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Hey JoeTell these guys the story about um the pussy being insured What is itTell these guys how you stumbled on this whole thing with the jewelsOh Come on Tell them the storyThe pussy insurance The

Once Upon a Time in America

Life is funnier than shit. But... be easy with the girl. I mean that. Be easy with the...

Once Upon a Time in America • 1984

Frankie Minaldi:Hey, Joe, Tell these guys the story about the pussy being insured. What is it? Tell these guys how you stumbled on this whole thing. Tell them the story. Come on. Pussy insurance, the insurance pussies. Tell them that story.Joe Minaldi:Life is stranger than shit, that's all. It's a pisser. No big story. I got this insurance agent, this Jew kid named David. He conned me into every policy in the world. Every policy, name it, dogs, house, wife, life, anything. I'm drinking with the boys one night. He comes in with his wife, a brunette with a nice ass who works for a jeweller. And he's still on the hustle, this guy. So I wink at the guys, I say, "Look... the most serious policy, you don't have me covered for." He goes, "What's that, Joe?" "Cock insurance. You make me a policy that when it don't work, I get a payment. I'll write out a check now." He thinks, and he says, "I don't know if the actuality gauges govern this... but we can make a policy. But you gotta guarantee you're in good health now." I says, "Look, leave her with me. Come back and see if it stands up. If it stands up, you know I'm in good health." The jerk leaves her. I screw her. Not only that, she likes it. And she tells me when her boss, the jeweller is shipping stones to Holland, where he keeps his stash - in a drawer in the safe - everything! Can't ask for more, right? Except, one better. I never paid the first premium on the new cock policy.Max: Cock insurance...Joe Minaldi:Life is funnier than shit. But... be easy with the girl. I mean that. Be easy with the girl

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.709

Hey Joe

00:00:03.628 --> 00:00:09.674

Tell these guys the story about um the pussy being insured What is it

00:00:12.999 --> 00:00:15.221

Tell these guys how you stumbled on this whole thing with the jewels

00:00:15.389 --> 00:00:17.682

Oh Come on Tell them the story

00:00:17.085 --> 00:00:21.645

The pussy insurance The insurance pussies What is it Tell them that story

00:00:21.812 --> 00:00:27.692

Life is stranger than shit that's all It's a pisser No big story

00:00:27.086 --> 00:00:31.363

I got this insurance agent this Jew kid named David

00:00:31.053 --> 00:00:36.201

This kid conned me into every policy in the world Every policy name it

00:00:36.369 --> 00:00:40.163

Dogs house wife life anything

00:00:40.331 --> 00:00:44.209

I'm drinking with the boys one night he comes in with his wife

00:00:44.377 --> 00:00:47.712

a pretty brunette with a nice ass who works for a jeweler

00:00:47.088 --> 00:00:50.715

And he's still on the hustle this guy

00:00:51.884 --> 00:00:54.636

So I wink at the guys I say Look

00:00:56.347 --> 00:01:00.006

the most serious policy that should be you don't have me covered for

00:01:00.768 --> 00:01:03.603

He goes What's that Joe Cock insurance

00:01:05.006 --> 00:01:09.693

You make me a policy that when it don't work I get a payment

00:01:09.086 --> 00:01:12.006

I'll write out a check now

00:01:14.999 --> 00:01:19.953

He thinks he says Oh I don't know if the actuality gauges govern this

00:01:20.001 --> 00:01:22.288

but we can make a policy

00:01:22.456 --> 00:01:25.709

But you gotta guarantee you're in good health now

00:01:25.876 --> 00:01:30.999

Oh that's simple Look leave her with me Come back and see if it stands up

00:01:30.756 --> 00:01:33.717

If it stands up then you know I'm in good health to begin with

00:01:33.884 --> 00:01:36.136

The jerk leaves her I screw her

00:01:36.303 --> 00:01:41.001

Not only that she likes it And she tells me she blabs when her boss the jeweler

00:01:41.434 --> 00:01:43.476

is shipping stones to Holland

00:01:43.001 --> 00:01:47.999

where he keeps his stash in a little drawer in the safe Everything in the world

00:01:48.107 --> 00:01:51.443

Can't ask for more right Except one better

00:01:51.061 --> 00:01:55.078

I never paid the first premium on the new cock policy

00:02:09.999 --> 00:02:10.999

Cock insurance

00:02:16.999 --> 00:02:20.001

Life is funnier than shit

00:02:21.999 --> 00:02:22.999

But

00:02:26.001 --> 00:02:28.999

be easy with the girl

00:02:32.001 --> 00:02:34.999

I mean that Be easy with the girl

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:01.935

جو

00:00:04.014 --> 00:00:05.991

أخبر الرجال قصة

00:00:07.966 --> 00:00:09.941

العضو المؤمن عليه ماهي

00:00:10.044 --> 00:00:10.098

مؤم ن

00:00:11.916 --> 00:00:13.891

أخبرهم كيف عرفت هذه القصة

00:00:14.093 --> 00:00:16.905

لا لا لا أخبرهم القصة

00:00:17.003 --> 00:00:17.946

هيا

00:00:17.946 --> 00:00:19.092

التأمين على العضو العضو المؤمن عليه

00:00:19.092 --> 00:00:20.096

أخبرهم القصة

00:00:21.895 --> 00:00:23.087

الحياة غريبة هذا كل ما في الأمر

00:00:24.091 --> 00:00:26.884

ليست قصة مهمة

00:00:28.524 --> 00:00:31.436

هناك سمسار تأمين فتى يهودي يدعى دافيد

00:00:31.539 --> 00:00:34.045

جعلني أشتري كل بوالص العالم

00:00:34.554 --> 00:00:39.439

كل البوالص من كل الأنواع الكلاب المنزل الزوجة الحياة كل شيء

00:00:40.478 --> 00:00:44.043

كنت أحتسي الشراب مع الرجال ذات ليلة ودخل مع زوجته

00:00:44.534 --> 00:00:47.444

سمراء ذات مؤخرة جميلة تعمل لدى صائغ

00:00:48.544 --> 00:00:51.558

أراد الرجل المزيد من المال

00:00:53.534 --> 00:00:55.509

لذا غمزت الرجال وقلت اسمع

00:00:57.588 --> 00:01:00.498

أثمن بوليصة

00:01:00.602 --> 00:01:02.578

لم تبعني إياها

00:01:02.578 --> 00:01:05.488

قال ما هي يا جو تأمين على العضو الذكري

00:01:06.527 --> 00:01:09.542

أريد بوليصة تكفل بأنه عندما لا يعمل سأحصل على المال

00:01:09.542 --> 00:01:12.452

وسأحرر لك شيكا الآن

00:01:15.468 --> 00:01:20.458

فكر وقال لا أعرف إن كان التأمين يغطي هذا

00:01:20.458 --> 00:01:23.473

لكن يمكننا أن نضع بوليصة

00:01:23.473 --> 00:01:25.447

لكن عليك أن تثبت أن

00:01:25.447 --> 00:01:26.384

صحتك جيدة الآن

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قلت اسمع دعها معي

00:01:30.001 --> 00:01:33.999

ع د لترى ماذا سيحدث إن إنتصب عضوي

00:01:33.999 --> 00:01:35.322

ستعرف أنني بصحة جيدة

00:01:35.425 --> 00:01:39.378

تركني المغفل معها فضاجعتها ليس هذا وحسب بل أعجبها ذلك

00:01:39.378 --> 00:01:42.001

وأخبرتني أن رئيسها الصائغ

00:01:42.001 --> 00:01:44.367

سيشحن الماس إلى هولندا

00:01:44.367 --> 00:01:46.446

حيث يضع ماله

00:01:46.446 --> 00:01:49.999

في درج في الخزنة كل شيء

00:01:49.999 --> 00:01:52.371

لا يمكن أن نطلب المزيد صحيح لكن هنالك ما هو أفضل بعد

00:01:53.041 --> 00:01:56.321

لم أدفع قط القسط الأول من التأمين على العضو الذكري

00:02:10.025 --> 00:02:12.999

التأمين على العضو الذكري

00:02:18.256 --> 00:02:21.166

الحياة مضحكة

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ولكن

00:02:27.196 --> 00:02:29.274

كونوا رقيقين مع الفتاة

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أعني ذلك كونوا رقيقين مع الفتاة

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.004

Joe

00:00:03.005 --> 00:00:09.006

raconte leur l'histoire du type qui assure les culs C'est ça

00:00:12.000 --> 00:00:15.004

Dis leur comment tu es tombé sur cette affaire

00:00:15.005 --> 00:00:17.006

Raconte leur Allez

00:00:17.008 --> 00:00:21.005

Une assurance de quoi Raconte l'histoire

00:00:21.007 --> 00:00:27.006

La vie c'est une merde bizarre C'est une blague de rien

00:00:27.008 --> 00:00:31.003

Y a un assureur un petit juif qui s'appelle David

00:00:31.005 --> 00:00:36.001

Il m'a fourgué toutes les assurances qui existent au monde

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chien maison femme vie tout le lot

00:00:40.002 --> 00:00:44.001

Un soir je bois avec des potes et il vient avec sa femme

00:00:44.003 --> 00:00:47.007

une brune au cul de rêve qui bosse chez un joaillier

00:00:47.009 --> 00:00:50.007

Lui il pense qu'à placer ses polices

00:00:51.008 --> 00:00:54.003

alors moi je lui dis

00:00:56.002 --> 00:01:00.006

Y a un risque qui est plus important que tous et je suis pas couvert

00:01:00.008 --> 00:01:04.008

Lequel Joe il me dit Le risque bite

00:01:04.001 --> 00:01:09.999

Assure moi pour le cas où elle flancherait Et là tu m'indemnises

00:01:09.008 --> 00:01:11.001

Je te fais un chèque

00:01:14.003 --> 00:01:19.001

II dit Je sais pas si les clauses d'actualisation couvrent ce cas

00:01:20.994 --> 00:01:22.002

mais je vais t'établir une police

00:01:22.001 --> 00:01:25.999

si tu me garantis que t'es en bonne santé

00:01:25.008 --> 00:01:30.005

Facile je dis laisse ta femme avec moi et reviens voir si ça marche

00:01:30.007 --> 00:01:33.999

Si je trique c'est que je suis en bonne santé

00:01:33.008 --> 00:01:36.994

Ce con sort Je la saute

00:01:36.003 --> 00:01:41.002

et en plus elle prend son pied Elle dit quand son patron le joaillier

00:01:41.001 --> 00:01:43.001

va expédier les cailloux en Hollande

00:01:43.999 --> 00:01:47.001

où il les planque dans un tiroir secret de son coffre tout

00:01:48.994 --> 00:01:51.994

Quoi demander de plus Mais y a mieux

00:01:51.999 --> 00:01:55.008

J'ai pas payé ma première prime sur mon assurance bite

00:02:09.001 --> 00:02:10.001

Assurance bite

00:02:16.005 --> 00:02:20.001

La vie c'est une merde vraiment bizarre

00:02:21.001 --> 00:02:22.005

Mais

00:02:26.001 --> 00:02:28.001

abîmez pas la fille

00:02:32.001 --> 00:02:34.999

C'est compris abîmez pas la fille

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.242

Darf ich Ihnen das abnehmen Sir

00:00:05.671 --> 00:00:07.711

Lhre Limousine wartet

00:00:18.142 --> 00:00:19.047

Maxie

00:00:31.447 --> 00:00:34.401

Wie geht's Onkel Du siehst gut aus

00:00:35.868 --> 00:00:37.659

Nicht so gut wie du

00:00:41.207 --> 00:00:45.156

Komm Ich sollte dich nicht herumlungern lassen

00:00:48.381 --> 00:00:51.666

Hübsche Limousine Was denkst du hä

00:00:52.003 --> 00:00:56.552

Der Betrieb gehört uns inzwischen Es ist 'ne gute Deckfirma Und zahlt sich aus

00:00:56.722 --> 00:01:00.059

Meine Mutter hat mir geschrieben du wärst jetzt Leichenbestatter

00:01:02.937 --> 00:01:06.187

Übrigens ich danke dir für alles was du für meine Familie getan hast

00:01:06.399 --> 00:01:08.064

Vergiss es Es ist dein Geld

00:01:09.276 --> 00:01:12.645

Steht alles Schwarz auf Weiß in unseren Büchern

00:01:13.447 --> 00:01:18.904

Du gehörst zur Firma Du Patsy und Cockeye Leichenbestatter und Co

00:01:19.003 --> 00:01:22.999

Aber genug davon Die Arbeit kommt vor dem Vergnügen

00:01:23.006 --> 00:01:25.116

Da wartet ein eiliger Job

00:01:28.001 --> 00:01:30.791

Komm her Sieh sie dir an

00:01:32.675 --> 00:01:36.375

Plötzlich gestorben Tragisch was

00:01:37.999 --> 00:01:41.007

26 Jahre alt 26

00:01:42.977 --> 00:01:44.999

So eine Gemeinheit Hübsche Leiche

00:01:45.187 --> 00:01:49.232

Drogen Konnte nicht genug kriegen Und ich hab immer noch nicht genug

00:01:49.001 --> 00:01:52.899

Pump das Leben in sie rein Du bist im Knast doch nicht schwul geworden

00:01:53.779 --> 00:01:56.999

LEICHENWAGEN

00:01:56.999 --> 00:01:58.998

So

00:02:01.006 --> 00:02:05.003

Die dreht sich im Grabe um Alte Gewohnheit

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:01.989

Эй Джо

00:00:04.001 --> 00:00:05.994

расскажи ребяткам историю

00:00:08.997 --> 00:00:09.998

как ты застраховал киску Как там было

00:00:10.999 --> 00:00:11.998

Застраховал

00:00:11.945 --> 00:00:13.936

Расскажи ребятам как ты обделал это дельце

00:00:14.948 --> 00:00:16.939

Нет нет нет Расскажи им

00:00:16.983 --> 00:00:17.095

Давай

00:00:17.984 --> 00:00:19.952

Застраховал киску Или застраховался с помощью киски Как

00:00:19.986 --> 00:00:20.953

Расскажи эту историю

00:00:21.955 --> 00:00:23.946

Жизнь удивительная штука только и всего

00:00:24.958 --> 00:00:26.949

Но это так мелочь Ничего особенного

00:00:27.961 --> 00:00:30.953

У меня был страховой агент еврейчик по имени Дэвид

00:00:30.997 --> 00:00:33.966

Он пытался всучить мне полис на все случаи жизни

00:00:34.000 --> 00:00:38.096

Все что можно себе представить На собак дом жену жизнь

00:00:39.973 --> 00:00:43.966

Я как то выпивал с ребятами и приходит он со своей женой

00:00:44.998 --> 00:00:46.979

Хорошенькая брюнетка с классной задницей которая работает у ювелира

00:00:47.998 --> 00:00:49.982

Ну а парень все продолжает клянчить

00:00:51.985 --> 00:00:53.976

Я подмигнул своим ребятам и говорю Послушай

00:00:55.989 --> 00:00:58.981

самую серьезную страховку из всех существующих

00:00:59.999 --> 00:01:00.993

ты не можешь мне выдать

00:01:01.001 --> 00:01:03.996

Он продолжает Что это Джо Застраховать член

00:01:04.998 --> 00:01:07.999

Ты выдашь мне полис что когда он не работает

00:01:08.006 --> 00:01:11.001

я получаю страховку На это подписываюсь прямо сейчас

00:01:13.094 --> 00:01:18.934

Он говорит Не знаю есть ли ставки на это

00:01:18.999 --> 00:01:21.947

но я могу застраховать вас

00:01:21.999 --> 00:01:23.949

И продолжает Только вы должны дать гарантию

00:01:23.983 --> 00:01:24.095

что вы сейчас в хорошей форме

00:01:25.952 --> 00:01:28.944

Умник нашелся Я говорю Ладно

00:01:28.988 --> 00:01:31.999

оставь ее со мной а когда вернешься

00:01:31.991 --> 00:01:33.959

узнаешь в хорошей ли я форме Подходит

00:01:33.999 --> 00:01:37.952

И этот пижон уходит Я делаю свое дело Ей так понравилось

00:01:37.997 --> 00:01:40.999

что она говорит мне когда ее босс ювелир

00:01:41.000 --> 00:01:42.968

отправляет свои камешки в Голландию

00:01:43.953 --> 00:01:44.097

и что он припрятывает

00:01:45.049 --> 00:01:47.973

свое барахлишко в маленьком ящичке в сейфе

00:01:48.005 --> 00:01:50.976

Ну можно ли просить о большем И что главное

00:01:51.999 --> 00:01:54.097

Я никогда не получал страховую премию за член

00:02:08.995 --> 00:02:10.999

Вот это страховка

00:02:16.001 --> 00:02:19.928

Жизнь любопытная штука

00:02:20.094 --> 00:02:21.929

Но

00:02:25.999 --> 00:02:27.001

повежливее с девочкой

00:02:31.999 --> 00:02:33.001

Я не шучу повежливее с девочкой

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.376

Eh Joe

00:00:03.586 --> 00:00:09.625

Cuéntales la historia del seguro del chocho Cómo era

00:00:12.999 --> 00:00:15.427

Cuéntales cómo te enteraste del asunto

00:00:15.598 --> 00:00:17.674

Cuéntales la historia Venga

00:00:17.085 --> 00:00:21.599

Lo del seguro del chocho Cuéntales esa historia

00:00:21.771 --> 00:00:27.644

La vida es más rara que la leche joder La historia no es para tanto

00:00:27.819 --> 00:00:31.354

Tengo un agente de seguros un judío David

00:00:31.531 --> 00:00:36.193

Se las ingenia para venderme pólizas de todo lo que hay

00:00:36.369 --> 00:00:40.118

Del perro la casa la mujer de vida de todo

00:00:40.029 --> 00:00:44.157

Estaba de juerga y aparece con su mujer una morena

00:00:44.335 --> 00:00:47.704

con buen culo que trabaja para un joyero

00:00:47.088 --> 00:00:50.716

Y el tipo dale que te pego

00:00:51.884 --> 00:00:54.589

Le guiñé un ojo a los chicos y le dije

00:00:56.306 --> 00:01:00.599

A que no sabes qué póliza vas a hacerme

00:01:00.768 --> 00:01:04.813

Salta Cuál Joe Seguro de picha

00:01:04.999 --> 00:01:09.643

Me haces una póliza que diga que si no me funciona me indemnizas

00:01:09.819 --> 00:01:11.999

Y te extiendo un talón ya

00:01:14.282 --> 00:01:19.952

Piensa y dice No sé si alguna reglamentación lo contempla

00:01:20.121 --> 00:01:22.279

pero te puedo hacer la póliza

00:01:22.999 --> 00:01:25.066

Pero debes garantizarme que está en buen estado

00:01:25.999 --> 00:01:30.058

Le digo Mira déjame con ella Vuelve y ves si la tengo tiesa

00:01:30.001 --> 00:01:33.001

Si me empalmo es que me funciona

00:01:33.843 --> 00:01:36.001

El mamón se va Me la trinco

00:01:36.304 --> 00:01:41.262

No sólo eso a ella le gusta Y me cuenta que su jefe el joyero

00:01:41.434 --> 00:01:43.474

mandará diamantes a Holanda

00:01:43.645 --> 00:01:47.938

y que los esconde en un compartimiento de la caja fuerte

00:01:48.107 --> 00:01:51.441

Qué más se puede pedir Sólo una cosa

00:01:51.611 --> 00:01:55.774

Nunca pagué la prima del seguro de picha

00:02:09.999 --> 00:02:10.999

Seguro de picha

00:02:16.999 --> 00:02:20.001

La vida es la leche joder

00:02:21.999 --> 00:02:22.505

Pero

00:02:26.001 --> 00:02:28.982

portaos bien con la chica

00:02:32.001 --> 00:02:34.726

En serio Portaos con ella

Available in 6 languages

Duration

156 seconds

Views

10,951

Timestamp in Movie

01:50:45

Uploaded

Feb 27, 2026

Genres

Production

Embassy International Pictures,Warner Bros. Pictures,PSO

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Movie Summary

A former Prohibition-era Jewish gangster returns to the Lower East Side of Manhattan 35 years later, where he must once again confront the ghosts and regrets of his old life.

Actors

Max