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When has to shit, he doesn't have a contact lens that goes, like
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Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

When has to shit, he doesn't havea contact lens that goes, like, "Elon, shit detected." He...

When has to shit, he doesn't have
a contact lens that goes, like, "Elon, shit detected." He just feels it, like you and me,
he just goes, that's not gas

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.711
When has to shit, he doesn't have a contact lens that goes, like,
00:00:03.794 --> 00:00:07.506
"Elon, shit detected."
00:00:07.059 --> 00:00:12.303
He just feels it, like you and me, he just goes, that's not gas.
Duration
12 seconds
Views
28
Timestamp in Movie
00:49:37
Uploaded
Jun 24, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
HBO

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Movie Summary

[HBO] HD. Pete Holmes stars in his second special for HBO, taped in front of a sold-out live audience at the Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon.
So he makes an excuse with his egghead friends, he's, like, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
So he makes an excuse with his egghead friends, he's, l...
He has to go in a little room and squat on a bowl that's filled with water. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
He has to go in a little room and squat on a bowl that'...
That's the best we can do. That is the height of the technology. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
That's the best we can do. That is the height of the te...
It's a bowl filled with water and he squats like an ostrich in the Serengeti - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:19
It's a bowl filled with water and he squats like an ost...
And then when he thinks he's done and he's not always right... - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
And then when he thinks he's done and he's not alw...
When he thinks he's done, he gets paper, that's the best we have, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:08
When he thinks he's done, he gets paper, that's th...
And he wipes his shitty ass and then he looks at it. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
And he wipes his shitty ass and then he looks at it.
Everyone here knows there's no better method than the wipe and the look. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
Everyone here knows there's no better method than the w...
The old wipe and look. He goes wipe, wipe, wipe, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:13
The old wipe and look. He goes wipe, wipe, wipe,
Wipe, wipe, wipe, clean but I don't trust it. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
Wipe, wipe, wipe, clean but I don't trust it.
Wipe, wipe, wipe, "Whoa, good thing I didn't stop while I was ahead." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:11
Wipe, wipe, wipe, "Whoa, good thing I didn't stop ...
He washes his hands, gets in his car and goes, po-poop! "Home." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
He washes his hands, gets in his car and goes, po-poop! &quo...
Like, I know there's cams and stuff but for the most part it was earlier. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
Like, I know there's cams and stuff but for the most pa...
We know shit they don't know. They're back then, like... - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
We know shit they don't know. They're back then, l...
"Oh, what if Hillary is gonna win?" Like, they don't know. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
"Oh, what if Hillary is gonna win?" Like, they don...
"When's the McRib coming back?" They're in the dark. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
"When's the McRib coming back?" They're ...
We're the dumdums that are home, just going, it's now in my mind. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
We're the dumdums that are home, just going, it's ...
But I'm off porn. I go off and on, it's hard, it's addictive - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:11
But I'm off porn. I go off and on, it's hard, it&#...
Was watching it, I was mastur... I was masturbating, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
Was watching it, I was mastur... I was masturbating,
I was masturbating and went... I'm sorry. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
I was masturbating and went... I'm sorry.