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Like, if Cracker Barrel opened a BDSM store
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Patton Oswalt: We All Scream

Like, if Cracker Barrelopened a BDSM store, they would call it the Thatch of Pubes.That's...

Like, if Cracker Barrel
opened a BDSM store, they would call it the Thatch of Pubes.
That's what it would be called

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.838
Like, if Cracker Barrel opened a BDSM store,
00:00:04.921 --> 00:00:09.134
they would call it the Thatch of Pubes. That's what it would be called.
Duration
10 seconds
Views
32
Timestamp in Movie
00:08:47
Uploaded
Apr 27, 2025
Genres
documentary, comedy
Production
N/A

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Movie Summary

Oswalt discusses what happens to our bodies as we get older, who he could have been had he just followed the list he created during the lockdown, the Baby Boomer's last temper tantrum and much more.
It'd probably be connected to the Cracker Barrel. You'd go in, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream 00:15
It'd probably be connected to the Cracker Barrel. You&#...
♪ Thatch of Pubes ♪ - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream 00:06
♪ Thatch of Pubes ♪
♪ We've got nipple clamps And scented lubes ♪ - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream 00:11
♪ We've got nipple clamps And scented lubes ♪
And a tower of butt plugs that kisses the sky. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream 00:05
And a tower of butt plugs that kisses the sky.
Tell 'em Petunia the pube pig sent ya. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream 00:05
Tell 'em Petunia the pube pig sent ya.
Handful. Handful of clown pubes. That's - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream 00:06
Handful. Handful of clown pubes. That's
Every time you collect a handful of clown pubes, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream 00:06
Every time you collect a handful of clown pubes,
Gotta do it full length. Get the whole clown in there. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream 00:04
Gotta do it full length. Get the whole clown in there.
He or she's gotta be in their wig, their makeup, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream 00:06
He or she's gotta be in their wig, their makeup,
Then you take a hole-punch, punch a hole through the Polaroid, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream 00:14
Then you take a hole-punch, punch a hole through the Polaroi...
No, that doesn't work, because then someone can go, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream 00:16
No, that doesn't work, because then someone can go,
When you say I tho... This is what's happening right now, okay? - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream 00:04
When you say I tho... This is what's happening right no...
I think I've won your trust, but you know what? You shouldn't 100%... - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream 00:05
I think I've won your trust, but you know what? You sho...
Because what you've got... Listen. What I've done, comedically, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream 00:07
Because what you've got... Listen. What I've done,...
And yes, it's impressive, but you're right to go, "You know what?" - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream 00:15
And yes, it's impressive, but you're right to go, ...
I'm saying I want you to run as hard as you can - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream 00:15
I'm saying I want you to run as hard as you can
And when your hand hits that back wall, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream 00:09
And when your hand hits that back wall,
I'd be awake for eight days in a row... - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream 00:04
I'd be awake for eight days in a row...
Five in the morning, - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream 00:07
Five in the morning,
Not a giant backyard... One of those little workout ones. - Patton Oswalt: We All Scream 00:04
Not a giant backyard... One of those little workout ones.