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On the count of three, don't say anything
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Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

On the count of three,don't say anything

On the count of three,
don't say anything

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.295
On the count of three, don't say anything.
Duration
4 seconds
Views
31
Timestamp in Movie
00:40:33
Uploaded
Jun 24, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
HBO

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Movie Summary

[HBO] HD. Pete Holmes stars in his second special for HBO, taped in front of a sold-out live audience at the Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon.
At the same time, we're all gonna check. Don't say anything. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:04
At the same time, we're all gonna check. Don't say...
I'm serious. What did you just do? - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:04
I'm serious. What did you just do?
Three, two, one. Check if you have to pee. What. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:04
Three, two, one. Check if you have to pee. What.
What action did you just command? You're like, "Okay, go down." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:13
What action did you just command? You're like, "Ok...
Who you are is behind your eyes and you just sort of puppeteer your body. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
Who you are is behind your eyes and you just sort of puppete...
You just kind of dangling down there like a marionette. You're like, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:13
You just kind of dangling down there like a marionette. You&...
But every time you check if you have to pee, you send a little piece of you - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:13
But every time you check if you have to pee, you send a litt...
I'm so tired of not talking about this. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
I'm so tired of not talking about this.
Your brain has eyes like you have eyes. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
Your brain has eyes like you have eyes.
But your brain also has eyes that see things that only you can see. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
But your brain also has eyes that see things that only you c...
Like picture an orange, keep your eyes open but picture an orange, the fuck. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
Like picture an orange, keep your eyes open but picture an o...
Like really do it. Keep 'em open but think really hard about an orange. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
Like really do it. Keep 'em open but think really hard ...
What the shit. Just for a second. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:04
What the shit. Just for a second.
Just a giant orange. I don't know how big yours was. Mine was giant. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
Just a giant orange. I don't know how big yours was. Mi...
She's a giant translucent orange that only you can see. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
She's a giant translucent orange that only you can see.
But why do you have to be stoned for this to be interesting? - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:04
But why do you have to be stoned for this to be interesting?
Everybody sing happy birthday in your head right now. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
Everybody sing happy birthday in your head right now.
I'm serious. What the fuck is going on? It's so normal. We're just like, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:22
I'm serious. What the fuck is going on? It's so no...
Was it louder? Clap if you think it was louder. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:04
Was it louder? Clap if you think it was louder.
Clap if it wasn't louder, the voice was just going... "Happy birth..." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:08
Clap if it wasn't louder, the voice was just going... &...