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Quasi

Follow a hapless hunchback who yearns for love, but finds himself in the middle of a murderous feud between the Pope and the king of France when each orders the hunchback to kill the other.

Director

Kevin Heffernan

Year

Genre

Box Office

N/A

Production

Broken Lizard Industries,Cataland Films,Searchlight Pictures

Awards

N/A

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Narrator

Quasi

King Guy

Jay Chandrasekhar

Duchamp

Kevin Heffernan

Pope Cornelius

Cardinal Claude

Erik Stolhanske

Village Scamp

Village Scamp

Quinn Heffernan

Village Scamp

Kelsey Heffernan

Pascal

Stefan

Marcus Henderson

Brother Giuseppe

Michael Yurchak

Queen Catherine

Adrianne Palicki

Woman in Crowd

Suzanne Gutierrez

Margot

Hassie Harrison

Emmanuelle

King's Guard Jonathan

Sheep F**ker

Laurent

Richard Perello

Oyster Woman at Banquet

Peasant

Torturer

King's Guard

King's Guard #2

Stephen Bralver

King's Guard

Pope's Guard

Torturee

Michael Heidemann

King's Guard

Kevin the Villager

King's Guard

Roman Mitichyan

Ancient Scholar

Villager

Bradley Duane Phillips

Villager

Romeo Armand Seay

Villager

Raymond Spaulding

Villager

Stewart Strauss

View All Cast

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Explore 386 Clips

My new queen likes to speak
of hemorrhoids. - Quasi

My new queen likes to speak of hemorrhoids.

Quasi, I would like you to kill the pope. - Quasi

Quasi, I would like you to kill the pope.

Um, I'm sorry, Your Majesty. - Quasi

Um, I'm sorry, Your Majesty.

At your private confession, - Quasi

At your private confession,

These are actual depictions
of the pope having sex with Saracen women. - Quasi

These are actual depictions of the pope having sex with Sara...

God chose you when you won the lottery. - Quasi

God chose you when you won the lottery.

And God knows
that only you can take him by surprise. - Quasi

And God knows that only you can take him by surprise.

Yes. In the confessional, there will be
a dagger hidden under the bench. - Quasi

Yes. In the confessional, there will be a dagger hidden unde...

You will drive that dagger
into the pope's heart. - Quasi

You will drive that dagger into the pope's heart.

You will,
or you will be executed as a traitor. - Quasi

You will, or you will be executed as a traitor.

You will assassinate the pope, - Quasi

You will assassinate the pope,

Do I make myself clear, Hunchback? - Quasi

Do I make myself clear, Hunchback?

Well, Mr. Celebrity,
do you want a Black Death shot? - Quasi

Well, Mr. Celebrity, do you want a Black Death shot?

My name is Duchamp,
and I am Quasi's hut mate. - Quasi

My name is Duchamp, and I am Quasi's hut mate.

You and your main mother-plucker
over here. - Quasi

You and your main mother-plucker over here.

What is this? - Quasi

By the way, Your Grace, - Quasi

By the way, Your Grace,

"Holy Father, can you fix my hump?" - Quasi

"Holy Father, can you fix my hump?"

Please, meet my new bride,
Queen Catherine. - Quasi

Please, meet my new bride, Queen Catherine.

So, Catherine, congratulations
on your coronation ceremony. - Quasi

So, Catherine, congratulations on your coronation ceremony.

I don't know that it will be daring,
but thank you, Holy Father. - Quasi

I don't know that it will be daring, but thank you, Hol...

Oh, he's never one to pass up a crowd
or to soak said crowd for donations. - Quasi

Oh, he's never one to pass up a crowd or to soak said c...

That crystal fucking wine glass
that's right there on the table. - Quasi

That crystal fucking wine glass that's right there on t...

Cardinal Claude,
I think I prefer you in that seat. - Quasi

Cardinal Claude, I think I prefer you in that seat.

Are we really doing this again
in my country? - Quasi

Are we really doing this again in my country?

The only reason you're here is
so you can horn in on her coronation. - Quasi

The only reason you're here is so you can horn in on he...

And you're only coronating because you
don't have the sack to rule this country - Quasi

And you're only coronating because you don't have ...

Why don't you take your papal supremacy
and shove it up your funny fucking hat? - Quasi

Why don't you take your papal supremacy and shove it up...

Uh, did you hear the one about the peanuts
that were walking down the street? - Quasi

Uh, did you hear the one about the peanuts that were walking...

They'd be like,
"Put it back in my vagina." - Quasi

They'd be like, "Put it back in my vagina."

Hey! I made my very special
Confession Day fondue. - Quasi

Hey! I made my very special Confession Day fondue.

Mmm. Mon Dieu, that's good fondue. - Quasi

Mmm. Mon Dieu, that's good fondue.

Uh, if it doesn't hurt, then you gotta
zhuzh it up a little bit. - Quasi

Uh, if it doesn't hurt, then you gotta zhuzh it up a li...

- Oh, my.
- [Quasi gasps] - Quasi

- Oh, my. - [Quasi gasps]

Pontiff,
may I introduce my finest employee - Quasi

Pontiff, may I introduce my finest employee

No requests to deflate that hump - Quasi

No requests to deflate that hump

Éclairs au chocolat. - Quasi

Éclairs au chocolat.

Okay, so,
pull it thusly and push like this? - Quasi

Okay, so, pull it thusly and push like this?

Enough monk-y business. - Quasi

Enough monk-y business.

[both laugh] - Quasi

Though, I cannot say how pleasant
for the poor chap who has to wipe my ass. - Quasi

Though, I cannot say how pleasant for the poor chap who has ...

Um, Your Holiness, I have been tasked
with something horrible, - Quasi

Um, Your Holiness, I have been tasked with something horribl...

He will straighten out your back
in exchange for this one very small task. - Quasi

He will straighten out your back in exchange for this one ve...

He wants you to kill the king tomorrow at
the public square in front of his people. - Quasi

He wants you to kill the king tomorrow at the public square ...

Disobey me, and God will send you
directly to Hunchback Hell - Quasi

Disobey me, and God will send you directly to Hunchback Hell

Uh, he needed a place to live
closer to town. I was short on rent. - Quasi

Uh, he needed a place to live closer to town. I was short on...

I don't give a resounding fuck
about your housing arrangements! - Quasi

I don't give a resounding fuck about your housing arran...

Ah, I see you found the jewel-encrusted
dagger I had placed in your booth. Good. - Quasi

Ah, I see you found the jewel-encrusted dagger I had placed ...

Now, don't let the door hit you
on the hump on the way out. - Quasi

Now, don't let the door hit you on the hump on the way ...

Merde. - Quasi

Oh, do you think he'll wail like a maiden
when he finds him dead? - Quasi

Oh, do you think he'll wail like a maiden when he finds...

You have exactly five seconds
to explain why the pope is still alive. - Quasi

You have exactly five seconds to explain why the pope is sti...

There was no dagger in the confessional.
I didn't have anything to kill him with. - Quasi

There was no dagger in the confessional. I didn't have ...

Probably thieves.
You know France and its thieves. - Quasi

Probably thieves. You know France and its thieves.

Yes, well, France certainly has thieves,
doesn't it? Especially in confessionals. - Quasi

Yes, well, France certainly has thieves, doesn't it? Es...

You have left me
with unfinished business, Hunchback. - Quasi

You have left me with unfinished business, Hunchback.

But perhaps we could wait
and try again later. - Quasi

But perhaps we could wait and try again later.

Say, oh, next Christmas. - Quasi

Say, oh, next Christmas.

Can... He would never see that coming.
Can you imagine how surprised he'd... - Quasi

Can... He would never see that coming. Can you imagine how s...

Excellent idea, indeed. - Quasi

Excellent idea, indeed.

Tomorrow at our public appearance
in the square, you will kill the pope. - Quasi

Tomorrow at our public appearance in the square, you will ki...

Then my guards will subdue you, proving
the power of the throne over the church. - Quasi

Then my guards will subdue you, proving the power of the thr...

And then we'll reward you with wives
and money and land - Quasi

And then we'll reward you with wives and money and land

Yeah. No. I feel like
there's some holes in that plan. - Quasi

Yeah. No. I feel like there's some holes in that plan.

You will kill the pope tomorrow,
or I will slit your throat myself! - Quasi

You will kill the pope tomorrow, or I will slit your throat ...

I'm assuming you'll have him
publicly executed thereafter, sire? - Quasi

I'm assuming you'll have him publicly executed the...

If I can kill my former wife
for flapping her gums, - Quasi

If I can kill my former wife for flapping her gums,

After the coronation,
and with the pope out of the way, - Quasi

After the coronation, and with the pope out of the way,

And then my new wife
will find herself quite expendable. - Quasi

And then my new wife will find herself quite expendable.

Would it be easier if we got a third guard
to come in and kill both of these guys? - Quasi

Would it be easier if we got a third guard to come in and ki...

Quasi! I'm not usually this guy,
but I gotta know. - Quasi

Quasi! I'm not usually this guy, but I gotta know.

Um… - Quasi

♪ Frère Jacques
Frère Jacques ♪ - Quasi

♪ Frère Jacques Frère Jacques ♪

♪ Frère Jacques
Frère Jacques ♪ - Quasi

♪ Frère Jacques Frère Jacques ♪

[sighs] - Quasi

Never such a sad song have heard I. - Quasi

Never such a sad song have heard I.

What stank-laden cloud
engulfs your gamy heart? - Quasi

What stank-laden cloud engulfs your gamy heart?

I cannot say. I've been forbidden. - Quasi

I cannot say. I've been forbidden.

Okay, he didn't tell me that part.
Well, that's bad news. - Quasi

Okay, he didn't tell me that part. Well, that's ba...

No, I was talking about how the pope
also ordered me to kill the king. - Quasi

No, I was talking about how the pope also ordered me to kill...

I've learned the king's previous wife was
killed when she overstepped her position. - Quasi

I've learned the king's previous wife was killed w...

- Non.
- Oui. - Quasi

Well… - Quasi

Why bother? I don't matter.
I'm a nobody. - Quasi

Why bother? I don't matter. I'm a nobody.

You are not a nobody.
You are Quasi: inventor, problem solver. - Quasi

You are not a nobody. You are Quasi: inventor, problem solve...

Someone as resourceful as you can
certainly come up with a solution to this. - Quasi

Someone as resourceful as you can certainly come up with a s...

♪ Frère Jacques
Frère Jacques ♪ - Quasi

♪ Frère Jacques Frère Jacques ♪

No, I have a plan. - Quasi

No, I have a plan.

Gets me off the hook
from killing the king and the pope - Quasi

Gets me off the hook from killing the king and the pope

- I really like that part, a lot!
- Yeah. - Quasi

- I really like that part, a lot! - Yeah.

Quasi poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Follow a hapless hunchback who yearns for love, but finds himself in the middle of a murderous feud between the Pope and the king of France when each orders the hunchback to kill the other.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Kevin Heffernan

Writer: Jay Chandrasekhar, Kevin Heffernan, Steve Lemme

Production: Broken Lizard Industries,Cataland Films,Searchlight Pictures

Genre: comedy, drama

Year: 2023

MetaScore: 51/100

ImdbRating: 5.3

BoxOffice: N/A

Released: 20 Apr 2023

Awards: N/A

Homepage:

Also watch: Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2, Chokehold, Cairo Conspiracy, Downton Abbey: A New Era, Bottoms, R.I.P.D. 2: Rise of the Damned, When We First Met, Five Nights at Freddy's, Elemental, Fast X, The Green Mile, Joker, Tenet, Poor Things, Spider Man: No Way Home, Interstellar, Me Before You, Oppenheimer