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He can't upgrade this, he just had to go,
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Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

He can't upgrade this, he just had togo, "Now wind activate." And he puts it in his...

He can't upgrade this, he just had to
go, "Now wind activate." And he puts it in his mouth
and gnaws it

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:05.796
He can't upgrade this, he just had to go, "Now wind activate."
00:00:07.214 --> 00:00:09.008
And he puts it in his mouth and gnaws it...
Duration
10 seconds
Views
23
Timestamp in Movie
00:49:17
Uploaded
Jun 24, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
HBO

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Movie Summary

[HBO] HD. Pete Holmes stars in his second special for HBO, taped in front of a sold-out live audience at the Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon.
He swallows it like a fucking pelican because that's the best he can do. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
He swallows it like a fucking pelican because that's th...
When has to shit, he doesn't have a contact lens that goes, like, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:12
When has to shit, he doesn't have a contact lens that g...
So he makes an excuse with his egghead friends, he's, like, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
So he makes an excuse with his egghead friends, he's, l...
He has to go in a little room and squat on a bowl that's filled with water. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
He has to go in a little room and squat on a bowl that'...
That's the best we can do. That is the height of the technology. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
That's the best we can do. That is the height of the te...
It's a bowl filled with water and he squats like an ostrich in the Serengeti - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:19
It's a bowl filled with water and he squats like an ost...
And then when he thinks he's done and he's not always right... - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
And then when he thinks he's done and he's not alw...
When he thinks he's done, he gets paper, that's the best we have, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:08
When he thinks he's done, he gets paper, that's th...
And he wipes his shitty ass and then he looks at it. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
And he wipes his shitty ass and then he looks at it.
Everyone here knows there's no better method than the wipe and the look. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
Everyone here knows there's no better method than the w...
The old wipe and look. He goes wipe, wipe, wipe, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:13
The old wipe and look. He goes wipe, wipe, wipe,
Wipe, wipe, wipe, clean but I don't trust it. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
Wipe, wipe, wipe, clean but I don't trust it.
Wipe, wipe, wipe, "Whoa, good thing I didn't stop while I was ahead." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:11
Wipe, wipe, wipe, "Whoa, good thing I didn't stop ...
He washes his hands, gets in his car and goes, po-poop! "Home." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
He washes his hands, gets in his car and goes, po-poop! &quo...
Like, I know there's cams and stuff but for the most part it was earlier. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
Like, I know there's cams and stuff but for the most pa...
We know shit they don't know. They're back then, like... - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
We know shit they don't know. They're back then, l...
"Oh, what if Hillary is gonna win?" Like, they don't know. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
"Oh, what if Hillary is gonna win?" Like, they don...
"When's the McRib coming back?" They're in the dark. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
"When's the McRib coming back?" They're ...
We're the dumdums that are home, just going, it's now in my mind. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
We're the dumdums that are home, just going, it's ...
But I'm off porn. I go off and on, it's hard, it's addictive - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:11
But I'm off porn. I go off and on, it's hard, it&#...