THIS IS A PIECE OF WOOD

Dr. Arthur Neuman: [Reffering to the mask, which Stanley brought in]
I'm talking about the mythology, Mr. Ipkiss. This is a piece of wood .

[Gillon just lost]

John Gillon: [to a man in his way]
Do you mind? I just lost this whole piece-of-shit town!
[someone takes his picture]

John Gillon: Now there's a picture worth about a WORD!
[gr...

Pete: [attempting to teach Tad how to chop wood with an ax]
Ok... So... The trick is to take a full swing so as to as to split the log in one swift...
[Tad removes his shirt and reveals a muscular ch...

Hollywood Montrose: [to Jonathan]
You know I would never bother you when you're getting a piece

Brother Swan: [Taunting Cage's bound character]
Take a good look, you worthless piece of human excrement! This is the tainted blade of the Pale Night, straight from the Abyssal Lair.

Felix Ungar: Where's my suitcase?
Oscar Madison: Your suitcase? In the trunk.
Felix Ungar: No.
Oscar Madison: No?
Felix Ungar: No.
Oscar Madison: Did you look good?
Felix Ungar: [holds his arms ...

Jessica Wood - Woody's Daughter:
Any last piece of advice, Dad?
Detective James Wood: The way I see it, you got a couple of choices here.
[Jessica laughs]

Priest: Who gives this woman to be joined ...

Polly: [She holds up the spoon she had been using to feed the baby]
Spoon!
David Merlin: B, take a spoonful of the food and place it upon a piece of gauze... Piece of gauze?
Polly: What for?
David Merlin: Uh, please, just do as he says. It's quite possible that man with 20 years experience might know what he's talking about.

Joey Gazelle: You know... I used to know this kid. His old man was a real fucking piece of shit. Always drunk. Always smacking him and his mom around. This kid... he takes his licks and he waits this ...

[Marty eats a piece of bread]

Marty Rossen: Mm, this is good. Have you tried it?

No more mail through this letterbox!
[Harry opens the door to see Vernon drilling a piece of wood through the mail slot to stop any letters coming in]

Steven Grlscz: The line that separates good and evil cuts through every human heart. And who is willing to destroy a piece of their own heart?

Tanner: You have a donkey to sell?
Boy: [nervously]
His-his name is Small One.
Tanner: [inspecting Small One's hide]
One piece of silver.
Boy: Will you take good care of him?
Tanner: [sneers]
I on...

Rob: [as the riot police close in]
Nice party buddy.
[points to a flaming tree in his front yard]

Rob: You owe me a fucking tree!
Costa: All we were trying to do was have a good time you cocksuckin...

Goldmember: [picking skin off his back]
Oh yesh. Yesh yesh yesh yesh. This is a keeper.
Dr. Evil: Alright, you're not going to put that skin in your mouth, are you?
Goldmember: [eats piece of skin]
...

Chuck Lane: [during a litigation meeting]
We've read through all the pieces now, the entire staff, and we've come up with a list of those whose facts and sources we couldn't verify independently. I kn...

Rear Admiral Yancy Graham: Now, call me a prude if you want, but I don't think it's good policy for the Navy to hand over a billion-dollar piece of equipment to a man who has "Welcome Aboard" tattooed...

[pokes the man with his sharp cane]

The Masochist: I am a piece

Restaurant Manager: [Selby is smoking at a restaurant]
This is a no-smoking area. You're gonna have to put the cigarette out.
Aileen: What are you doin, man, you gonna sing us a song or what?
Restau...

Dr. Evil: [Dr. Evil is introducing his henchmen]
Patty O'Brien: ex-Irish assassin. His trademark?
[Patty O'Brien is shown wearing a bracelet with trinkets on it]

Dr. Evil: A superstitious man, he le...

Ellie Burr: A good cop can't sleep because he's missing a piece of the puzzle. And a bad cop can't sleep because his conscience won't let him.

Lloyd Christmas: This is the life... cold beer, a hot tub and paper-thin walls. There's only one thing that could make this moment any better.
Harry Dunne: What's that?
Lloyd Christmas: If you had a...

Hannah Gadsby: Pretty much, it's like, "I have a piece

is a piece of

Gill: [at night, Gill and Rae are in the front-seat of his pickup truck; Rae is totally drunk and about to pass out]
This thing you got... I've heard people say you'd fuck a tree if it was handy. I ca...

Marcee Tidwell: [shouting at Jerry in his office]
What do you stand for?
Dorothy: How about a little piece of integrity in this world that is so full of greed and a lack of honorability that I don't ...

Dr. Han Suyin: Oh, how good it is to know a man who doesn't live his life measuring time in bits and pieces. I like it so much.

[Wells cocks his gun]

Wells: Yeah, well, this gives me better piece of mind, sir.
Ryan: You want piece of mind? Run for your lives before they tear your legs from under you.
Wells: Now you just shu...

D-Fens' Mother: Sometimes he sits through an entire meal without saying a word. He just shovels food into his mouth like a machine. I get so nervous... I can't swallow. I'll sit there with the same pi...

Elsa: What've you got there?
Jeremy: The Gutenberg Bible. It was in the Rare Books Room.
Elsa: Think God's gonna save you?
Jeremy: No. I don't believe in God.
Elsa: You're holding on to that Bible...

This is Rick...
Rick: [continuing]
I was gripping a piece of wood and I grabbed it here and it hit a knot...
Michael Moore: [narrating off-screen]
He sawed off the tops of two of his fingers.

Mrs. Copperbottom: Honey?
Mr. Copperbottom: What?
Mrs. Copperbottom: What's that extr a piece ?
Mr. Copperbottom: Oh. Oh, no, they always put in an extra...
[Takes a good look at the piece]

Hawkeye Pierce: Frank Burns does not know his way around an operating theater, he does not know his way around a body. And if you will have observed anything, you will have observed that Major Frank B...

Bo Catlett: Now, be looking. The man over to your right in the blue wool shirt?
[Yayo looks to his left]

Bo Catlett: The other way. Derecho! That's a federal officer, most likely DEA. He moves his l...

[Spike is on a chandelier]

Crowley: Oh, incidentally, Spike, nice of you to drop in. Ha ha ha ha... Ah... that's funny.
[He hacks, with his axe, the rope that holds up the chandelier, and Spike fall...

[giving his father-of-the-bridegroom speech at Tim and Mary's wedding]

Dad: I'd only give one piece of advice to anyone marrying. We're all quite similar in the end. We all get old and tell the same ...

Stephen Glass: [Speaking to Mrs. Duke's students]
I'd like to pause for a moment. You can't really go into the world of journalism without first understanding how a piece

Victor Ray: [hands Clark a fake passport]
Is that a piece of work or what?
Clark Kellogg: What is this? "Rodolfo Lasparri"?

Cheyenne: What do you call yourselves?
Steven: The Pieces of Shit.
Cheyenne: That's a really good choice.
Steven: You're fuckin' right it is, yeah! It took us 6 months to come up with it, besides i...

Goddard (Jimmy's voice): [after Ooblar pulled a peice off of Goddard; Jimmy speaks through Goddard]
Danger! Danger! You have initiated self-destruct sequence alpha.
Ooblar: [putting Goddard's piece b...

Judge Laura Burch: [while in her office]
I can't supersede the penal code you've already got him in solitary confinement, if he gets a descent paralegal he'll be out of there by next week
Jonas Cantr...

[Buzz attacks Woody, knocking them both out of the open car door]

Woody: Okay, come on. You want a piece of me?

Charlie Carbone: [in an airplane]
Hey Louis, how much time do we got left?
Louis Booker: 14 hours.
Charlie Carbone: When is the food coming? I'm starving.
Louis Booker: Don't even worry about that....

[Frankie is possessed by Father Alameida]

Frankie: Jesus said... the Kingdom of God is inside you, and all around you, not in mansions of wood and stone. Split a piece of wood... and I am there, lift a stone... and you will find me.

a piece

a piece of pie?
John L. Sullivan: No thanks, kid.

John Adams: The Congress is waiting on you, Chase! America is waiting! The whole world is waiting!
[taking a morsel of food]

John Adams: What's that, kidney?
Samuel Chase: [slapping his hand away]
...

Mrs. Forrester: Your daughter has somehow got the idea that... well, I understand it, of course... any girl wants to get married, but Ted had no such thing in mind. I want that made clear.
Mildred Pi...

Red: Spivey! Jacques! Let's get the hell out of here!
Spivey: Come on!
[he slides down the ladder and then kicks a piece of wood]

Jacques: AU REVOIR!

Bill: I was just admiring your sword. Quite a piece of work. Speaking of which, how is Hanzo-san?
The Bride: He's good.
Bill: Has his sushi gotten any better?

Dustin: Dude, let's go.
Matt: Whoa-ho! Dude, I might not get a piece of Jimmy Wilson, but he sure got a piece of me!

Hawkins: Local cops got a tip about a warehouse last night. Turned up 500 keys of Colombian pure, couple of stiffs, and a little bit of piece of what used to be Killifer.
James Bond: Good. At least s...

Creedy: What do I get out of this deal?
V: Me.
[V offers him a piece of chalk]

V: If you accept, put an "x" on your front door.

[Dipsy gets a piece of beef jerky out]

Dipsy: Anyone?

Dawg: [grabs Morgan by the jaw]
Morgan... In sweet memory of you bouncing on my knee as a little girl... I'll give you one chance of me stealing your daddy's piece of the map.
Morgan Adams: [curtly]
...

Col. Steve Van Dyke: [alone together in a hospital room]
If a big, friendly power like the Russians tells me they never heard of Corporal Learherby, that's good enough for me. Now will you run along a...

Glenn Field Controller: Dr Grant, Dr Pierce, can you hear me?
Dr. Tony Grant: Loud and clear.
Glenn Field Controller: Paul. Greg. Brad. Now this is a tough assignment. And if this mission is success...

Owen: All your costumes are just participation in some kind of phoney theater. I'm only telling you this for your own good. It's a freak show.
Margaret: Oh, are you trying to say that your blue jeans...

Sam: What we need is a few good taters.
Gollum: What's taters, precious? What's taters, eh?
Sam: *Po-tay-toes!* Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew... Lovely big golden chips with a nice piece o...

Captain DeVriess: Disappointed they assigned you to a minesweeper, Keith?
Ensign Willie Keith: Well, sir, to be honest, yes, sir.
Captain DeVriess: You saw yourself on a carrier, or a battleship, no...

Minister Kafta: I am sure there must be a planet with a breathable atmosphere somewhere in this sector. The captain could land, drop us off, and get help.
G'Kar: Minister Kafta, this ship is being he...

Rob: [to Costa, as the neighborhood burns]
Great party, buddy! You own me a fucking tree, you piece of shit!
Costa: [screaming]
ALL I WAS DOING WAS HAVING A GOOD TIME, YOU COCK SUCKING MOTHERFUCKER! ...

Barbossa: Do you not know what this is then?
Elizabeth: It's a Pirate Medallion.
Barbossa: It's a piece of treasure of Isla de Muerta.

Grandpa Randolph: Did your mother ever tell you about the Fair Footed Flekk?
Ryan Flynn: No.
Grandpa Randolph: Once upon a time there were three men who decided to climb the tallest mountain in thei...

The junction is 500 meters ahead of you. Then it's a straight run for
1.2 kilometers to the target. That should take 20 minutes to
swim there and 20 minutes back. Comms are good, tracking is good. Rog...

Francis Elroy Duffy, Prisoner: Now Preacher?
The Preacher: You may say your piece now.
Francis Elroy Duffy, Prisoner: You're now looking, for the last time, at the mortal body of Francis Elroy Duffy...

[Linda Peeno speaking before Congress]

Linda Peeno: My name is Linda Peeno. I am here primarily today to make a public confession: In the Spring of 1987, as a physician, I denied a man a necessary op...

Napoleon Dynamite: [Napoleon walks up to Trisha's house to ask her out]
Is Trisha here?
Ilene: Oh, I'm sorry, she's not. She's at a friend's house, right now.
Uncle Rico: [from inside Trisha's house...

Simon McNeal: There is something going on in this house, alright? The first time upstairs, yeah, I faked it. But the second time, that was real. That was something way beyond a few pieces of charcoal....