When I was a little kid, I kinda had this problem. And it's not even that big of a deal,...
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Seth:
When I was a little kid, I kinda had this problem. And it's not even that big of a deal, something like 8 percent of kids do it. For some reason, I don't know why. I would just kinda... sit around all day... and draw pictures of dicks.
Evan:
What?
Seth:
Draw pictures of dicks.
Evan:
Dicks? Like a man dick?
Seth:
Yes. Like a man dick.
[while you see Seth when he was a kid]
Seth:
I'd just sit there hours on end drawing dicks. I didn't know what it was. I couldn't touch the pen to the paper without drawing the shape of a penis.
Evan:
That's fucked.
Seth:
No shit. It's really fucked up. Here I am. A little kid. And I can't stop drawing dicks to save my own life.
[you see the kid Seth draw a lot of different dicks on different sheets of paper and see a gallery of his drawings one by one]
Evan:
Alright, I mean... I just don't see what this has to do with Becca.
Seth:
Just listen. Okay?
[you see the kid Seth in a classroom]
Seth:
Your precious little Becca sat next to me for all of fourth grade. And in the classroom was where I did the majority of my illustrations. I was very secretive about this whole dick operation. Even I thought I was fucking crazy. Imagine what everyone else would think? So I would stash all my dick drawings in this Ghostbusters lunchbox that I had. So one day, I'm finishing up this real big, veiny, triumphant bastard, all of a sudden...
Kid:
Pussy!
[walks by the kid Seth and pushes his notebook and his dick drawing off the desk, and it lands near kid Becca]
Evan:
You hit Becca's foot with your dick?
Seth:
Yeah. I know.
[kid Becca picks up the drawing he just did, looks at it for a second, sees that it's a dick, and screams her head off and runs to the teacher]
Seth:
She starts crying, she flips out. Then she rats me out to the principal. He finds this Ghostbusters lunchbox dick treasure chest and he fucking flips out.
[you see more of his dick drawings one by one]
Seth:
He calls in my parents. Turns out this principal is a religious fanatic, and he thinks I'm possessed by some sort of dick devil. My parents go make me see some therapist, and he's asking me all these dick questions. They literally stopped me from eating foods that were shaped like dicks. No hot dogs, no popsicles... You know how many foods are shaped like dicks? The best kinds.
Evan:
Well, I don't... That's really messed up. Supergay.
Transcript
- The whole thing?
- Just dump it on. I'm serious.
Okay.
- And now it looks professional.
- That's really impressive.
- It's beautifully done.
- I think we're gonna get an A.
So, what are you doing tonight?
- Probably nothing. Why?
- I don't know.
My parents are gone
so I'm having a party.
I don't really know how many people
are gonna be there...
...but you could stop by
if you wanted to.
Yeah, I love parties.
Really?
I just don't really ever
see you at them.
You know, it's a love-hate thing.
So, like, you know, right now,
I really love them, though.
- Yeah.
- Good shit, right, Miroki?
Yeah.
Hey, Miroki, could we have
a minute alone? Just... Thanks.
Dude, Jules is having
a fucking party.
Hey!
- Don't tell Fogell about the party.
- Gangsters. What's up, guys?
I was just walking down the hall
and Nicola was right in front of me.
She's wearing these tight white pants
with this black G-string...
...and you could see right
through the pants. It was so sweet.
It's 10:33.
What?
I told her what time it was.
That's the coolest fucking story
I've ever heard in my entire life.
- Can I hear it again? You have time?
- Yeah, yeah, Seth.
I'll miss your knee-slappers
when me and Evan are at Dartmouth.
While you guys are at Dartmouth,
I'll be at State...
...where the girls are half as smart
and twice as likely to fellash me.
What are you guys doing tonight?
Asshole.
We got nothing.
Nothing tonight, Fogell.
No? Well, if nothing comes up,
we can get shitfaced again, yeah?
You're always calling me a pussy,
but today you're wrong.
At lunch, I'm going to the same place
Mike Snider went...
...to pick up my brand-new fake ID.
Yeah. Fake ID. Fake ID. I'm tight.
That's insane. Evan was like,
"I heard about this party.
We shouldn't tell Fogell."
I was like, "No, we should tell Fogell."
You could buy us booze now.
It's awesome.
Yeah, I'll... Sure, I'll buy the booze.
Yeah, we're gonna get our drinks on.
We're gonna party
and get crunk and rock out, dude.
If you're not in this class,
leave this class.
Fogell! Hi.
Okay. Gotta go.
Well done. Seriously.
See you after class.
You tell that idiot
you're not rooming with him?
Not yet. No.
All right, well, you better.
That guy's the fucking anti-poon.
Seth, it's dishes time.
What's the holdup?
We're getting a fake ID, so...
- It's not like a big deal.
- Wow, that's cool.
But you guys have, like,
four more years to go...
...so do you wanna get to work?
Well, we got into
different schools, so...
So you're cutting the cord?
What's gonna happen?
Nothing. Jeez, what does
everybody think is gonna happen?
The world's gonna explode if we
don't spend every second together?
I mean, we're not dependent
on each other, you know.
We met when we were 8.
We were fine before then.
I was. I mean, it's like,
we don't do everything together.
No. All right, I gotta take a piss.
My dick's not gonna shake itself.
Come on, babe.
- He's a crack-up.
- I'm just gonna go.
Well, at least
we're getting a graduation party.
Thank God, man.
I'm excited.
I would do terrible, disgusting things
to hook up with Jules.
- Unforgivable things.
- I hear you, man.
I'd give my middle nut
to start dating Becca.
Becca's a bitch.
You know what? I'm seriously
getting fucking sick of you...
...talking about her like that,
if we can be honest.
- Me too.
- Why do you hate her so much?
You've never given me a reason.
I think you like her.
- Fuck no, man! I hate Becca.
- Why, man?
Fine, Evan. Here it comes.
When I was a little kid,
I kind of had this problem.
And it's not even that big of a deal.
Something like 8 percent of kids
do it, but whatever. It's...
For some reason, I don't know why,
I would just kind of sit around all day...
...and draw pictures of dicks.
What?
Draw pictures of dicks.
Dicks?
Like a man dick?
Yeah. Like a man dick.
I'd sit there for hours, drawing dicks.
I don't know what it was.
I couldn't touch the pen to paper
without drawing the shape of a penis.
- That's fucked.
- No shit, it's really fucked up.
Here I am, this little kid...
... and I can't stop drawing dicks
to save my own life.
All right. I mean, I don't see
what this has to do with Becca.
Just listen. Okay?
Your precious little Becca
sat next to me for all of fourth grade.
And in the classroom is where
I did the majority of my illustrations.
I was very secretive about this
whole dick operation I had going on.
Even I thought I was fucking crazy.
Imagine what everyone else
would think.
So I would stash
all of my dick drawings...
Clip duration: 303 seconds
Views: 1604
Timestamp in movie: 00h 00m 00s
Uploaded: 13 December, 2020
Genres: comedy
Summary: Two co-dependent high school seniors are forced to deal with separation anxiety after their plan to stage a booze-soaked party goes awry.
Comments
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Anon
I loved these type of movies when I was a little fat kid. Mclovin is the best! So is Evan and Seth. I wonder if you guys finished filming Superbad around Jonah’s Hill birthday.
1 year ago
Actors
00:13 Why don't you go piss your pants
00:17 Shut the fuck up
00:08 That's the coolest fucking story I've ever heard...
00:08 Were you violating that young girl
00:20 Old enough for what
00:14 Don't tell Fogell about the party
00:15 You don't want girls to think you suck dick at fucking...
00:06 Nobody has gotten a hand job in cargo shorts since 'nam
00:08 Prepare to get fucked by the long dick of the law
00:12 The male camel toe
00:06 Its like a three thing
00:10 What's your real name
00:06 You know how many foods are shaped like dicks
00:36 Get into the game
00:19 How old are you
00:19 She wants to suck on your penis
00:11 You guys on MySpace
00:08 I don't understand why you we're smoking...
00:16 I just wanna go to the rooftops and scream
00:13 I so flirt with you in math