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"Swiss Army Man" quotes

Swiss Army Man poster
A hopeless man stranded on a deserted island befriends a dead body, and together they go on a surreal journey to get home.

Director: Dan Kwan, Daniel Scheinert
Writer: Daniel Scheinert, Dan Kwan
Production: N/A
Genre: comedy, drama, fantasy
Year: 2016
MetaScore: 64/100
ImdbRating: 6.9
BoxOffice: $4,210,454
Released: 01 Jul 2016
Awards: 8 wins & 31 nominations

48 Clips

MannyHankSarahCrissie
Thoughts like if my best friend keeps his farts from me - Swiss Army Man 00:22 Thoughts like if my best friend keeps his farts from me Because I'm just a scared ugly useless person - Swiss Army Man 00:30 Because I'm just a scared ugly useless person I mean before the Internet every girl was a lot more special - Swiss Army Man 00:15 I mean before the Internet every girl was a lot more special Hank when I masturbate I'm gonna think about your mom - Swiss Army Man 00:13 Hank when I masturbate I'm gonna think about your mom If you don't know Jurassic Park you don't know shit - Swiss Army Man 00:12 If you don't know Jurassic Park you don't know... I have a lot of questions about all the things you just said - Swiss Army Man 00:10 I have a lot of questions about all the things you just said Well you can't just say everything that comes into your head - Swiss Army Man 00:10 Well you can't just say everything that comes into your... Girls must be so nice if they let guys do all those things to them - Swiss Army Man 00:09 Girls must be so nice if they let guys do all those things... Maybe that's just something the brain invents to survive - Swiss Army Man 00:58 Maybe that's just something the brain invents to... Every day you ride the bus and count the minutes - Swiss Army Man 01:12 Every day you ride the bus and count the minutes What the fuck - Swiss Army Man 00:04 What the fuck I'm scared 'cause I think if I die I might really miss you - Swiss Army Man 00:12 I'm scared 'cause I think if I die I might really... Manny I think your penis is guiding us home - Swiss Army Man 00:09 Manny I think your penis is guiding us home And so now when you masturbate - Swiss Army Man 00:06 And so now when you masturbate We're gonna die That's a thought - Swiss Army Man 00:18 We're gonna die That's a thought Poop is when your body takes everything it doesn't want - Swiss Army Man 00:09 Poop is when your body takes everything it doesn't want Buses are for people who don't know each other - Swiss Army Man 00:09 Buses are for people who don't know each other What's important is you remembering your life - Swiss Army Man 00:17 What's important is you remembering your life I don't know Is this crying - Swiss Army Man 00:10 I don't know Is this crying Hey buddy - Swiss Army Man 00:05 Hey buddy What should I do now - Swiss Army Man 00:45 What should I do now Hello world - Swiss Army Man 00:44 Hello world Boobs vaginas and butts - Swiss Army Man 00:08 Boobs vaginas and butts You just seemed really happy and I wasn't - Swiss Army Man 00:07 You just seemed really happy and I wasn't Oh God I'm disgusting - Swiss Army Man 00:08 Oh God I'm disgusting You want to go home so you can have love - Swiss Army Man 00:22 You want to go home so you can have love I just had a thought about a thought - Swiss Army Man 00:10 I just had a thought about a thought You're You're a miracle or - Swiss Army Man 00:08 You're You're a miracle or Hurry before you starve and die - Swiss Army Man 00:09 Hurry before you starve and die I'm scared of whatever took that poop But why though - Swiss Army Man 00:17 I'm scared of whatever took that poop But why though My name's Manny - Swiss Army Man 00:29 My name's Manny Back in civilization there's 7 billion other living people on the planet - Swiss Army Man 00:33 Back in civilization there's 7 billion other living... Remember when you put that cork in my butt - Swiss Army Man 00:13 Remember when you put that cork in my butt What is Netflix - Swiss Army Man 00:14 What is Netflix How do you expect anyone to want to talk to you if you sound retarded - Swiss Army Man 00:11 How do you expect anyone to want to talk to you if you sound... Let me eat you - Swiss Army Man 00:06 Let me eat you You know I - Swiss Army Man 00:59 You know I I don't know exactly what masturbation is or how it works - Swiss Army Man 00:37 I don't know exactly what masturbation is or how it... You're like the multipurpose tool guy - Swiss Army Man 00:12 You're like the multipurpose tool guy And we sang and we danced - Swiss Army Man 00:09 And we sang and we danced So this is it - Swiss Army Man 00:12 So this is it I'm sorry I - Swiss Army Man 00:12 I'm sorry I Hey I didn't mean that - Swiss Army Man 00:11 Hey I didn't mean that Let's have a party - Swiss Army Man 00:06 Let's have a party I wanna have sex - Swiss Army Man 00:21 I wanna have sex I'm gonna show Sarah how much I care about her every single day - Swiss Army Man 00:19 I'm gonna show Sarah how much I care about her every... Sarah do you ever masturbate What - Swiss Army Man 00:18 Sarah do you ever masturbate What Ah you're the grossest thing in this gross world - Swiss Army Man 00:06 Ah you're the grossest thing in this gross world

Cast

Hank - Paul Dano
Manny - Daniel Radcliffe
Sarah - Mary Elizabeth Winstead
Crissie - Antonia Ribero
Preston - Timothy Eulich
Hank's Dad - Richard Gross
Reporter - Marika Casteel
Cameraman - Andy Hull
Officer #1 - Aaron Marshall
Coroner - Shane Carruth
Officer #2 - Jessica Harbeck