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This isn't some half-assed adventure here. I'm trying to survive
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Raising Buchanan

This isn't some half-assed adventure here.I'm trying to survive

This isn't some half-assed adventure here.
I'm trying to survive

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.007
This isn't some half-assed adventure here. I'm trying to survive.
Duration
4 seconds
Views
24
Timestamp in Movie
00:20:20
Uploaded
Jun 14, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
N/A

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Movie Summary

A desperate woman steals the corpse of former US president James Buchanan, hoping to net a large ransom. Complications arise when it seems no one is particularly interested in getting him back.
So, Jillian, do you think this bikini top is too small on me? - Raising Buchanan 00:05
So, Jillian, do you think this bikini top is too small on me...
No, I saw some big boxes in there and some bubble wrap. - Raising Buchanan 00:05
No, I saw some big boxes in there and some bubble wrap.
I told you: I'm gonna email the ransom note to the government. - Raising Buchanan 00:04
I told you: I'm gonna email the ransom note to the gove...
Some lady in New Jersey owns Napoleon's penis, and she says that she... - Raising Buchanan 00:05
Some lady in New Jersey owns Napoleon's penis, and she ...
Wait! Why the hell does some lady in New Jersey own Napoleon's penis? - Raising Buchanan 00:05
Wait! Why the hell does some lady in New Jersey own Napoleon...
No, it's "one inch long and resembles a maltreated strip of buckskin shoelace." - Raising Buchanan 00:09
No, it's "one inch long and resembles a maltreated...
Nobody refuses that kind of money for a historical buckskin penis - Raising Buchanan 00:07
Nobody refuses that kind of money for a historical buckskin ...
If my father leaves me a shriveled dork in his will, - Raising Buchanan 00:06
If my father leaves me a shriveled dork in his will,
I'll grant you that it might not be kidnapping but it's probably theft and burglary. - Raising Buchanan 00:05
I'll grant you that it might not be kidnapping but it&#...
Well, you take the moisture out of a guy and he's just a pile of sticks. - Raising Buchanan 00:04
Well, you take the moisture out of a guy and he's just ...
I want them to get it right before they get the call from Pennsylvania - Raising Buchanan 00:05
I want them to get it right before they get the call from Pe...
Uhh... He's gonna need more than just "sick." - Raising Buchanan 00:07
Uhh... He's gonna need more than just "sick."
That way, if he questions it, he's gonna have a harassment suit on his hands. - Raising Buchanan 00:04
That way, if he questions it, he's gonna have a harassm...
"Vaginal pneumonia." - Raising Buchanan 00:04
"Vaginal pneumonia."
You say slavery is "a great moral evil" - Raising Buchanan 00:06
You say slavery is "a great moral evil"
And I cannot vouch for the author's impartiality. - Raising Buchanan 00:05
And I cannot vouch for the author's impartiality.
If you would prefer a more enlightened account of these events, - Raising Buchanan 00:13
If you would prefer a more enlightened account of these even...
Mr. Buchanan's Administration on the Eve of Rebellion? - Raising Buchanan 00:08
Mr. Buchanan's Administration on the Eve of Rebellion?
You've made an enormous mistake, Miss Kiesling. - Raising Buchanan 00:04
You've made an enormous mistake, Miss Kiesling.
You will spend a significant portion of your remaining years in a federal penitentiary. - Raising Buchanan 00:06
You will spend a significant portion of your remaining years...