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Invented the self-driving car?
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Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

Invented the self-driving car?

Invented the self-driving car?

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.462
Invented the self-driving car?
Duration
4 seconds
Views
22
Timestamp in Movie
00:48:05
Uploaded
Jun 24, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
HBO

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Movie Summary

[HBO] HD. Pete Holmes stars in his second special for HBO, taped in front of a sold-out live audience at the Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon.
It's crazy. This isn't something they're working on, they made it. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
It's crazy. This isn't something they're work...
They have a self-driving car now. What I think is funny about that? - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
They have a self-driving car now. What I think is funny abou...
It doesn't matter how fancy an invention Elon Musk makes, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
It doesn't matter how fancy an invention Elon Musk make...
Does that make sense? He's stuck in one of these meat puppets? - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
Does that make sense? He's stuck in one of these meat p...
Just like you and me, just like a baboon. He's just a guy, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:09
Just like you and me, just like a baboon. He's just a g...
He's working on impossible math to make a self-driving car - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
He's working on impossible math to make a self-driving ...
He just goes, "There's a rumble in my jumble." Like, he just feels... - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
He just goes, "There's a rumble in my jumble."...
Just like you and me, he just goes, "No, I've got to eat." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:08
Just like you and me, he just goes, "No, I've got ...
A plate, just a level surface for his food, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:21
A plate, just a level surface for his food,
He can't upgrade this, he just had to go, "Now wind activate." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:10
He can't upgrade this, he just had to go, "Now win...
He swallows it like a fucking pelican because that's the best he can do. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
He swallows it like a fucking pelican because that's th...
When has to shit, he doesn't have a contact lens that goes, like, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:12
When has to shit, he doesn't have a contact lens that g...
So he makes an excuse with his egghead friends, he's, like, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
So he makes an excuse with his egghead friends, he's, l...
He has to go in a little room and squat on a bowl that's filled with water. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
He has to go in a little room and squat on a bowl that'...
That's the best we can do. That is the height of the technology. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
That's the best we can do. That is the height of the te...
It's a bowl filled with water and he squats like an ostrich in the Serengeti - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:19
It's a bowl filled with water and he squats like an ost...
And then when he thinks he's done and he's not always right... - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
And then when he thinks he's done and he's not alw...
When he thinks he's done, he gets paper, that's the best we have, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:08
When he thinks he's done, he gets paper, that's th...
And he wipes his shitty ass and then he looks at it. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
And he wipes his shitty ass and then he looks at it.
Everyone here knows there's no better method than the wipe and the look. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
Everyone here knows there's no better method than the w...