Komly
Stainer: Okay, anyway... I love Kirky, but let's face it, the guy's a five. Devon: Stainer, that's just a dirty pool. He's at least a six. Stainer: A six? Alright you go ahead and pump rainbows into
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Okay, anyway... I love Kirky, but let's face it, the guy's a...

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Stainer:
Okay, anyway... I love Kirky, but let's face it, the guy's a five.
Devon:
Stainer, that's just a dirty pool. He's at least a six.
Stainer:
A six? Alright you go ahead and pump rainbows into his asshole. I'm just being honest.
Jack:
Come on, cut him some slack. Look. Half a point cause he's a nice guy. Right? And he's funny, so that's half a point each. That brings him to six. Devon's right.
Stainer:
But he drives a shitbox, deduct a point. Take a point off.
Kirk:
Wait, what's wrong with my Neon?
Stainer:
Oh, I don't know, except the people who make that car don't even like it. So, we're back to a five.
Jack:
Five.
Stainer:
Meanwhile, this Molly, is a hard ten. And that five point disparity, that's a chasm. Chasm? Chasm. You can't jump more than two points.
Kirk:
Where do you get this shit?
Stainer:
Trust me, Kirk. I can't even get a ten.
Jack:
[chuckles]
Oh. Not even you, huh?
Stainer:
I'm a six! OK?
Jack:
Bullshit, you're a six. Then what am I?
Stainer:
You're an eight.
Jack:
OK, you're a six then.
Stainer:
But I get a one point bump cause I'm in a band.
Kirk:
Stainer, you're in a Hall and Oats cover band. I'm pretty sure that's a deduction.
Stainer:
Adult Education is a tribute band. So that puts me back at seven. On a good day, the best I can bag is a nine.
Kirk:
What about your crappy car?
Stainer:
Artist's exemption. I'm expected to have a shitty car.
Jack:
Is there an artist exemption for talking out your ass?
Stainer:
Yeah, it's called being a rock star, Jack! Look it up in the dictionary. It's right next to "fuck you!"
Devon:
I think this system's ridiculous. All right? If someone really loves you, then you are a ten.
Jack:
My God. What are you... Are you Hannah Montanna? Because nothing you are saying right now is of any help to Kirk.

Transcript:
OK, anyway... I love Kirky,
but let's face it, the guy's a five.
Stainer, that's just dirty pool.
He's at least a six.
A six? You go ahead and
pump rainbows into his asshole,
- but I'm just being honest.
- Come on, cut him some slack. Look.
Half a point 'cause
he's a nice guy. Right?
And he's funny, so that's half
a point each. That brings him to six.
Devon's right.
But he drives a shitbox, deduct a point.
- Take a point off.
- What's wrong with my Neon?
I don't know. Except the people
that make that car don't even like it.
- So we're back to a five.
- Five.
Meanwhile, this Molly is a hard ten.
And that five point disparity,
that is a chasm.
- Chasm?
- Yeah.
Chasm. You can't jump
more than two points.
Where do you get this shit?
Trust me, Kirk.
I can't even get a ten.
- Oh, not even you, huh?
- I'm a six, OK?
Bullshit, you're a six!
Then what am I?
- You're an eight.
- OK, fine, you're a six then.
But I get a one point bump
'cause I'm in a band.
Stainer, you're in a
Hall and Oates cover band!
- I'm pretty sure that's a deduction.
- Adult Education is a tribute band.
So that puts me back at a seven.
On a good day,
the best I can bag is a nine.
- What about your crappy car?
- Artist's exemption.
I'm expected to have a shitty car.
Is there an artist's exemption
for talkin' out your ass?
Yeah. It's called
bein' a rock star, Jack.
Look it up in the dictionary.
It's there. Next to "Fuck you!"
Guys, I think this system's ridiculous.
All right? If someone really loves you,
then you are a ten.
My God. What, are...
Are you Hannah Montana?
Because nothing you're saying
right now is of any help to Kirk.
What?!
Hello? Hello! Hey, Molly.
I'm well, thank you. How are you?
First of all, thank you. Yeah,
it was great. It was incredible.
Thank you so much. No...
Kirky, what'd she say?
I think she just asked me out.
Yeah! Way to go, Kirkers!
Hey, did she say anything, you know,
about Wendy thinkin' I'm hot?
- Oh, no.
- Shoot. I wonder if she's on Facebook.
- Devon, you're on Facebook?
- Yeah. I got like 37 friends.
Oh, cool.
Moll, what about this
for your date tonight?
Katie, that's the most
disgusting thing I've ever seen.
Wait. You have a date with Kirk?
When do you want the
bad date bail-out call?
I don't want it.
No, seriously,
work emergency or aunt died?
- I'm not gonna need it.
- Whatever.
What is your problem with Kirk?
I don't have a problem with Kirk.
I have a problem with you dating Kirk.
Why?
You dated Cam and got hurt, so you
pick a guy like Kirk because he's safe.
Yeah. Or maybe because
he's just a nice guy.
He's great. I just...
You and I know he's not the
kind of guy you usually end up with.
Yeah, I know.
Ah, goddamn it.
Way to go. What happened to you?
You look like shit. Besides that.
I got, like, 30 minutes
of sleep last night.
What do I even say to Molly tonight?
Like, what, do I just talk about
her ridiculous hotness for two hours?
I don't know. You were
pretty smooth at the hockey game.
Thanks, man. Well, that's because
I didn't think I stood a chance in hell,
but now that she's asked me out
I don't get it. It boggles my mind.
Why would she ask me out?
- Are you dying?
- What?
You maybe have some
rich benefactor in a top hat
who's trying to
set you up before you die.
Like Great Expectations.
Have you read that book?
- Yeah, man.
- It's so weird!

Clip duration: 239 seconds
Views: 58
Timestamp in movie: 00:00:00
Uploaded: 28 January, 2021
Genres: comedy, romance
Summary: An average Joe meets the perfect woman, but his lack of confidence and the influence of his friends and family begin to pick away at the relationship.


Actors

Stainer - T.J. Miller
Jack - Mike Vogel