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I was getting up to pee anyway
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Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

I was getting up to pee anyway

I was getting up to pee anyway

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.017
I was getting up to pee anyway.
Duration
4 seconds
Views
26
Timestamp in Movie
00:09:32
Uploaded
Jun 24, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
HBO

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Movie Summary

[HBO] HD. Pete Holmes stars in his second special for HBO, taped in front of a sold-out live audience at the Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon.
It's funny when you go to the hospital, you have the baby, they give you one. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
It's funny when you go to the hospital, you have the ba...
I knew it was my baby. My baby looks so much like me, it feels impolite. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
I knew it was my baby. My baby looks so much like me, it fee...
I was like, "Oh, shit. It's me." Like, that's not... - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
I was like, "Oh, shit. It's me." Like, that&#...
It's like my genes are assholes. They're bully genes. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
It's like my genes are assholes. They're bully gen...
They got in the mix and my genes were just like, "We don't want to jell!" - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:14
They got in the mix and my genes were just like, "We do...
You're supposed to go 50/50 with your wife, to puff puff pass the baby. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
You're supposed to go 50/50 with your wife, to puff puf...
They gave me the baby and I was like, "Face match ID, a hundred percent." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:11
They gave me the baby and I was like, "Face match ID, a...
They all give you the same advice every single nurse, there's like 20 nurses. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
They all give you the same advice every single nurse, there&...
They all told us, they go, "Hey, never shake a baby." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:11
They all told us, they go, "Hey, never shake a baby.&qu...
"Hey, listen up. Don't shake a baby." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:21
"Hey, listen up. Don't shake a baby."
Oh, you're gonna wanna shake the shit out of that baby. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
Oh, you're gonna wanna shake the shit out of that baby.
You are gonna be tempted as fuck to shake like a goddamn Etch A Sketch, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:14
You are gonna be tempted as fuck to shake like a goddamn Etc...
It's not like you're having a quiet night at home, the baby's in the crib - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
It's not like you're having a quiet night at home,...
It's not that. They tell you when the baby cries, rock the baby. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
It's not that. They tell you when the baby cries, rock ...
They tell you, swing the baby. This is code - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:09
They tell you, swing the baby. This is code
The baby starts crying a little bit, you shake it a bit, and it works. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
The baby starts crying a little bit, you shake it a bit, and...
And it starts crying a lot, turned bright red, screaming in your face, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:09
And it starts crying a lot, turned bright red, screaming in ...
The logic tracks but you can't, because you know... Sure some of you know. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
The logic tracks but you can't, because you know... Sur...
You know what happens, what the disease is called if you shake a baby? - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
You know what happens, what the disease is called if you sha...
Shaken... Yes. Shaken baby syndrome. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
Shaken... Yes. Shaken baby syndrome.