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If you were smart, you would return him right now
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Raising Buchanan

If you were smart, you wouldreturn him right now

If you were smart, you would
return him right now

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.336
If you were smart, you would return him right now.
Duration
4 seconds
Views
18
Timestamp in Movie
01:13:21
Uploaded
Jun 14, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
N/A

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Movie Summary

A desperate woman steals the corpse of former US president James Buchanan, hoping to net a large ransom. Complications arise when it seems no one is particularly interested in getting him back.
In fact, I may have found an interested buyer, - Raising Buchanan 00:06
In fact, I may have found an interested buyer,
I know you can be trusted to keep quiet about Mr. Buchanan purely out of self-preservation. - Raising Buchanan 00:05
I know you can be trusted to keep quiet about Mr. Buchanan p...
But in order to heal this rift between us, I'm willing to offer an olive branch: - Raising Buchanan 00:13
But in order to heal this rift between us, I'm willing ...
Occasionally, he's a decent guy, but he's amoral. - Raising Buchanan 00:05
Occasionally, he's a decent guy, but he's amoral.
And you're a 40-year-old grave-robber that works in a donut shop. - Raising Buchanan 00:04
And you're a 40-year-old grave-robber that works in a d...
And I hate to judge, but he's not even a good ventriloquist. - Raising Buchanan 00:05
And I hate to judge, but he's not even a good ventriloq...
Probably the same reason you do: - Raising Buchanan 00:08
Probably the same reason you do:
Here's how I see it: - Raising Buchanan 00:06
Here's how I see it:
And whether or not you have a pickle, he's gonna get a pickle out of you. - Raising Buchanan 00:05
And whether or not you have a pickle, he's gonna get a ...
As you can see, the goods are exactly as promised, so... - Raising Buchanan 00:05
As you can see, the goods are exactly as promised, so...
Look into my dash-cam and say hello to my friends in Washington, DC. - Raising Buchanan 00:05
Look into my dash-cam and say hello to my friends in Washing...
Well, don't get discouraged. I'm willing to work with you three. - Raising Buchanan 00:05
Well, don't get discouraged. I'm willing to work w...
Sorry, sir, but we won't say a word without an attorney present. - Raising Buchanan 00:04
Sorry, sir, but we won't say a word without an attorney...
Both of you could be going away for a very long time. - Raising Buchanan 00:04
Both of you could be going away for a very long time.
I'm Detective Hostetler, County Sheriff's Office assisting the FBI. - Raising Buchanan 00:05
I'm Detective Hostetler, County Sheriff's Office a...
What's a probation officer doing handcuffing people in a pastry shop? - Raising Buchanan 00:04
What's a probation officer doing handcuffing people in ...
- What do I owe you? - No charge, those are irregulars. - Raising Buchanan 00:05
- What do I owe you? - No charge, those are irregulars.
Our boss will get very upset if she leaves during her shift. - Raising Buchanan 00:04
Our boss will get very upset if she leaves during her shift.
Okay, who knows the name of the guy who was the president just before Lincoln? - Raising Buchanan 00:05
Okay, who knows the name of the guy who was the president ju...
Yeah, she's here... yeah, we're heading out. - Raising Buchanan 00:04
Yeah, she's here... yeah, we're heading out.