Make sure he never
hurts another kid again. - On the Count of Three

Make sure he never hurts another kid again.

Homicide's a real fucked up gift Kevin - On the Count of Three

Homicide's a real fucked up gift Kevin

It's hard not to feel like a hypocrite - On the Count of Three

It's hard not to feel like a hypocrite

It's like your sad-looking eyes
got purpose all of a sudden. - On the Count of Three

It's like your sad-looking eyes got purpose all of a su...

They give insecure men the illusion of power - On the Count of Three

They give insecure men the illusion of power

[exhales] - On the Count of Three

VAL:
Hey, nigga, you even got a plan, - On the Count of Three

VAL: Hey, nigga, you even got a plan,

VAL Hey nigga you even got a plan - On the Count of Three

VAL Hey nigga you even got a plan

The-the hardest part
about killing someone - On the Count of Three

The-the hardest part about killing someone

I'm just saying, you ain't seen - On the Count of Three

I'm just saying, you ain't seen

On the Count of Three poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Val has reached a place where he feels the only way out is to end things. But he considers himself a bit of a failure—his effectiveness lacking—so he figures he could use some help. As luck would have it, Val’s best friend, Kevin, is recovering from a failed suicide attempt, so he seems like the perfect partner for executing this double suicide plan. But before they go, they have some unfinished business to attend to.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Jerrod Carmichael

Writer: Ari Katcher, Ryan Welch

Production: N/A

Genre: Comedy, Crime, Drama

Year: 2022

MetaScore: 74/100

ImdbRating: 7.0

BoxOffice: $54,515

Released: 13 May 2022

Awards: 1 win & 8 nominations

Homepage:

Also watch: How It Ends, Dirty Pretty Things, Jungle Fever, We're All Going to the World's Fair, John and the Hole, Cinderella, The Novice, In the Earth, Billie Eilish: The World's a Little Blurry, Vengeance, Pleasure, CODA, Marcel the Shell with Shoes On, Pig, The Worst Person in the World, Basic Instinct, Carrie