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Your life is over.
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Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

Your life is over." And I was like,"Yeah, I don't fucking care." I had a good run. I had...

Your life is over." And I was like,
"Yeah, I don't fucking care." I had a good run. I had 39
uninterrupted years of just like, "You guys eaten cheese?"
Like, let's fucking

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.504
Your life is over."
00:00:04.671 --> 00:00:07.966
And I was like, "Yeah, I don't fucking care."
00:00:08.999 --> 00:00:12.022
I had a good run. I had 39 uninterrupted years of just like,
00:00:12.387 --> 00:00:16.001
"You guys eaten cheese?" Like, let's fucking...
Duration
16 seconds
Views
28
Timestamp in Movie
00:07:58
Uploaded
Jun 24, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
HBO

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Movie Summary

[HBO] HD. Pete Holmes stars in his second special for HBO, taped in front of a sold-out live audience at the Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon.
I can't be 40, "I'm really looking forward to the new Joker movie." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:09
I can't be 40, "I'm really looking forward to...
You sleep, you just sleep different. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:04
You sleep, you just sleep different.
You sleep in bursts. Sleep for, like, three hours and you're up for an hour, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:09
You sleep in bursts. Sleep for, like, three hours and you�...
Because the best part of sleep is falling asleep. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
Because the best part of sleep is falling asleep.
It's the only part you're there for. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:04
It's the only part you're there for.
When you say you love sleep, you mean that moment where you're waiting like, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
When you say you love sleep, you mean that moment where you&...
That's what you mean when you cascade into the caramel waterfall - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:19
That's what you mean when you cascade into the caramel ...
And because I have a baby now, I get to do this 22 times a night. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
And because I have a baby now, I get to do this 22 times a n...
I was getting up to pee anyway. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:04
I was getting up to pee anyway.
It's funny when you go to the hospital, you have the baby, they give you one. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
It's funny when you go to the hospital, you have the ba...
I knew it was my baby. My baby looks so much like me, it feels impolite. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
I knew it was my baby. My baby looks so much like me, it fee...
I was like, "Oh, shit. It's me." Like, that's not... - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
I was like, "Oh, shit. It's me." Like, that&#...
It's like my genes are assholes. They're bully genes. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
It's like my genes are assholes. They're bully gen...
They got in the mix and my genes were just like, "We don't want to jell!" - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:14
They got in the mix and my genes were just like, "We do...
You're supposed to go 50/50 with your wife, to puff puff pass the baby. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
You're supposed to go 50/50 with your wife, to puff puf...
They gave me the baby and I was like, "Face match ID, a hundred percent." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:11
They gave me the baby and I was like, "Face match ID, a...
They all give you the same advice every single nurse, there's like 20 nurses. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
They all give you the same advice every single nurse, there&...
They all told us, they go, "Hey, never shake a baby." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:11
They all told us, they go, "Hey, never shake a baby.&qu...
"Hey, listen up. Don't shake a baby." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:21
"Hey, listen up. Don't shake a baby."
Oh, you're gonna wanna shake the shit out of that baby. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
Oh, you're gonna wanna shake the shit out of that baby.