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If my father leaves me a shriveled dork in his will
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Raising Buchanan

If my father leaves me ashriveled dork in his will, I'm making a fucking smoothie outof it...

If my father leaves me a
shriveled dork in his will, I'm making a fucking smoothie out
of it and pouring it on his grave

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.203
If my father leaves me a shriveled dork in his will,
00:00:03.237 --> 00:00:05.639
I'm making a fucking smoothie out of it and pouring it on his grave.
Duration
6 seconds
Views
23
Timestamp in Movie
00:22:49
Uploaded
Jun 14, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
N/A

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Movie Summary

A desperate woman steals the corpse of former US president James Buchanan, hoping to net a large ransom. Complications arise when it seems no one is particularly interested in getting him back.
I'll grant you that it might not be kidnapping but it's probably theft and burglary. - Raising Buchanan 00:05
I'll grant you that it might not be kidnapping but it&#...
Well, you take the moisture out of a guy and he's just a pile of sticks. - Raising Buchanan 00:04
Well, you take the moisture out of a guy and he's just ...
I want them to get it right before they get the call from Pennsylvania - Raising Buchanan 00:05
I want them to get it right before they get the call from Pe...
Uhh... He's gonna need more than just "sick." - Raising Buchanan 00:07
Uhh... He's gonna need more than just "sick."
That way, if he questions it, he's gonna have a harassment suit on his hands. - Raising Buchanan 00:04
That way, if he questions it, he's gonna have a harassm...
"Vaginal pneumonia." - Raising Buchanan 00:04
"Vaginal pneumonia."
You say slavery is "a great moral evil" - Raising Buchanan 00:06
You say slavery is "a great moral evil"
And I cannot vouch for the author's impartiality. - Raising Buchanan 00:05
And I cannot vouch for the author's impartiality.
If you would prefer a more enlightened account of these events, - Raising Buchanan 00:13
If you would prefer a more enlightened account of these even...
Mr. Buchanan's Administration on the Eve of Rebellion? - Raising Buchanan 00:08
Mr. Buchanan's Administration on the Eve of Rebellion?
You've made an enormous mistake, Miss Kiesling. - Raising Buchanan 00:04
You've made an enormous mistake, Miss Kiesling.
You will spend a significant portion of your remaining years in a federal penitentiary. - Raising Buchanan 00:06
You will spend a significant portion of your remaining years...
For you, madam, are a shiftless reprobate. - Raising Buchanan 00:05
For you, madam, are a shiftless reprobate.
Well, to criticize me, - Raising Buchanan 00:07
Well, to criticize me,
And to me, all endeavors, - Raising Buchanan 00:10
And to me, all endeavors,
For all endeavors there is but one master. - Raising Buchanan 00:05
For all endeavors there is but one master.
I acknowledge no master but the law. - Raising Buchanan 00:04
I acknowledge no master but the law.
Well, yes, but you're missing the point. - Raising Buchanan 00:04
Well, yes, but you're missing the point.
But the government is supposed to change the stupid ones, right? - Raising Buchanan 00:05
But the government is supposed to change the stupid ones, ri...
So this is your area of expertise? - Raising Buchanan 00:05
So this is your area of expertise?