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Porch Pirates

A trio of detectives race to catch a mischievous gang of porch pirates and recover the Mayor's prized Beanie Baby, all while juggling their own holiday chaos.

Director

Jeff Hamm

Year

Genre

comedy, crime, family

Box Office

N/A

Production

Ichthys Films,Pine Line Studios,Red Plaid Films

Awards

3 wins & 1 nomination

Homepage

https://porchpirates.mov/

Marcos Fernandez

Jack Tyler

Jay Dee Walters

Sticky

Ryan T. Johnson

Sally Jones

Bobby

Newscaster

Grace

Brooklyn Ray Davila

David

Fast Eddie

Izzy

Terry Higginbotham

Mayor Jim

Charley

Karen

Delivery Man

Maria Tyler

Candace Kirkpatrick

Emily

Barbara Laurean

Cowboy

Hunter

Ralph

Frank

Captain Logan

Sarah

Molly Peyton White

Becky

Kimberly Gail Williams

View All Cast

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Explore 439 Clips

(bright energetic music) - Porch Pirates

(bright energetic music)

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ - Porch Pirates

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Get up on your feet ♪ - Porch Pirates

♪ Get up on your feet ♪

{\an8}We are getting ready for
another Christmas season - Porch Pirates

{\an8}We are getting ready for another Christmas season

{\an8}Be sure and check your
front porch for those packages - Porch Pirates

{\an8}Be sure and check your front porch for those packages

(urine dripping) - Porch Pirates

(urine dripping)

- That depends, (fly zipping) - Porch Pirates

- That depends, (fly zipping)

- Well, you're late. Not fashionably. - Porch Pirates

- Well, you're late. Not fashionably.

- Ah, ah, ah, you didn't
say the magic word. - Porch Pirates

- Ah, ah, ah, you didn't say the magic word.

- Please?
- No. Money. - Porch Pirates

- Please? - No. Money.

(electricity zapping) - Porch Pirates

(electricity zapping)

And I can tell that you are a man who likes - Porch Pirates

And I can tell that you are a man who likes

Hot toys, limited
edition, pristine condition. - Porch Pirates

Hot toys, limited edition, pristine condition.

(tense ominous music) - Porch Pirates

(tense ominous music)

(cash rustling) - Porch Pirates

(cash rustling)

(engine revving) - Porch Pirates

(engine revving)

(tense ominous music continues) - Porch Pirates

(tense ominous music continues)

(handcuffs fastening) (sirens wailing) - Porch Pirates

(handcuffs fastening) (sirens wailing)

A- all you gotta do is say the magic word - Porch Pirates

A- all you gotta do is say the magic word

♪ We wish you ♪ (radio shuts off) - Porch Pirates

♪ We wish you ♪ (radio shuts off)

And for two, you don't play Christmas music - Porch Pirates

And for two, you don't play Christmas music

It's a sin.
- If I may, he's right, Antonio. - Porch Pirates

It's a sin. - If I may, he's right, Antonio.

♪ And now Santa has a tall black suit ♪ - Porch Pirates

♪ And now Santa has a tall black suit ♪

- Typical Marcos. He is
going to get an earful from me. - Porch Pirates

- Typical Marcos. He is going to get an earful from me.

(silverware clattering) - Porch Pirates

(silverware clattering)

- Well, as I recall it was you, Hunter, - Porch Pirates

- Well, as I recall it was you, Hunter,

- Oh, there's never a dull
moment between siblings, - Porch Pirates

- Oh, there's never a dull moment between siblings,

He is a grown man, and
he has made his decision. - Porch Pirates

He is a grown man, and he has made his decision.

- If he doesn't want to
be here, then it's his loss. - Porch Pirates

- If he doesn't want to be here, then it's his los...

Would anyone like the
last piece of tres leches - Porch Pirates

Would anyone like the last piece of tres leches

(hand smacks) - Porch Pirates

(gentle solemn music) - Porch Pirates

(gentle solemn music)

(gentle solemn music continues) - Porch Pirates

(gentle solemn music continues)

(footsteps pattering) - Porch Pirates

(footsteps pattering)

It's just that it's been so long - Porch Pirates

It's just that it's been so long

But in time, he's gonna get through this. - Porch Pirates

But in time, he's gonna get through this.

- Please tell me you are
not eating in our bed again. - Porch Pirates

- Please tell me you are not eating in our bed again.

(Jack munching) - Porch Pirates

(Jack munching)

(bright whimsical music) - Porch Pirates

(bright whimsical music)

(tense suspenseful music) - Porch Pirates

(tense suspenseful music)

- Lemme see. Brilliant, babe. - Porch Pirates

- Lemme see. Brilliant, babe.

(glass shatters) (monitor buzzing) - Porch Pirates

(glass shatters) (monitor buzzing)

- Good. We're tracking
over 50 delivery trucks. - Porch Pirates

- Good. We're tracking over 50 delivery trucks.

And with tomorrow being Black Friday, - Porch Pirates

And with tomorrow being Black Friday,

♪ Yo-ho, yo-ho ♪ - Porch Pirates

♪ Yo-ho, yo-ho ♪

- Now according to Sarah's
estimate, we should be able - Porch Pirates

- Now according to Sarah's estimate, we should be able

- Okay, so minus the 5,000
that we have in expenses, - Porch Pirates

- Okay, so minus the 5,000 that we have in expenses,

So the delivery trucks stop delivering - Porch Pirates

So the delivery trucks stop delivering

Phase one, we'll track the delivery trucks - Porch Pirates

Phase one, we'll track the delivery trucks

- Yes, and then I'm gonna
be programming each address - Porch Pirates

- Yes, and then I'm gonna be programming each address

(group cheering) - Porch Pirates

(group cheering)

Plus the crowds are getting mas loco, - Porch Pirates

Plus the crowds are getting mas loco,

- Oh, I don't know about
that, my sexy mamacita. - Porch Pirates

- Oh, I don't know about that, my sexy mamacita.

(bright upbeat music) (bell ringing) - Porch Pirates

(bright upbeat music) (bell ringing)

I got it as a free gift when I
did some online shopping. - Porch Pirates

I got it as a free gift when I did some online shopping.

According to this, - Porch Pirates

According to this,

- Ah, that's very funny coming
from you since we all know - Porch Pirates

- Ah, that's very funny coming from you since we all kn...

Besides, Hunter's just
like his Grandmother. No patience. - Porch Pirates

Besides, Hunter's just like his Grandmother. No patienc...

- I think you meant - Porch Pirates

- I think you meant

- (laughs) Stop wasting time
and pass me another ornament. - Porch Pirates

- (laughs) Stop wasting time and pass me another ornament.

(bright upbeat music continues) - Porch Pirates

(bright upbeat music continues)

(tense ominous music) - Porch Pirates

(tense ominous music)

(monitor beeping) - Porch Pirates

(monitor beeping)

(drone buzzing) - Porch Pirates

(drone buzzing)

{\an8}Standing by.
♪ Her bow dipped down ♪ - Porch Pirates

{\an8}Standing by. ♪ Her bow dipped down ♪

(footsteps pattering) (objects clattering) - Porch Pirates

(footsteps pattering) (objects clattering)

(egg cracking) - Porch Pirates

So if you happen to see Santa Claus running - Porch Pirates

So if you happen to see Santa Claus running

- [News Anchor] And call the local- - Porch Pirates

- [News Anchor] And call the local-

Take it easy, sis.
- Ah, just trying - Porch Pirates

Take it easy, sis. - Ah, just trying

(bright whimsical music) - Porch Pirates

(bright whimsical music)

- Mm-mm. Delicious, babe. - Porch Pirates

- Mm-mm. Delicious, babe.

- You would have known had
you been here for Thanksgiving. - Porch Pirates

- You would have known had you been here for Thanksgiving.

You gotta get outta here, 'cause
when the chancla comes up flying, - Porch Pirates

You gotta get outta here, 'cause when the chancla comes...

(bright upbeat music) - Porch Pirates

(bright upbeat music)

(bright whimsical music) - Porch Pirates

(bright whimsical music)

(door knocking) Is anybody home? - Porch Pirates

(door knocking) Is anybody home?

(birds singing) - Porch Pirates

(birds singing)

(door knocking) (Charley sighs) - Porch Pirates

(door knocking) (Charley sighs)

(bright energetic music) - Porch Pirates

(bright energetic music)

- Sally's gonna be assisting
on the Porch Pirates case, - Porch Pirates

- Sally's gonna be assisting on the Porch Pirates case,

I'm sure you'll find her experience - Porch Pirates

I'm sure you'll find her experience

- (laughs) Cramp, cramp. Ow, ah, ow. - Porch Pirates

- (laughs) Cramp, cramp. Ow, ah, ow.

We're not wrestling the
cattle, Captain. No offense. - Porch Pirates

We're not wrestling the cattle, Captain. No offense.

- Well, I, I figure Captain
wants us to, uh, solve this case - Porch Pirates

- Well, I, I figure Captain wants us to, uh, solve this case

- (laughs) Well, aren't you sassier - Porch Pirates

- (laughs) Well, aren't you sassier

- All right, now that
we got that sorted out, - Porch Pirates

- All right, now that we got that sorted out,

- Did you hear about
the Aggie that found out - Porch Pirates

- Did you hear about the Aggie that found out

- I don't know. What?
- He moved. (laughs) - Porch Pirates

- I don't know. What? - He moved. (laughs)

(leaves rustling) (tense suspenseful music) - Porch Pirates

(leaves rustling) (tense suspenseful music)

Porch Pirates poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

A trio of detectives race to catch a mischievous gang of porch pirates and recover the Mayor's prized Beanie Baby, all while juggling their own holiday chaos.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Jeff Hamm

Writer: Justin Chaffee, Jeff Hamm, Jay Dee Walters

Production: Ichthys Films,Pine Line Studios,Red Plaid Films

Genre: comedy, crime, family

Year: 2024

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: 4.8

BoxOffice: N/A

Released: 28 Nov 2024

Awards: 3 wins & 1 nomination

Homepage: https://porchpirates.mov/