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Seize Them!

Dark Ages Britain where Queen Dagan is toppled by a revolution led by Humble Joan. The Queen becomes a fugitive in her own land, and must face hardship and danger as she embarks on a voyage to win back her throne.

Director

Curtis Vowell

Year

Genre

comedy, history

Box Office

N/A

Production

DJ Films,Stigma Films

Awards

N/A

Queen Dagan

Leofwine

Alric the Painter

Thane Tostig

Shulmay

Humble Joan

Nicola Coughlan

Young Dagan

King Ivarr

King Guthrum

Bobik

Penda The Rebel

Felix the Ironmonger

Sergeant Maxen

Captain Gildas

Ur-Nammu

Murray McArthur

Queen Fritha

Young Shulmay

Imani Lewinson-Wilson

Witgar the Baker

Hengist the Crier

Osmund the Leather-Maker

Ben Rufus Green

Vortimer the Farmer

Jonathan Gunning

Man-Wolf

Ada

Santanna Murray-Price

Rebel Soldier

Dagan Soldier

Dominic Damesick

Dagan Soldier

Dagan Soldier

GIrl watching puppet show

Fleeing Soldier

GIrl watching puppet show

Darcie Brothers

Rebel

Townsfolk

GIrl watching puppet show

Georgia Brothers

Servant

Samantha Glendinning

Thane

Rebel Soldier

Thomas Greenhaf

Soldier with Mace

Herb Gatherer

Rebel Soldier

Rebel Soldier

Laurence Stafford

Townsfolk

Townspeople

View All Cast

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Explore 249 Clips

I seek no fame, no titles. - Seize Them!

I seek no fame, no titles.

During any change of government, - Seize Them!

During any change of government,

Thanes, I command
you to seize them! - Seize Them!

Thanes, I command you to seize them!

Thanes, you are citizens
of the new commonwealth. - Seize Them!

Thanes, you are citizens of the new commonwealth.

Humble Joan, I challenge
you to single combat. - Seize Them!

Humble Joan, I challenge you to single combat.

If I can fell the tallest oak, - Seize Them!

If I can fell the tallest oak,

Such pretty nails
and such a soft foot. - Seize Them!

Such pretty nails and such a soft foot.

Mum! No! - Seize Them!

Oh, a fighting queen at last! - Seize Them!

Oh, a fighting queen at last!

Oooh, D-D-D-D-D Dagan! - Seize Them!

Oooh, D-D-D-D-D Dagan!

Oh. Oh, titting balls. - Seize Them!

Oh. Oh, titting balls.

A what A privy chute - Seize Them!

A what A privy chute

Shulmay, Shulmay, Shulmay,
Shulmay, Shulmay, Shulmay, - Seize Them!

Shulmay, Shulmay, Shulmay, Shulmay, Shulmay, Shulmay,

The Queen had outwitted
the rebels and escaped. - Seize Them!

The Queen had outwitted the rebels and escaped.

When I was a girl I would watch my father punish traitors - Seize Them!

When I was a girl I would watch my father punish traitors

And then he would
cleave off their arses - Seize Them!

And then he would cleave off their arses

Now, Leofwine, - Seize Them!

For weeks, I feared Leofwine
was playing both sides, - Seize Them!

For weeks, I feared Leofwine was playing both sides,

{\an8}'To Chancellor Leofwine, - Seize Them!

{\an8}'To Chancellor Leofwine,

'By Fingerstone Rock -' - Seize Them!

'By Fingerstone Rock -'

I'm finished - Seize Them!

It said Ivarr and Guthrum - Seize Them!

It said Ivarr and Guthrum

Then they'll muster
armies and longships - Seize Them!

Then they'll muster armies and longships

One hundred and - - Seize Them!

One hundred and -

My Queen, you are conspicuous - Seize Them!

My Queen, you are conspicuous

Why this servant who...
could've slipped away hasn't. - Seize Them!

Why this servant who... could've slipped away hasn'...

And, hey, stop walking
before your Queen! - Seize Them!

And, hey, stop walking before your Queen!

On they walked, with happy
smiles and swelling hearts. - Seize Them!

On they walked, with happy smiles and swelling hearts.

This is my morning song I sing, - Seize Them!

This is my morning song I sing,

Look, any army would have him, - Seize Them!

Look, any army would have him,

- Great.
- I am your Queen, Queen Dagan, - Seize Them!

- Great. - I am your Queen, Queen Dagan,

Noticed, er, lots of people
marching about wearing 'em. - Seize Them!

Noticed, er, lots of people marching about wearing 'em.

No, it is not fashion,
it is revolution. - Seize Them!

No, it is not fashion, it is revolution.

Oh... well, been
nice to meet you. - Seize Them!

Oh... well, been nice to meet you.

Someone clever.
- But we thought - - Seize Them!

Someone clever. - But we thought -

Excuse me. Affairs of
the state (chuckles). - Seize Them!

Excuse me. Affairs of the state (chuckles).

So, we'll walk to
Fingerstone Rock, - Seize Them!

So, we'll walk to Fingerstone Rock,

It's like a puddle,
but much, much wider. - Seize Them!

It's like a puddle, but much, much wider.

And it's salty, like when
you lick your own armpit. - Seize Them!

And it's salty, like when you lick your own armpit.

They all died. In the
great horse plague. - Seize Them!

They all died. In the great horse plague.

There are... countless
different kinds of shit. - Seize Them!

There are... countless different kinds of shit.

Um, you've got your runny shit, - Seize Them!

Um, you've got your runny shit,

- We understand.
- Mouldy shit, mossy shit, - Seize Them!

- We understand. - Mouldy shit, mossy shit,

We can wear sack cloth
and carry powerful spades - Seize Them!

We can wear sack cloth and carry powerful spades

And it was at that
moment Queen Dagan awoke - Seize Them!

And it was at that moment Queen Dagan awoke

It's bad enough having to walk next to a servant - Seize Them!

It's bad enough having to walk next to a servant

- An earl.
- Good, then I'll be an earl. - Seize Them!

- An earl. - Good, then I'll be an earl.

I like the shit and I...
take a great deal of pride - Seize Them!

I like the shit and I... take a great deal of pride

I've always fancied being,
um, one of those rich fellas. - Seize Them!

I've always fancied being, um, one of those rich fellas...

Bobik is strong, and
has skills we don't. - Seize Them!

Bobik is strong, and has skills we don't.

Bobik, you may journey with us, - Seize Them!

Bobik, you may journey with us,

And so, the two became three. - Seize Them!

And so, the two became three.

Once, I spoke peasant all day, - Seize Them!

Once, I spoke peasant all day,

'Shall I milk your herd
for you, kind Sir?' - Seize Them!

'Shall I milk your herd for you, kind Sir?'

We're off to meet
some kings and - oh. - Seize Them!

We're off to meet some kings and - oh.

Say, 'I am not Bobik.' - Seize Them!

Say, 'I am not Bobik.'

I am... n... not Bobik. - Seize Them!

I am... n... not Bobik.

Okay, but don't puff
your cheeks out, - Seize Them!

Okay, but don't puff your cheeks out,

It is very plain
that's what we are. - Seize Them!

It is very plain that's what we are.

Yes, all day, just
shovelling away. - Seize Them!

Yes, all day, just shovelling away.

Can't tempt you with this
lovely little shit pan, - Seize Them!

Can't tempt you with this lovely little shit pan,

They say Humble Joan
has some sort of dust - Seize Them!

They say Humble Joan has some sort of dust

Like, if I were to
compose a ranking list - Seize Them!

Like, if I were to compose a ranking list

This way is east, isn't it?
- Last place is either Dagan or- - Seize Them!

This way is east, isn't it? - Last place is either Daga...

Mute all his sad life, - Seize Them!

Mute all his sad life,

Oh, hey, if you're heading
east, beware a certain forest. - Seize Them!

Oh, hey, if you're heading east, beware a certain fores...

I should be sitting at my desk - Seize Them!

I should be sitting at my desk

Socialising, giving
orders. Mmm... - Seize Them!

Socialising, giving orders. Mmm...

All day, all night, another day. - Seize Them!

All day, all night, another day.

Oh, my toes, they look
like boxers' eyelids! - Seize Them!

Oh, my toes, they look like boxers' eyelids!

I'm-I'm rancid. I'm rotting. - Seize Them!

I'm-I'm rancid. I'm rotting.

My royal body requires
a palace to rest in. - Seize Them!

My royal body requires a palace to rest in.

Harsh as a lion, she
tramples her foes, - Seize Them!

Harsh as a lion, she tramples her foes,

Alright, if you must, but
it doesn't matter to me. - Seize Them!

Alright, if you must, but it doesn't matter to me.

Though she's proved
elusive so far, - Seize Them!

Though she's proved elusive so far,

When I was a girl, I found
myself with no family, - Seize Them!

When I was a girl, I found myself with no family,

So, I banged my little
fists on the citadel gates - Seize Them!

So, I banged my little fists on the citadel gates

One night I'm sent
to fetch his dinner, - Seize Them!

One night I'm sent to fetch his dinner,

So, he gives an order to
feed me to his wolves. - Seize Them!

So, he gives an order to feed me to his wolves.

His wife, Queen Fritha,
bargained for my life. - Seize Them!

His wife, Queen Fritha, bargained for my life.

And she said - - Seize Them!

So, I'll save her daughter, - Seize Them!

So, I'll save her daughter,

This is my morning song I sing, - Seize Them!

This is my morning song I sing,

Lowly you may be, - Seize Them!

Lowly you may be,

King Ivarr, King Guthrum. - Seize Them!

King Ivarr, King Guthrum.

I'll marry one of them to bind
the alliance and make an heir. - Seize Them!

I'll marry one of them to bind the alliance and make an...

Guthrum's warriors could
lay waste to whole shires, - Seize Them!

Guthrum's warriors could lay waste to whole shires,

They both sound delightful, - Seize Them!

They both sound delightful,

And all the while, the traitor,
Leofwine, pursued them. - Seize Them!

And all the while, the traitor, Leofwine, pursued them.

Why just eat when we can feast? - Seize Them!

Why just eat when we can feast?

Seize Them! poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Dark Ages Britain where Queen Dagan is toppled by a revolution led by Humble Joan. The Queen becomes a fugitive in her own land, and must face hardship and danger as she embarks on a voyage to win back her throne.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Curtis Vowell

Writer: Andy Riley

Production: DJ Films,Stigma Films

Genre: comedy, history

Year: 2024

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: 5.1

BoxOffice: N/A

Released: 05 Apr 2024

Awards: N/A

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