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Now I'm not saying I've never driven drunk
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Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up

Now I'm not sayingI've never driven drunk, because I've drank so much in my life, now on...

Now I'm not saying
I've never driven drunk, because I've drank so much in my life, now on the back of my driver's license, there's a list of organs I need

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.377
Now I'm not saying I've never driven drunk,
00:00:03.795 --> 00:00:06.047
because I've drank so much in my life,
00:00:06.013 --> 00:00:08.508
now on the back of my driver's license,
00:00:08.591 --> 00:00:11.093
there's a list of organs I need.
Duration
11 seconds
Views
41
Timestamp in Movie
00:05:27
Uploaded
Jun 22, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
Taillight TV

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Movie Summary

Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese.
I was in Melbourne, Florida, one time and I was driving a rental car, - Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 00:07
I was in Melbourne, Florida, one time and I was driving a re...
And I'm driving, and I look ahead, - Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 00:05
And I'm driving, and I look ahead,
"Fuck..." - Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 00:06
"Fuck..."
And I get up there and the cop goes, - Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 00:08
And I get up there and the cop goes,
You pour that much Scotch on a tongue, - Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 00:06
You pour that much Scotch on a tongue,
He goes, "Well, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer," - Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 00:06
He goes, "Well, I need you to blow into this breathalyz...
I'm not, and I'll tell you why, - Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 00:17
I'm not, and I'll tell you why,
That's an agility test, and I'm not very goddamn agile, all right? - Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 00:06
That's an agility test, and I'm not very goddamn a...
I'm not, and it's not fair to me, - Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 00:05
I'm not, and it's not fair to me,
I'm not a 21-year-old, puking cheap tequila through my nose. - Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 00:05
I'm not a 21-year-old, puking cheap tequila through my ...
I'm a 61-year-old raging alcoholic, motherfucker." - Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 00:09
I'm a 61-year-old raging alcoholic, motherfucker."
We go back to O'Leary's Pub where this whole fucking thing started. - Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 00:05
We go back to O'Leary's Pub where this whole fucki...
If you can beat me at darts, you can take me to fucking jail, how about that? - Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 00:05
If you can beat me at darts, you can take me to fucking jail...
I got to go this year for the first time in my career to do stand-up in Europe, and I did shows in Amsterdam, Edinburgh, Scotland, and London. - Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 00:04
I got to go this year for the first time in my career to do ...
And when I was in Edinburgh, - Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 00:06
And when I was in Edinburgh,
Not because they try to say something funny. It's just the words they say, whatever the fuck they say just cracks me the fuck up. - Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 00:04
Not because they try to say something funny. It's just ...
So I'm having breakfast in this restaurant - Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 00:08
So I'm having breakfast in this restaurant
I only have the room key. I left everything in my room, - Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 00:06
I only have the room key. I left everything in my room,
I'll get some money. I'll come back over and pay you." - Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 00:09
I'll get some money. I'll come back over and pay y...
And I did these shows in London, - Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 00:05
And I did these shows in London,