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He's working on impossible math to make a self-driving car
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Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

He's working on impossible math to makea self-driving car but when he gets hungrythere's...

He's working on impossible math to make
a self-driving car but when he gets hungry
there's no technology

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.211
He's working on impossible math to make a self-driving car
00:00:04.295 --> 00:00:06.881
but when he gets hungry there's no technology.
Duration
7 seconds
Views
19
Timestamp in Movie
00:48:36
Uploaded
Jun 24, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
HBO

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Movie Summary

[HBO] HD. Pete Holmes stars in his second special for HBO, taped in front of a sold-out live audience at the Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon.
He just goes, "There's a rumble in my jumble." Like, he just feels... - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
He just goes, "There's a rumble in my jumble."...
Just like you and me, he just goes, "No, I've got to eat." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:08
Just like you and me, he just goes, "No, I've got ...
A plate, just a level surface for his food, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:21
A plate, just a level surface for his food,
He can't upgrade this, he just had to go, "Now wind activate." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:10
He can't upgrade this, he just had to go, "Now win...
He swallows it like a fucking pelican because that's the best he can do. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
He swallows it like a fucking pelican because that's th...
When has to shit, he doesn't have a contact lens that goes, like, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:12
When has to shit, he doesn't have a contact lens that g...
So he makes an excuse with his egghead friends, he's, like, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
So he makes an excuse with his egghead friends, he's, l...
He has to go in a little room and squat on a bowl that's filled with water. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
He has to go in a little room and squat on a bowl that'...
That's the best we can do. That is the height of the technology. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
That's the best we can do. That is the height of the te...
It's a bowl filled with water and he squats like an ostrich in the Serengeti - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:19
It's a bowl filled with water and he squats like an ost...
And then when he thinks he's done and he's not always right... - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
And then when he thinks he's done and he's not alw...
When he thinks he's done, he gets paper, that's the best we have, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:08
When he thinks he's done, he gets paper, that's th...
And he wipes his shitty ass and then he looks at it. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
And he wipes his shitty ass and then he looks at it.
Everyone here knows there's no better method than the wipe and the look. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
Everyone here knows there's no better method than the w...
The old wipe and look. He goes wipe, wipe, wipe, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:13
The old wipe and look. He goes wipe, wipe, wipe,
Wipe, wipe, wipe, clean but I don't trust it. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
Wipe, wipe, wipe, clean but I don't trust it.
Wipe, wipe, wipe, "Whoa, good thing I didn't stop while I was ahead." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:11
Wipe, wipe, wipe, "Whoa, good thing I didn't stop ...
He washes his hands, gets in his car and goes, po-poop! "Home." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
He washes his hands, gets in his car and goes, po-poop! &quo...
Like, I know there's cams and stuff but for the most part it was earlier. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
Like, I know there's cams and stuff but for the most pa...
We know shit they don't know. They're back then, like... - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
We know shit they don't know. They're back then, l...