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Wash your fucking hands
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Schulz Saves America

Wash your fucking hands, cover your fucking mouth, don't eat beef and broccoli and...

Wash your fucking hands, cover your fucking mouth, don't eat beef and broccoli and maintain a social distance of half the gap
between Michael Strahan's teeth

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.543
Wash your fucking hands,
00:00:02.626 --> 00:00:04.044
cover your fucking mouth,
00:00:04.128 --> 00:00:05.504
don't eat beef and broccoli
00:00:05.588 --> 00:00:07.089
and maintain a social distance
00:00:07.172 --> 00:00:09.758
of half the gap between Michael Strahan's teeth.
Duration
10 seconds
Views
25
Timestamp in Movie
00:04:51
Uploaded
May 26, 2025
Season
1
Episode
1
Genres
comedy

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Movie Summary

Comedian Andrew Schulz takes on the year's most divisive topics in this fearlessly unfiltered and irreverent four-part special.
S01 • E04 When it's good versus evil, any action is justified. - Schulz Saves America 00:05
When it's good versus evil, any action is justified.
S01 • E03 So, we agree that peaceful protests are good and looting is bad. - Schulz Saves America 00:05
So, we agree that peaceful protests are good and looting is ...
S01 • E04 Because outrage drives more clicks than a Congolese cabbie. - Schulz Saves America 00:05
Because outrage drives more clicks than a Congolese cabbie.
S01 • E01 Generally, everybody was willing to do it - Schulz Saves America 00:06
Generally, everybody was willing to do it
S01 • E02 Relax. Nobody's spying on you. [chuckles] - Schulz Saves America 00:07
Relax. Nobody's spying on you. [chuckles]
S01 • E03 It is the intentional destruction of property to send a message. - Schulz Saves America 00:04
It is the intentional destruction of property to send a mess...
S01 • E04 The left wants to build social programs to help the poor, - Schulz Saves America 00:08
The left wants to build social programs to help the poor,
S01 • E01 Politicians were trying to save lives, - Schulz Saves America 00:05
Politicians were trying to save lives,
S01 • E03 And by that definition, I agree, it seems wrong. - Schulz Saves America 00:04
And by that definition, I agree, it seems wrong.
S01 • E01 LA mayor and Spirit Airlines stewardess Eric Garcetti - Schulz Saves America 00:11
LA mayor and Spirit Airlines stewardess Eric Garcetti
S01 • E03 I know what you're thinking. "Why can't they just protest peacefully?" - Schulz Saves America 00:06
I know what you're thinking. "Why can't they ...
S01 • E04 Now, how does this completely reasonable dialogue - Schulz Saves America 00:06
Now, how does this completely reasonable dialogue
S01 • E02 But for some reason, we still hadn't lost all the faith in our institutions. - Schulz Saves America 00:05
But for some reason, we still hadn't lost all the faith...
S01 • E03 They protested when Terence Crutcher was killed, - Schulz Saves America 00:05
They protested when Terence Crutcher was killed,
S01 • E04 Well, Fox ménage-à-twats say, - Schulz Saves America 00:14
Well, Fox ménage-à-twats say,
S01 • E02 Jeffrey Epstein, the Capri Sun straw that broke the camel's back. - Schulz Saves America 00:05
Jeffrey Epstein, the Capri Sun straw that broke the camel�...
S01 • E03 If you've never heard of these people, - Schulz Saves America 00:06
If you've never heard of these people,
S01 • E02 This college-quarterback-looking child fucker won the Hymen Trophy - Schulz Saves America 00:07
This college-quarterback-looking child fucker won the Hymen ...
S01 • E01 They arrested a father for playing catch with his daughter. - Schulz Saves America 00:04
They arrested a father for playing catch with his daughter.
S01 • E03 So, if you've exhausted every option of peaceful protest for decades - Schulz Saves America 00:09
So, if you've exhausted every option of peaceful protes...