Where's Hamlet? Gone! Gone, where? The pirates took him. But they can't! We're supposed to...

Guildenstern: Where's Hamlet? Rosencrantz: Gone! Guildenstern: Gone, where? Rosencrantz: The pirates took him. Guildenstern: But they can't! We're supposed to be... We've got a letter which says... The whole thing's pointless without him. We need Hamlet for our release! Rosencrantz: I'll pretend to be... *You* pretend to be him, and... Right. [pauses] Rosencrantz: I suppose we just go on. Guildenstern: Go where? Rosencrantz: England? Guildenstern: England. I don't believe it! Rosencrantz: What, just a conspiracy of cartographers, you mean? Guildenstern: [grabs Rosencrantz] I *mean* I don't believe it! And even if it's true, what do we say? Rosencrantz: We say, "We've arrived!" The Player: [as King of England] Who are you? Rosencrantz: We are Guildenstern & Rosencrantz. The Player: [as King] Which is which? Rosencrantz: Well, I'm Guildenstern. Guildenstern: And he's Rosencrantz. Rosencrantz: Exactly. The Player: [as King] What does this have to do with me? You turn up out of the blue with some cock-and-bull story... Guildenstern: We have a letter. [presents letter] The Player: [as King] A letter? [chuckles, takes letter] The Player: Hm. [reading] The Player: As England is Denmark's faithful tributary. As love between them, like the palm might flourish, et cetera, that on the knowing of these contents, without delay of any kind, should those bearers, Rosencrantz & Guildenstern, put to sudden death. Rosencrantz: Not that letter. Give him the other one. Guildenstern: I haven't got another one. The Player: [shrugs, then yells to Tragedians] They're gone! It's all over! Guildenstern: Where we went wrong, was getting on a boat.