I couldn't wait any longer, so I went out and made my own fortune. The old fart hung in...

[first lines] Sam Stone:
Carol, did I ever tell you why I married her? Carol:
Yes, Sam, you told me many, many... Sam Stone:
Her father was very, very rich, and very, very sick. The doctors assured me he'd be dead any minute. There wasn't a second to lose! I rushed right out and married the boss's daughter. He was so sick, it was like the Angel of Death was sitting in the room with him, watching the clock. They pulled the plug on him... he wheezed and shook for about an hour... and then... he stabilized. The son-of-a-bitch just got older and sicker. And older, and sicker, and older and sicker...! Waiter:
More coffee, sir? Sam Stone:
No! [the waiter leaves] Sam Stone:
I couldn't wait any longer, so I went out and made my own fortune. The old fart hung in there for 15 years. Finally died of natural causes. I want the rest of that money! His money, her money, it's my money!