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Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean

You're like, "I'll be happywhen I'm at work."

You're like, "I'll be happy
when I'm at work."

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.587
You're like, "I'll be happy when I'm at work."
Duration
5 seconds
Views
19
Timestamp in Movie
00:30:44
Uploaded
Jun 24, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
HBO

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Movie Summary

[HBO] HD. Pete Holmes stars in his second special for HBO, taped in front of a sold-out live audience at the Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon.
Be happy now. Enjoy everything. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
Be happy now. Enjoy everything.
Really, that's why I don't use Waze. You guys know what Waze is? - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
Really, that's why I don't use Waze. You guys know...
Waze is the app that uses crowdsource info to get you around traffic. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
Waze is the app that uses crowdsource info to get you around...
I know a lot of you probably like Waze. Does anybody here hate Waze? - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
I know a lot of you probably like Waze. Does anybody here ha...
I only need a few of you. Fuck Waze. Listen to me, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:08
I only need a few of you. Fuck Waze. Listen to me,
It's all head, it's no heart. Do you know what I mean? - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:04
It's all head, it's no heart. Do you know what I m...
It just sucks you in and you're like, "Traffic? Ha, we'll see about that." - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:14
It just sucks you in and you're like, "Traffic? Ha...
Just fucking give up, you stupid bitch, give up. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
Just fucking give up, you stupid bitch, give up.
I don't need to save five minutes careening through gated communities. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
I don't need to save five minutes careening through gat...
We don't belong on those roads. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:04
We don't belong on those roads.
Apple Orchard Lane? Get out of there. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
Apple Orchard Lane? Get out of there.
And even if you like it, I think we can agree there should be a medium setting. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
And even if you like it, I think we can agree there should b...
It's either off or Indiana Jones, that's all you got. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
It's either off or Indiana Jones, that's all you g...
It's either radio silence or it thinks you rush a kidney to the Obama family. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
It's either radio silence or it thinks you rush a kidne...
I mean this. Give up. Surrender. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
I mean this. Give up. Surrender.
Long, slow, straight, good. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
Long, slow, straight, good.
Tune out, listen to music. Why are you so afraid of being alone? - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
Tune out, listen to music. Why are you so afraid of being al...
Just be with yourself. Call an old friend, keep a friendship alive, - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:07
Just be with yourself. Call an old friend, keep a friendship...
My friends all get there, I feel you pulling away... - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:05
My friends all get there, I feel you pulling away...
My friends all use Waze. They get to the office five minutes before me. - Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean 00:06
My friends all use Waze. They get to the office five minutes...