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Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

[HBO] HD. Pete Holmes stars in his second special for HBO, taped in front of a sold-out live audience at the Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon.

Director

Marcus Raboy

Year

Genre

Box Office

N/A

Production

HBO

Awards

N/A

Homepage

https://www.hbo.com/specials/pete-holmes-dirty-clean

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Explore 325 Clips

They'll make a madman type show about
this time that we're in now. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

They'll make a madman type show about this time that we...

We're all gonna watch and be, like,
"Things we're different." It's now. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

We're all gonna watch and be, like, "Things we...

Things are different now. We're living
through a weird fucking time right now. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

Things are different now. We're living through a weird ...

Now we are, now. Now. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

Now we are, now. Now.

Now it is future.
Now. Now is the future. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

Now it is future. Now. Now is the future.

Elon Musk, you know,
the crazy billionaire dude? - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

Elon Musk, you know, the crazy billionaire dude?

Invented the self-driving car? - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

Invented the self-driving car?

It's crazy. This isn't something
they're working on, they made it. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

It's crazy. This isn't something they're work...

They have a self-driving car now.
What I think is funny about that? - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

They have a self-driving car now. What I think is funny abou...

It doesn't matter how fancy an
invention Elon Musk makes, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

It doesn't matter how fancy an invention Elon Musk make...

Does that make sense? He's stuck in
one of these meat puppets? - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

Does that make sense? He's stuck in one of these meat p...

Just like you and me,
just like a baboon. He's just a guy, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

Just like you and me, just like a baboon. He's just a g...

He's working on impossible math to make
a self-driving car - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

He's working on impossible math to make a self-driving ...

He just goes, "There's a rumble
in my jumble." Like, he just feels... - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

He just goes, "There's a rumble in my jumble."...

Just like you and me, he just goes,
"No, I've got to eat." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

Just like you and me, he just goes, "No, I've got ...

A plate,
just a level surface for his food, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

A plate, just a level surface for his food,

He can't upgrade this, he just had to
go, "Now wind activate." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

He can't upgrade this, he just had to go, "Now win...

He swallows it like a fucking pelican
because that's the best he can do. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

He swallows it like a fucking pelican because that's th...

When has to shit, he doesn't have
a contact lens that goes, like, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

When has to shit, he doesn't have a contact lens that g...

So he makes an excuse
with his egghead friends, he's, like, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

So he makes an excuse with his egghead friends, he's, l...

He has to go in a little room and squat
on a bowl that's filled with water. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

He has to go in a little room and squat on a bowl that'...

That's the best we can do.
That is the height of the technology. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

That's the best we can do. That is the height of the te...

It's a bowl filled with water and he
squats like an ostrich in the Serengeti - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

It's a bowl filled with water and he squats like an ost...

And then when he thinks he's done
and he's not always right... - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

And then when he thinks he's done and he's not alw...

When he thinks he's done, he gets
paper, that's the best we have, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

When he thinks he's done, he gets paper, that's th...

And he wipes his shitty ass
and then he looks at it. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

And he wipes his shitty ass and then he looks at it.

Everyone here knows there's no better
method than the wipe and the look. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

Everyone here knows there's no better method than the w...

The old wipe and look.
He goes wipe, wipe, wipe, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

The old wipe and look. He goes wipe, wipe, wipe,

Wipe, wipe, wipe,
clean but I don't trust it. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

Wipe, wipe, wipe, clean but I don't trust it.

Wipe, wipe, wipe, "Whoa, good thing
I didn't stop while I was ahead." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

Wipe, wipe, wipe, "Whoa, good thing I didn't stop ...

He washes his hands, gets in his car
and goes, po-poop! "Home." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

He washes his hands, gets in his car and goes, po-poop! &quo...

Like, I know there's cams and stuff
but for the most part it was earlier. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

Like, I know there's cams and stuff but for the most pa...

We know shit they don't know.
They're back then, like... - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

We know shit they don't know. They're back then, l...

"Oh, what if Hillary is gonna win?"
Like, they don't know. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

"Oh, what if Hillary is gonna win?" Like, they don...

"When's the McRib coming back?"
They're in the dark. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

"When's the McRib coming back?" They're ...

We're the dumdums that are home,
just going, it's now in my mind. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

We're the dumdums that are home, just going, it's ...

But I'm off porn. I go off and on,
it's hard, it's addictive - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

But I'm off porn. I go off and on, it's hard, it&#...

Was watching it, I was mastur...
I was masturbating, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

Was watching it, I was mastur... I was masturbating,

I was masturbating and went...
I'm sorry. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

I was masturbating and went... I'm sorry.

And when I was finishing...
I didn't give the order to say anything - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

And when I was finishing... I didn't give the order to ...

Because it wasn't. It wasn't worth it. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

Because it wasn't. It wasn't worth it.

That dirty feeling I had to carry
around with me the rest of the day? - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

That dirty feeling I had to carry around with me the rest of...

I had to go to the post office.
There's kids and old women there, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

I had to go to the post office. There's kids and old wo...

I don't even mean the acting before
the sex, where they're, like, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

I don't even mean the acting before the sex, where they...

I'm talking about the acting during
the sex. For the most part it's normal - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

I'm talking about the acting during the sex. For the mo...

The last one I saw, this is an accurate
impression. I'll send you the link. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

The last one I saw, this is an accurate impression. I'l...

So woman was going nuts.
So regular sexing, just normal stuff, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

So woman was going nuts. So regular sexing, just normal stuf...

"Fuck that pussy." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

"Fuck that pussy."

Like, what are you doing?
Have you had sex before? - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

Like, what are you doing? Have you had sex before?

This isn't an exorcism.
People are trying to masturbate. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

This isn't an exorcism. People are trying to masturbate...

There's no script, we let you improvise
and this is what you come in with? - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

There's no script, we let you improvise and this is wha...

In her trailer in front of the mirror
before just, like, "I'll be right out." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

In her trailer in front of the mirror before just, like, &qu...

"Fuck that pussy."
Nope, nope, not quite right. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

"Fuck that pussy." Nope, nope, not quite right.

"Fuck that pussy." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

"Fuck that pussy."

Thank you so, so, so, much. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

Thank you so, so, so, much.

Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

[HBO] HD. Pete Holmes stars in his second special for HBO, taped in front of a sold-out live audience at the Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Marcus Raboy

Writer: Pete Holmes

Production: HBO

Genre: comedy

Year: 2018

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: 7.1

BoxOffice: N/A

Released: 15 Dec 2018

Awards: N/A

Homepage: https://www.hbo.com/specials/pete-holmes-dirty-clean