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Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Oswalt discusses what happens to our bodies as we get older, who he could have been had he just followed the list he created during the lockdown, the Baby Boomer's last temper tantrum and much more.

Director

Patton Oswalt

Year

Genre

documentary, comedy

Box Office

N/A

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N/A

Awards

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Self

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So a kid whose brain maybe
isn't working correctly, you help fix it. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

So a kid whose brain maybe isn't working correctly, you...

And the ones you can't fix,
he puts away, right? - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

And the ones you can't fix, he puts away, right?

That was cute and dark - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

That was cute and dark

Oh, it's a 1980s Tom Hanks movie.
All right. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Oh, it's a 1980s Tom Hanks movie. All right.

And then, by day, he patrols the Internet. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

And then, by day, he patrols the Internet.

At night, it's Slippery Nipples
for secretaries, right? - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

At night, it's Slippery Nipples for secretaries, right?

What, uh... So you're a bartender, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

What, uh... So you're a bartender,

What's the scariest thing
you've learned so far - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

What's the scariest thing you've learned so far

How close are we to some huge hack attack - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

How close are we to some huge hack attack

- Pretty much nothing is private.
- Pretty much nothing is private. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

- Pretty much nothing is private. - Pretty much nothing is p...

Oh my God, have you ever...
Okay, when you were growing up, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Oh my God, have you ever... Okay, when you were growing up,

Have you done searches
of old bullies' names and stuff like that? - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Have you done searches of old bullies' names and stuff ...

What, uh... What do you...
What areas do you educate in? - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

What, uh... What do you... What areas do you educate in?

I help high schoolers, um,
access free college credit. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

I help high schoolers, um, access free college credit.

Does the sleeve tattoo help break the ice
when they're like, "She's cool"? - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Does the sleeve tattoo help break the ice when they're ...

"Let's get you some fucking credit - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

"Let's get you some fucking credit

And then he can get you, like,
free credit card shit and everything. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

And then he can get you, like, free credit card shit and eve...

Couldn't he use his cybersecurity
to get kids free college credit? - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Couldn't he use his cybersecurity to get kids free coll...

That's it. You have way more
self-confidence than I will ever have. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

That's it. You have way more self-confidence than I wil...

You work in Boulder.
Live in Denver, work in Boulder. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

You work in Boulder. Live in Denver, work in Boulder.

Probably could. Hang on. What is
your specific job at the grocery store? - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Probably could. Hang on. What is your specific job at the gr...

You seem amazed - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

You seem amazed

Are you asking me?
You seem to be like, "I sell light..." - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Are you asking me? You seem to be like, "I sell light.....

You're like, "I-I sell light bulbs?" - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

You're like, "I-I sell light bulbs?"

You're a lighting salesman,
so you stay in your house. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

You're a lighting salesman, so you stay in your house.

You call people up
or get on the internet with them? - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

You call people up or get on the internet with them?

So you get on Zoom calls with them,
and go, "Really quick, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

So you get on Zoom calls with them, and go, "Really qui...

Okay. You two are delightful,
and you are not a superhero team. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Okay. You two are delightful, and you are not a superhero te...

There's a guy who works at a Trader...
Doesn't quite know what he does there. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

There's a guy who works at a Trader... Doesn't qui...

Another guy gets on Zoom calls
and sells light bulbs. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Another guy gets on Zoom calls and sells light bulbs.

I think you have a weird OnlyFans.
You're just covering for it now. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

I think you have a weird OnlyFans. You're just covering...

You don't really sell light bulbs. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

You don't really sell light bulbs.

- It's the DC Universe.
- Oh, DC Universe. Very... Oh... - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

- It's the DC Universe. - Oh, DC Universe. Very... Oh.....

You know, doctor, lawyer,
cybersecurity, educator, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

You know, doctor, lawyer, cybersecurity, educator,

Be woke. Be open-minded.
Just don't pat yourself on the back, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Be woke. Be open-minded. Just don't pat yourself on the...

Everyone getting cancelled now
for not being woke - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Everyone getting cancelled now for not being woke

I'm very pro-trans, very pro-gay marriage,
gay rights, and pro-abor... - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

I'm very pro-trans, very pro-gay marriage, gay rights, ...

That's not... What I'm saying is - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

That's not... What I'm saying is

I'll be doing comedy when I'm 70, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

I'll be doing comedy when I'm 70,

I'll be like, "I don't think people
should fuck their clones." - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

I'll be like, "I don't think people should fu...

"No wait, I'm pro-trans." - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

"No wait, I'm pro-trans."

"When I grew up, you didn't jerk off
in a test tube - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

"When I grew up, you didn't jerk off in a test tub...

Uh, if you're an oppressed minority, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Uh, if you're an oppressed minority,

That's when you know...
The trans community really broke through - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

That's when you know... The trans community really brok...

But either way, that means in the future, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

But either way, that means in the future,

Goddamn, these last six years. Holy shit. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Goddamn, these last six years. Holy shit.

I was in such a panic in 2016,
then all the subsequent years, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

I was in such a panic in 2016, then all the subsequent years...

It isn't. It's bad right now, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

It isn't. It's bad right now,

It was the boomers' last temper tantrum. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

It was the boomers' last temper tantrum.

The boomers' last temper tantrum. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

The boomers' last temper tantrum.

Every time a generation gets old, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Every time a generation gets old,

This has happened before.
The greatest generation... - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

This has happened before. The greatest generation...

The greatest generation,
oh my God, fought the Nazis, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

The greatest generation, oh my God, fought the Nazis,

Hair turned gray,
dick didn't work anymore, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Hair turned gray, dick didn't work anymore,

Punk music, they don't know
what's going on. "Fuck this." - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Punk music, they don't know what's going on. "...

They were on the cutting edge of sex,
rock and roll, rebellion... - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

They were on the cutting edge of sex, rock and roll, rebelli...

They owned youth,
and then they got fucking old. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

They owned youth, and then they got fucking old.

Now they're, "Oh my God, I'm about to die.
What the fuck is going on?" - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Now they're, "Oh my God, I'm about to die. Wh...

Well, our temper tantrum
is going to be beyond ugly. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Well, our temper tantrum is going to be beyond ugly.

When we start getting old, our dicks
stop working, our hair goes gray, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

When we start getting old, our dicks stop working, our hair ...

It's gonna be either Eddie Vedder
or Janeane Garofalo. One of those two. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

It's gonna be either Eddie Vedder or Janeane Garofalo. ...

Janeane would be a horrible president. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Janeane would be a horrible president.

I've known her since the '90s. I love her.
She would tell you that herself. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

I've known her since the '90s. I love her. She wou...

Janeane, you should be president.
"I'm not doing that shit." - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Janeane, you should be president. "I'm not doing t...

Think of how Gen X thinks. Like,
"That's exactly the attitude we need." - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Think of how Gen X thinks. Like, "That's exactly t...

We'll love her even more. CNN will have
a ticker on the bottom of the screen, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

We'll love her even more. CNN will have a ticker on the...

And then we'll die, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

And then we'll die,

That would drive anybody... He's actually
handling it better than I would. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

That would drive anybody... He's actually handling it b...

If I had a fucking podcast
about knitting - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

If I had a fucking podcast about knitting

And Joe would be like,
"Patton went fucking nuts. Oh my God." - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

And Joe would be like, "Patton went fucking nuts. Oh my...

Pretend you're Jeff Goldblum
in The Fly, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Pretend you're Jeff Goldblum in The Fly,

"Oh. My farts smell like old books." - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

"Oh. My farts smell like old books."

"Day 17. Takes longer to stop peeing
than it does to pee." - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

"Day 17. Takes longer to stop peeing than it does to pe...

Foot, all of it, it's all coming apart.
But you know what? - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Foot, all of it, it's all coming apart. But you know wh...

Last year, last November,
I had to have some - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Last year, last November, I had to have some

And I'm gonna tell you the story.
I'm gonna use a little AP English zhoosh - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

And I'm gonna tell you the story. I'm gonna use a ...

I had to have some minor surgery,
the kind of surgery that, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

I had to have some minor surgery, the kind of surgery that,

So... And I'm worried. Still Covid.
"Oh my God, what if I get an infection?" - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

So... And I'm worried. Still Covid. "Oh my God, wh...

On the day of the operation,
I summoned a car with my phone. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

On the day of the operation, I summoned a car with my phone.

Doctor met me, showed me
all the cleanliness protocols they had. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Doctor met me, showed me all the cleanliness protocols they ...

He said, "This surgery, we've refined it." - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

He said, "This surgery, we've refined it."

He goes, "You are fine." - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

He goes, "You are fine."

And when I got home, I had a device - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

And when I got home, I had a device

When I left the hospital, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

When I left the hospital,

"There's no shame in it." - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

"There's no shame in it."

First day, I watch movies.
I read books on my iPad. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

First day, I watch movies. I read books on my iPad.

Next day, watch movies,
read books on my iPad, go to sleep. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Next day, watch movies, read books on my iPad, go to sleep.

Third day, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

But I wake up as it's happening
and I can feel it coming. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

But I wake up as it's happening and I can feel it comin...

I hop out of bed. Everything's okay.
I make it across the bedroom floor. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

I hop out of bed. Everything's okay. I make it across t...

Patton Oswalt: We All Scream poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Oswalt discusses what happens to our bodies as we get older, who he could have been had he just followed the list he created during the lockdown, the Baby Boomer's last temper tantrum and much more.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Patton Oswalt

Writer: Patton Oswalt

Production: N/A

Genre: documentary, comedy

Year: 2022

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: 5.9

BoxOffice: N/A

Released: 20 Sep 2022

Awards: N/A

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