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Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

You can't be like,"Yeah, we went off-roading, I told her to buckle up, she's a littleGuy...

You can't be like,
"Yeah, we went off-roading, I told her to buckle up, she's a little
Guy Fieri. She doesn't give a fuck." She got tossed and tussled.
She's fucked up now, I know, yeah

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.629
You can't be like, "Yeah, we went off-roading,
00:00:04.712 --> 00:00:09.508
I told her to buckle up, she's a little Guy Fieri. She doesn't give a fuck."
00:00:09.592 --> 00:00:13.763
She got tossed and tussled. She's fucked up now, I know, yeah.
Duration
14 seconds
Views
28
Timestamp in Movie
00:13:36
Uploaded
Jun 24, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
HBO

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Movie Summary

[HBO] HD. Pete Holmes stars in his second special for HBO, taped in front of a sold-out live audience at the Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon.
I put her on my cell phone, it was on vibrate, got a few calls. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:04
I put her on my cell phone, it was on vibrate, got a few cal...
I haven't... I've never shaken the baby. You don't shake the baby. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
I haven't... I've never shaken the baby. You don&#...
I wish someone told me. I'm like, "Am I a monster?" - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:11
I wish someone told me. I'm like, "Am I a monster?...
And it's not that hard, getting a dog... I never had a dog my whole life. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
And it's not that hard, getting a dog... I never had a ...
Getting a dog, honestly, was more confusing than getting a baby. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
Getting a dog, honestly, was more confusing than getting a b...
Honestly, getting a dog was different because it's a fucking dog, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
Honestly, getting a dog was different because it's a fu...
You're like, "You wanna be in here?" - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:09
You're like, "You wanna be in here?"
When your baby cries, it's a human. I have a human baby. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
When your baby cries, it's a human. I have a human baby...
You're like, "It's probably hungry. It's hot, it's cold, has gas." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
You're like, "It's probably hungry. It's...
So you're like, "I got it." I have no idea what my dog wants. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
So you're like, "I got it." I have no idea wh...
My best guess, never-ending eye contact. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
My best guess, never-ending eye contact.
I'm trying to watch Great British Bake Off, he's down there like, "Hey, dad." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
I'm trying to watch Great British Bake Off, he's d...
I was raised with cats and you can kind of tell. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:04
I was raised with cats and you can kind of tell.
You can kind of tell I was raised with cats. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
You can kind of tell I was raised with cats.
It's the worst hackle you could give me is laughing at that. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
It's the worst hackle you could give me is laughing at ...
You can tell I was raised with cats. The command I most often give my dog - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:10
You can tell I was raised with cats. The command I most ofte...
I've been out of the house for two days. If my dog had a cell phone, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:13
I've been out of the house for two days. If my dog had ...
He'd be FaceTiming me right now just like, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:14
He'd be FaceTiming me right now just like,
You don't know what your cat is. Like, people say cats are evil and they are. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
You don't know what your cat is. Like, people say cats ...
They're rolling their own cigarettes. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:04
They're rolling their own cigarettes.