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Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

He's like, "You believe in life?" "Get real!" "You think there's hotdogsand roller...

He's like, "You believe in life?" "Get real!" "You think there's hotdogs
and roller skates?" "You're a child." "Didn't you go to college?" Don't get me wrong, nothing is
absolutely one of the choices

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.252
He's like, "You believe in life?"
00:00:04.462 --> 00:00:06.547
"Get real!"
00:00:07.799 --> 00:00:11.928
"You think there's hotdogs and roller skates?" "You're a child."
00:00:13.388 --> 00:00:15.974
"Didn't you go to college?"
00:00:18.351 --> 00:00:22.855
Don't get me wrong, nothing is absolutely one of the choices.
Duration
23 seconds
Views
43
Timestamp in Movie
00:37:30
Uploaded
Jun 24, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
HBO

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Movie Summary

[HBO] HD. Pete Holmes stars in his second special for HBO, taped in front of a sold-out live audience at the Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon.
I see that for sure. And I'm not afraid of nothing. I'm not afraid of nothing. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
I see that for sure. And I'm not afraid of nothing. I&#...
Who fucking cares? It's nothing. If you're nothing, but you're like, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
Who fucking cares? It's nothing. If you're nothing...
Just jump off the high dive into soft, dark soil and you're like, "Bye, Pete." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:12
Just jump off the high dive into soft, dark soil and you...
Be reasonable. There's no fucking hell. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:04
Be reasonable. There's no fucking hell.
Don't wanna be wrong about that one. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:04
Don't wanna be wrong about that one.
If there is a hell, I don't think the worst part will be the torture. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
If there is a hell, I don't think the worst part will b...
The worst part would be that we don't get breaks to talk about the torture. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
The worst part would be that we don't get breaks to tal...
And we all just gather in a common area, drink boiling water. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
And we all just gather in a common area, drink boiling water...
Just like, "What are they doing to you?" - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
Just like, "What are they doing to you?"
It's like tiny little crabs and they're eating me real slow." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:21
It's like tiny little crabs and they're eating me ...
I think... I think that might be my heaven. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
I think... I think that might be my heaven.
Like suffering then talking about it, suffering then talking about it. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
Like suffering then talking about it, suffering then talking...
Like what we're doing here. You know what I'm saying? - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
Like what we're doing here. You know what I'm sayi...
What if the last words of the Bible where you had to be there? What if. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
What if the last words of the Bible where you had to be ther...
Yeah, to the end, it really would've made more sense if you saw this. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
Yeah, to the end, it really would've made more sense if...
One of my career goals is to open a Christian buffet called, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
One of my career goals is to open a Christian buffet called,
On the count of three, don't say anything. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:04
On the count of three, don't say anything.
At the same time, we're all gonna check. Don't say anything. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:04
At the same time, we're all gonna check. Don't say...
I'm serious. What did you just do? - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:04
I'm serious. What did you just do?
Three, two, one. Check if you have to pee. What. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:04
Three, two, one. Check if you have to pee. What.