Ian, you're 18 and you've never had a girlfriend. That's how...
Ian, you're 18 and you've never had a girlfriend. That's how people wind up getting gay, you know?
I don't think that's really how it happens.
Tell me how it happens expert, ya cock expert, ya cockspert. Hey, what do you like better the shaft or the balls?
You like em both don't you. It's like, sometimes tuesday you want the big, old, shiny-ass cock. Wednesdays and Thursdays you're onto the balls.
I don't know what you're talking about.
You can't choose can you? Thats a tough one. You love it. You're obsessed with it.
No, you are, your talking about it.
Why are you smiling at me, I'm serious. Don't fucking smile at me, I'll knock you out of the god damn earth. What does it taste like? What's it like when you take your mouth off of it and its like, you can see your reflection in that fucking cock. Smack you in the face a little bit, you don't like that?
I don't eat...
Just like shiny, fucking stiff, throbbing, hot vascular mushroom head.
Look, every guy has a fantasy about another guy, but you gotta bury that shit way down, this is America, goddammit.
There is, there is a girl. That I've been kinda...
Alright, I'm listening, where'd you meet her?
Um, on the, online.
[Slams car breaks on]
What? For fuck's sake Ian, don't you watch "Dateline"? She's probably a guy. Some fat, old dude who wants to ram you in the tailpipe.
But you'd love that wouldn't you, 'cause you're a homo!
lan, you're 1 8,
and you've never had a girlfriend.
That's how people wind up getting gay,
l don't think that's really how it happens.
ls that not how it happens?
So tell me how it happens, expert.
Fucking cock expert. Cockspert.
Hey, what do you like better,
the shaft or the balls?
-You like them both, don't you?
lt's like, sometimes like, Tuesdays you want
the big, old fucking shiny-ass cock,
and Wednesdays and Thursdays
you're on to the balls.
-l don't know why you're talking about it.
-You can't choose, can you?
That's a tough one.
You love it and you're obsessed with it.
No, you are. You keep talking about it.
Why're you smiling at me? l'm serious.
Don't fucking smile at me. You know
l'll knock you out of this goddamn earth.
What does it taste like?
Like, right when you take your mouth off
and it's like kind of
like you can almost see your reflection
in that fucking cock.
Smack you in the face with it a little bit.
-You don't like that?
-l don't eat...
Just cut. Just like, shiny fucking stiff,
hot vascular mushroom head.
Look, every guy's got a fantasy
about another guy,
but you got to bury that shit way down.
This is America, God damn it.
There is a girl that l've been kind of...
All right, l'm listening.
Where'd you meet her?
On the... Online.
What? For fuck's sake, lan,
don't you watch Dateline?
She's probably a guy. Some fat old dude
who wants to ram you in the tailpipe.
But you'd love that, wouldn't you?
'Cause you're a homo.
Hey, lan. Try not to come home any gayer
than you are now.
Seriously, though. You're a fag.
Hey, don't look at me like that.
l'll punch you in the goddamn throat.
(GOT YOU PLAYlNG)
What's your favorite song?
Maybe we could hum along
Well, I think you're smart,
you sweet thing
Tell me your name,
I'm dying here
Got you where I want you
-Hey, Becca. How are you?
-l'm good. l'm fine. Whatever.
(CHUCKLlNG) Hey, Becca.
Looks like you had a long, nasty night.
-Ron and lan want the four-one-uno.
-Whatever. You guys are gross.
-l'm not gross. l didn't say anything.
-Okay, who's going on coupon rounds?
-No, Becca, l did it yesterday.
l love you so much.
Hello. This is a coupon for six free...
No? Okay. Sorry. Donuts? No.
-Six free donuts with the Bandito's Dozen.
You're welcome. Sorry.
Excuse me. Do you know where the Gap is?
-lt's just past the movie theater.
Yeah, real funny.