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Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Comedian Rob Schneider gives viewers a look at his family and personal life through humorous anecdotes about potty training his young daughters as well as his own pig potential and a surprise duet performance with his daughter.

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Tyler Spindel

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Raw filet mignon. There you go.
Raw filet mi..." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Raw filet mignon. There you go. Raw filet mi..."

You cook it. You cook it. You cook it." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

You cook it. You cook it. You cook it."

[audience roars with laughter] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience roars with laughter]

Yeah, yeah, you suck it!
You suck it! You suck it! - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Yeah, yeah, you suck it! You suck it! You suck it!

Then come over this room.
You fuck yourself hard, this room. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Then come over this room. You fuck yourself hard, this room.

Oh, huh-huh!
You get your money's worth, this room. Oh! - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Oh, huh-huh! You get your money's worth, this room. Oh!

Then you come over here,
you take a shower, then get the fuck out. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Then you come over here, you take a shower, then get the fuc...

We have other customer." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

We have other customer."

[soft piano playing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[soft piano playing]

Some things were conveniently forgotten
during this whole episode, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Some things were conveniently forgotten during this whole ep...

- pigs, you know.
- [audience laughing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

- pigs, you know. - [audience laughing]

If my wife said to me, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

If my wife said to me,

I've been to Starbucks.
I've looked down at the end of the line. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

I've been to Starbucks. I've looked down at the en...

I've seen a nice-looking girl
with exposed cleavage, thought to myself, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

I've seen a nice-looking girl with exposed cleavage, th...

To be able to order a cappuccino - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

To be able to order a cappuccino

[audience laughing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience laughing]

I'm gonna sell out every guy in the room.
Sorry, I'm gonna do it. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

I'm gonna sell out every guy in the room. Sorry, I'...

Ladies, the guy you're with now, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Ladies, the guy you're with now,

The first time the person you're hoping
to spend the rest your life with, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

The first time the person you're hoping to spend the re...

If he could've just had sex
and went home, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

If he could've just had sex and went home,

He loves you now for you,
'cause you're amazing. You are! - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

He loves you now for you, 'cause you're amazing. Y...

And if a relationship happens, fuck it,
they'll deal with it, okay? - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

And if a relationship happens, fuck it, they'll deal wi...

They just end up in it,
they don't even know how it happened. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

They just end up in it, they don't even know how it hap...

[audience laughing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience laughing]

Are you hanging your shit up in my closet?
Is that what you're doing? - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Are you hanging your shit up in my closet? Is that what you&...

I thought I was just fucking her." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

I thought I was just fucking her."

And if sex happens, fuck it,
they'll deal with it. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

And if sex happens, fuck it, they'll deal with it.

[audience roars with laughter] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience roars with laughter]

I am looking at you. I'm looking at you.
I am looking at you. I am looking... - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

I am looking at you. I'm looking at you. I am looking a...

Oh, that was disgusting! Oh, my God!" - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Oh, that was disgusting! Oh, my God!"

"Where's the dick?" - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

"Where's the dick?"

Shit. Missed... missed it again." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Shit. Missed... missed it again."

[chuckling] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

They say, like, "Okay,
I'm really crazy attracted to her. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

They say, like, "Okay, I'm really crazy attracted ...

[audience laughing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience laughing]

I saw your phone!
Who are you fucking in Park City?" - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

I saw your phone! Who are you fucking in Park City?"

I have no idea who I am." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

I have no idea who I am."

You know, and they do that
by how crazy attracted they are to you. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

You know, and they do that by how crazy attracted they are t...

They just wanna be with a woman
that drives them crazy, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

They just wanna be with a woman that drives them crazy,

People tell me all the time, "Hey, Rob,
your wife's way too beautiful for you." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

People tell me all the time, "Hey, Rob, your wife'...

[audience laughing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience laughing]

People like to hear that.
"Oh, what a beautiful child! Beautiful." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

People like to hear that. "Oh, what a beautiful child! ...

[audience laughing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience laughing]

Keep her for a little while." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Keep her for a little while."

And then a guy jumps in that relationship. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

And then a guy jumps in that relationship.

Now, here's an interesting thing
about guys, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Now, here's an interesting thing about guys,

If a guy's with a woman that he feels - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

If a guy's with a woman that he feels

However, weird thing is,
if a guy's with a woman - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

However, weird thing is, if a guy's with a woman

The guy's like, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

The guy's like,

Well! [chuckling] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Well! [chuckling]

I don't need sleep.
You married a strong guy." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

I don't need sleep. You married a strong guy."

Well, looks like
you're gonna have to walk, bitch. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Well, looks like you're gonna have to walk, bitch.

[audience roars with laughter] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience roars with laughter]

Maybe on your walk home, you figure out
where you left your goddamn car keys! - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Maybe on your walk home, you figure out where you left your ...

I'm at work right now!" - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

I'm at work right now!"

- [audience laughing]
- [chuckles] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

- [audience laughing] - [chuckles]

If it's a guy who feels the same level
of attractiveness as the woman he's with, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

If it's a guy who feels the same level of attractivenes...

- That was fucking dumb, wasn't it?
- [audience laughing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

- That was fucking dumb, wasn't it? - [audience laughin...

They're not gonna call the parent
that fucking left them there. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

They're not gonna call the parent that fucking left the...

I'm at work right now!" - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

I'm at work right now!"

I love you." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

If it's a guy who feels about the same
level of attractiveness as his wife, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

If it's a guy who feels about the same level of attract...

[audience roars with laughter] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience roars with laughter]

I love you." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience laughing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience laughing]

It's tough when you marry somebody
younger than you - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

It's tough when you marry somebody younger than you

After, uh... two years of being married,
my wife said to me, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

After, uh... two years of being married, my wife said to me,

Losing more of my youth, my youth,
my youth. Bye-bye, youth. Bye." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Losing more of my youth, my youth, my youth. Bye-bye, youth....

Get over the hump, then go,
'Thank God we hung in there.' - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Get over the hump, then go, 'Thank God we hung in there...

But it's no better, no mejor.
Why am I hanging in there, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

But it's no better, no mejor. Why am I hanging in there...

Five years. [puffs]
Thank God I didn't quit, you know?" - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Five years. [puffs] Thank God I didn't quit, you know?&...

It's no mejor. It's no mejor.
Why am I hanging in there? - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

It's no mejor. It's no mejor. Why am I hanging in ...

More of my youth. Bye-bye, youth, youth,
youth, youth, youth, youth, youth." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

More of my youth. Bye-bye, youth, youth, youth, youth, youth...

You can find another guy, easy.
You're beautiful, brilliant, incredible. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

You can find another guy, easy. You're beautiful, brill...

You're gonna have the same relationship
with him that you had with me, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

You're gonna have the same relationship with him that y...

My youth! My youth! Blah, blah' - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

My youth! My youth! Blah, blah'

You're brilliant, beautiful, incredible.
You'll find another guy like that. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

You're brilliant, beautiful, incredible. You'll fi...

Then you're gonna have
the same relationship with him - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Then you're gonna have the same relationship with him

Or you could realize - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Or you could realize

I can make you happier.
I can't make you happy. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

I can make you happier. I can't make you happy.

All right? Maybe you didn't realize
Prince Charming is gonna look like me, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

All right? Maybe you didn't realize Prince Charming is ...

- [audience laughing]
- [chuckling] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

- [audience laughing] - [chuckling]

Read a woman, you know?
Listen to what she says. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Read a woman, you know? Listen to what she says.

Don't do what she says,
'cause she doesn't mean that, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Don't do what she says, 'cause she doesn't me...

'Cause women speak in code, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

'Cause women speak in code,

I'd have to put my pants on." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

I'd have to put my pants on."

[audience laughing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience laughing]

[audience roars with laughter] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience roars with laughter]

[audience laughing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience laughing]

Turn the heat down
a little bit, a bit, a bit?" - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Turn the heat down a little bit, a bit, a bit?"

Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Comedian Rob Schneider gives viewers a look at his family and personal life through humorous anecdotes about potty training his young daughters as well as his own pig potential and a surprise duet performance with his daughter.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Tyler Spindel

Writer: N/A

Production: N/A

Genre: comedy

Year: 2020

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: 5.5

BoxOffice: N/A

Released: 11 Aug 2020

Awards: N/A

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