You know, this job though isn't how shows like CSI make it out to be, when I first joined...

Officer Michaels: You know, this job though isn't how shows like CSI make it out to be, when I first joined the force, I was under the impression that everything was covered in a fine layer of semen. And that the police had at their disposal a semen database with every bad guy's semen on it. Not true! Officer Slater: Yup Officer Michaels: If only there was semen on everything, it would make our jobs easier... Officer Slater: Hell, yeah! Officer Michaels: I often go to sleep and dream of waking up in a world where everything is covered in semen. Officer Slater: I mean, who doesn't? It's like your wish that you could walk out of a room and just know where the semen was. You just know like Sherlock Holmes, if he was in his day, Sherlock Holomes, in his day... And this is a proven historical fact. Sherlock Holmes, when he was alive, knew where semen was. Officer Michaels: Could smell it out like a rat. Officer Slater: Smell it out. ANything Officer Michaels: Like the crime scene today, if the man had ejaculated and then punched you in the face, we'd have a real good shot at catching him... Officer Slater: No way, Officer Michaels: Just punched you in the face. No semen. Officer Slater: Yeah, no semen. And that's the only way you can find DNA by the way, if it's in the jizz. Officer Michaels: Semen. It's the best DNA, is in the jizz. Officer Slater: I'm telling you right now, sometimes I just want to make you know, live in a world of semen. That's funny you say that because I feel the same same way... Officer Michaels: It's true Officer Slater: I would make semen snowballs... Officer Michaels: It would just make our lives easier if everything was covered in semen. Officer Slater: Yeah, no crime. Officer Michaels: Just semen. FUck, that'd be nice. Officer Slater: I think we've exhausted this point. Sherlock Holmes, in his day, would look at you and say: "Five nights ago, Veronica Shear, USA Up All Night." Officer Michaels: Four ounces. Officer Slater: I know that, four ounces into your hand. Officer Michaels: One time we found semen, one time. Fogell: I thought you said you never found semen. Officer Slater: One time we found semen, one time we found semen, we've got really excited, took it back to the lab, turned out it was Michaels' semen.