To watch in HD, get ClipCafe PRO
I was like,
Please log in to add to collections.
Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

I was like, "Oh, shit. It's me."Like, that's not

I was like, "Oh, shit. It's me."
Like, that's not

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.587
I was like, "Oh, shit. It's me." Like, that's not...
Duration
5 seconds
Views
20
Timestamp in Movie
00:09:56
Uploaded
Jun 24, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
HBO

Want This Clip in HD?

Upgrade for HD/4K downloads and unlimited access. Upgrade now →

Movie Summary

[HBO] HD. Pete Holmes stars in his second special for HBO, taped in front of a sold-out live audience at the Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon.
It's like my genes are assholes. They're bully genes. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
It's like my genes are assholes. They're bully gen...
They got in the mix and my genes were just like, "We don't want to jell!" - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:14
They got in the mix and my genes were just like, "We do...
You're supposed to go 50/50 with your wife, to puff puff pass the baby. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
You're supposed to go 50/50 with your wife, to puff puf...
They gave me the baby and I was like, "Face match ID, a hundred percent." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:11
They gave me the baby and I was like, "Face match ID, a...
They all give you the same advice every single nurse, there's like 20 nurses. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
They all give you the same advice every single nurse, there&...
They all told us, they go, "Hey, never shake a baby." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:11
They all told us, they go, "Hey, never shake a baby.&qu...
"Hey, listen up. Don't shake a baby." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:21
"Hey, listen up. Don't shake a baby."
Oh, you're gonna wanna shake the shit out of that baby. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
Oh, you're gonna wanna shake the shit out of that baby.
You are gonna be tempted as fuck to shake like a goddamn Etch A Sketch, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:14
You are gonna be tempted as fuck to shake like a goddamn Etc...
It's not like you're having a quiet night at home, the baby's in the crib - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
It's not like you're having a quiet night at home,...
It's not that. They tell you when the baby cries, rock the baby. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
It's not that. They tell you when the baby cries, rock ...
They tell you, swing the baby. This is code - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:09
They tell you, swing the baby. This is code
The baby starts crying a little bit, you shake it a bit, and it works. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
The baby starts crying a little bit, you shake it a bit, and...
And it starts crying a lot, turned bright red, screaming in your face, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:09
And it starts crying a lot, turned bright red, screaming in ...
The logic tracks but you can't, because you know... Sure some of you know. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
The logic tracks but you can't, because you know... Sur...
You know what happens, what the disease is called if you shake a baby? - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
You know what happens, what the disease is called if you sha...
Shaken... Yes. Shaken baby syndrome. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
Shaken... Yes. Shaken baby syndrome.
It's the name of the disease. It might as well be called Dad Lost It. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
It's the name of the disease. It might as well be calle...
The disease includes what happened. It's like a shame disease. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
The disease includes what happened. It's like a shame d...
It's made to dissuade you from doing it because you can't be casual. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:04
It's made to dissuade you from doing it because you can...