Congratulations, Nabi. We are at the doorstep of our martyrdom. Praise Allah. Praise him!...

[first lines]
Asif: Congratulations, Nabi. We are at the doorstep of our martyrdom.
Nabi: Praise Allah.
Asif: Praise him! Soon, we will be greeted by Allah, the one true god... and by the cheers of our fore fathers... and by ninety-nine perfect virgins who will worship us... for ALL eternity!
Nabi: [pause] I thought it was one hundred.
Asif: What's that?
Nabi: One hundred virgins. They promised me one hundred.
Asif: Ninety-nine, one hundred. What's the difference?
Nabi: If they're telling you one thing and they're telling me another, maybe they don't know for sure.
Asif: Maybe... maybe the exact number of virgins is not precise.
Nabi: I mean, if it's in the nineties, I can live with that.
Asif: Or seventy-five.
Nabi: And hey, I'm not greedy, but what if it's ten?
Asif: [pause] Well...
Nabi: What if it's ten, but we had to split them between us?
Asif: [smiles] Then you'd have five more virgins than you have right now, right?
Nabi: [serious] We're talking about ETERNITY here! How long will five virgins last you? Maybe a month? But they're not going to be virgins for long, right?
Asif: [pause] Look, would it make it feel better if we called the big guy?
Nabi: Yes.
Asif: Take this, then.
[Nabi grabs hold of the steering wheel as Asif calls Osama]
Asif: It's ringing... Osama, yes, it's Asif... No, we're on it... eh, it's fine, but security, it takes forever, you know.
[chuckles]
Asif: What are you going to do? Anyway, look, Nabi has a question. Will you talk to him?
Nabi: [Quietly] No! You talk to him!
[sighs and grabs the phone]
Nabi: Hello! Yes... uh, it's about the virgins... really? It was one hundred when I signed up!
[groans, then to Asif]
Nabi: He says not that many anymore! Too many martyrs and not enough virgins to go around!
Asif: You've got to be kidding! Does he know where we are here? Give me the phone!
[Nabi hands over phone]
Asif: Osama, Asif. Right now, can you tell me the number, absolutely, you can guarantee, Nabi and myself, as far as virgins are concerned?
[pause; gets a shocked look]
Asif: No, that's fine.
[hangs up; to Nabi]
Asif: We can't get anymore than twenty!
[Both are disappointed; long pause as the passengers are briefly heard banging on the cockpit door]
Asif: Screw this, right?
Nabi: I'm glad you said it first!
Asif: Okay, get on the intercom and tell them, "Passengers, we are changing course for the Bahamas!"
Nabi: [Screaming with joy] BAHAMAS!
[Suddenly, the passengers break in and overwhelm Asif and Nabi]
Nabi: [We then see a window washer on the World Trade Center as the plane comes crashing into the building and the window washer]
[Title Card; POSTAL]